BirdBrain

February: A Month of Favorites

2012-02-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

You guys know how I like to make a list of favorite things to cheer myself up? Let's do it all month!! I'm a'gonna post a favorite thing as often as I can this month (every day would be ideal but...you know.)

Today:

My favorite book: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

I've read this book several times, seen numerous screen adaptations and I love it more and more. Jane! Mr. Rochester! I love it that Jane has real problems i.e., dead parents, a super shitty guardian (Mrs. Reid), suffers abuse, the death of friends, etc. and comes through it intact with a strong sense of self. She fucking rocks.

I saw the most recent film version of Jane Eyre and completely loved it. Michael Fassbender and Mia Wasikowska were pitch perfect and I loved the emphasis on light, heat, and the consuming possibilities of both. So good. Oh! And Judi Dench as Mrs. Fairfax totally clenched it.

Things Fall Apart

2012-01-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'd be lying if I said I'm not glad January is over. Its been a tough month. I can't really pinpoint the direct cause of the..."toughness", unless it would be the general malaise that seems to set in this time of year, and possibly the fact that we had nearly a month and a half between paychecks.

The weather has been bizarrely mild; warmer than normal (in the 30's F), super windy, not much snow. While the sunshine is nice, its like we're all walking around warily, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I find myself feeling cranky more often than not...having a short fuse (especially at work) and just generally being kind of a bee-yatch. Yesterday, I let slip that I don't think my boss' boss is a good person. Which, you know, is totally true but probably not something I should have said out loud...to anyone. I skipped a work happy hour last week because the thought of seeing those people one more minute than required made my stomach flop over.

In happier news...

Otto's been attending swim lessons. Its so great to see his confidence in the water growing with each lesson and his willingness to try new things like going under, floating, etc. when there are other kids his age doing it along with him.

Also, he is cute.

This is his last week of Level 1 lessons...I'm hopeful that he'll be ready for Level 2 when it starts in a couple of weeks because we're both enjoying our time at the rec center after work, twice a week. He gets to swim and I get to sit in the warm, humid air and read. WIN WIN.

We do have stuff to look forward to...my mom is coming to visit during her spring break in March. Otto will get to hang with her instead of going to daycare and we'll save a week's worth of daycare payments, and..you know...get to hang with my awesome madre. And, I've signed up for a half-marathon on April first so I should probably devise some sort of training plan other than the 4-6 miles, three times a week that I've been doing since the holidays.

Deep breaths. I can do this. I can make it until spring!!

Can't I?

Doldrums

2012-01-23T13:56:00.002-07:00

We've now officially entered the Doldrums of Winter. No scheduled paid holiday until Memorial Day. And as Hello Giggles says (have I mentioned that I LOVE Hello Giggles???) ,

" Our mornings, afternoons and evening all look the same. Slush covers our streets and invades our homes. Slush is not just what we walk through with our boots that will get stained-slush, is what we become. Slush is the worst. You can’t pack slush up into a snow ball and you can’t get school canceled either. Slush is good for nothing and America, we are too."

Truer words were never written.

We'll do our best in the coming months to keep our heads above all the slush...ski outings, dinner parties, swim lessons, counting the extra precious moments of sunlight that seep into each day,
...I even signed up for a half-marathon on April 1st, so that will at least motivate me to get out and train
but I know from experience that it will be hard. Now until May is a trudge.

I'm gonna do my best to come up with some new strategies for beating the doldrums...I'm thinking maybe some home reorganization projects, tackling swimming/biking with the end goal of someday competing in a triathlon, teaching Otto how to play Uno, lots of good books, maybe some new recipes...

Ideas??

Yule be sorry!

2012-01-03T09:04:00.002-07:00

...and we're back! One of the benefits of working where I work is that we get 11 days off for "Winter Closure" which effectively covers Christmas through New Year's. What's more, its paid and we don't have to use any sick or vacation time. A fabulous perk.

This year's winter break started off amazing. We hopped in the car, laden with gifts and cookie tins and snowsuits, skis, etc. and headed to the Mister's hometown. Once there, we ate, laughed, played, opened gifts, ate, laughed, ate...well you get the idea. We got some cool stuff but the best present, really, was getting to play in glorious fresh snow with the grandparents and uncles.

On the sleddin' hill. It was cold, but fun...all kinds of fun!

Skiing through the trees near sunset. So amazingly beautiful.

After a couple days of this debauchery, we headed home, only to find an unwelcome guest waiting for us: the stomach flu. Or whatever you call it...I guess its not technically a flu? A bug? Well, whatever it is, the Mister and I were completely miserable and yet Otto seems to have escaped relatively unscathed (knocking on wood.) It trashed at least 3 precious day of our break, though, which sucked with a capital SUCK.

By New Year's we were mostly back to normal and enjoying eachother's company and our cozy house. We played some games, put together some models, went ice skating, saw some movies and tried to make up for lost time.

The boys, reading a book before dinner on Otto's new "big boy bed"

All in all, our Yule coulda been worse, coulda been better. And now, suddenly, here we are back into our routine of work, preschool, home and its both sad and comforting, if that makes any sense.

I'm hoping to come back here soon with some ideas for the new year...who else still does resolutions?

Done and To Do

2011-12-14T13:58:00.001-07:00

Done:

-Tree up, decorated.

-Elf watched. At least twice.

Son of a nutcracker, how perfect is this tree??? Cut it down ourselves for $10 in the national forest.

-Holiday cards mailed. Can I get a whoop-whoop!!

-Gifts to far away friends and family mailed. (for a $55 post office bill...eek. At least I was early enough to send them parcel post.)

-Gift for office gift exchange purchased and wrapped. ($10 limit not quite reached.)

-Toys and clothes contributed to our "adopted family" in need.

-Food contribution (veggies and hummus) to office holiday party purchased and prepped.

-Gifts for the mister and the kiddo purchased, wrapped and currently luxuriating under the tree.

-Gingerbread house attempted.


Not that bad for a first attempt, right?

To do:

-Come up with a white elephant gift for a friend's holiday party on Friday. Having a tough time with this one.

-Bake goodies to take with us to the in-laws for xmas. Usually a couple different kinds of cookies and some chex mix to accompany the long beer drinking/scrabble playing sessions.

-Tag and take teacher gifts to Otto's school.

-Attend the daycare holiday program next tuesday. Its going to be so cute! I can't wait!!! He's been practicing his little songs at home and they are adorable.

-De-stress. For real, I am exhibiting all my typical signs of stress: poor sleep, volcanic break-outs and delightful moodiness. I'm keeping up with my workouts and drinking green tea and eating leafy greens, fresh fruit, etc. etc. but sleep is the deficit at the moment. I just can't seem to make it to bed before 10:30pm and the alarm goes off at 5:00am. I'm just looking forward to Winter Break which is an AMAZING perk of my job- we get the week between xmas and new years off, with pay. Imma gonna sleep in every day, son!!

-I'm sure there are to-do's I'm forgetting....

What's on your list?

Plan B

2011-12-08T16:37:00.001-07:00

Hearing about this (see also: this) all day has my stomach in knots. I agree with the author of the Slate piece that "The only reason to keep these restrictions in place is to force pregnancy on unwilling minors as punishment for having sex, and just accept the impregnated rape victims as collateral damage. "

Yes, that's exactly what Sebelius is doing...ensuring that this medication will not be available to girls under 17 years old unless their parent is super understanding and also an M.D. It's bullshit on the highest level.

And this quote from Obama disheartens me: "He said Sebelius decided 10- and 11-year-olds should not be able to buy the drug "alongside bubble gum or batteries" because it could have an adverse effect if not used properly. He said "most parents" probably feel the same way."

THIS IS TRUE OF JUST ABOUT EVERY SINGLE OVER THE COUNTER DRUG: PAIN RELIEVERS, ALLERGY MEDICINE, SLEEP AIDS...If they are not used properly, they could ALL have adverse effects.

I'm sorry to yell but I'm just that pissed.

Denying victims of rape, abuse or just young people that make a fucking mistake (it happens- condoms break, people forget to take pills, etc.) a safe, easy way to prevent unwanted pregnancy is Wrong with a capital W.

Just....Grrrrr.

Race to the Finish

2011-12-01T15:08:00.001-07:00

Honestly? Sometime it feels like December is an endurance event. It can be hard for me to take a step back and just...chill. There's so much that has to be done; shopping, events to attend, stuff to bake, travel to arrange, etc., etc. Its overwhelming.

Over time, I've come up with a few strategies that help me relax and actually enjoy the season, because even though I'm not at all religious, this time of year is special to me: Its a celebration of life, family, friends, and a reminder that even in the dark and cold of winter, the earth is alive and spring will come again.

What I'm doing to stay copacetic:

-I'm getting my holiday shopping done early so I'm not worrying about what to get who. As of right now, I only have Otto's teachers (giftcards, of course) and a friend left to shop for and I'll get those knocked out in the next couple days. Yay! Love having all that accomplished. (I truly enjoy shopping for the "perfect" gifts but I can't handle waiting until the last minute- too much pressure!!)

- Keeping my workout schedule. My runs are my "me" time, the time I have to think and mull and otherwise just be inside my own head. Even when I'm tired, or its cold, or whatever, I'm getting out for a run or in worst case scenario, I'm doing an exercise DVD in the basement. I need to sweat to feel whole. This morning, I ran in the dark while it was snowing. It was great.

-Saying "No." This is a hard one. But I just can't attend every lunch, happy hour, office party, etc. that I get invited to. My time with my family suffers if I try and honestly, there are precious few gatherings that I'm actually excited to go to. Also, I can't afford to donate to every cause, every charity, every fundraiser. I can't do like 4 different secret santa exchanges. I can't bake cookies and make chex mix and pie crust and and and...Sorry but...NO.

-Prioritizing. This goes along with saying no. I'm continuously asking myself,"is this REALLY the most important thing? Really??" If the answer is No, then I rethink my current course of action. I only want to do the important stuff. I want to do the things I really care about.

What am I missing? What are you doing make sure that you enjoy the season and don't stress?

Random shit and gratitude

2011-11-23T11:06:00.001-07:00

First, some random shit:
-I have a sinus infection, again. It seems like I get at least 2-3 per year. What gives?? I'm a healthy person, take my vitamins, eat well, etc. I did, however, break my neti pot about a year ago and haven't replaced it for which I was scolded today by my doctor. So, new neti pot in one hand, antibiotics in the other, I'm out for blood. You're going DOWN, sinus infections. Assholes.

-My kid is a little man these days. A FB post of mine from a couple days ago:

"Otto growing up: 1. Since last week, he will only take showers, no baths. Insists on washing himself but grudgingly allows help with hair ONLY., 2. Got up this morning, made himself breakfast (toast with peanut butter and honey). "See, I can do it MYSELF." 3. Last night he told me "he loves me even when I tell him to do stuff." Har."

This is the truth! What a little dude.

-We're doing something new for Thanksgiving this year...The Mister's aunt,(at whose house we usually stuff ourselves,) is going through a divorce so rather than invade her, we've rented 2 condos up in the mountains and are going for a ski/sled/snowshoe/eating adventure. Yay!! While I enjoy the traditional "everyone sit in the living room with unbuttoned pants" Thanksgiving, I'm not-so-secretly excited about this much more active one! Also, I found new (to me) back-country skis at the gear swap (they were a steal!) and can't wait to try them out. Double yay!!

Gear swap skis! Also, our mail is here!

Thankfulness:
Its good practice to think about what you're thankful for every day, no? I try to do that, I really do. But this time of year gives you an excuse to bore others with your gratitude. I'm especially thankful for:

-my health. Chronic sinus infections notwithstanding, I'm in the best physical shape I've ever been in. I love it that I can run, ski, snowshoe, hike...do whatever I want to do really and do it wholeheartedly. Doing stuff is fun...who knew!?

-my job. Its not the greatest. Its not my "dream." But you know what? It enables me to fulfill other dreams: feed, clothe, and otherwise take care of my family, travel (limited, but still, the occasional road trip is possible), afford entry fees for races, etc. I'm lucky to have a job and I know it.

-living in a beautiful place. Sure the winters are rough and I'm pretty sure I have at least a mild form of S.A.D. so living at 7200 feet above sea level in the Rockies might not be the wisest but fuck-it, its gorgeous here.

-of course, my little family. We rock, if I do say so myself.

Also, we pose in front of rocks. Winning.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY. Be thankful.

My Beautiful Laundrette

2011-11-16T16:06:00.001-07:00

Our washing machine broke last week. I noticed that it was filling up with water, but not agitating, draining but not spinning. Google suggested a broken motor, which sounds expensive, doesn't it? Ugh.

So rather than calling a repairman and facing that music, I took the path of least resistance...to the laundromat. Which sounds like a drag, right? Its cold outside, hauling baskets of laundry in and out and putting quarters in and waiting and...yuck, right?

No. Surprise of surprises. It was decidedly NOT a drag. Quite the opposite, really. I can confidently report that it was one of the most relaxing evenings I've had in weeks. It was a Tuesday night. It was me and a couple other quiet folks, gently washing, drying, folding. It was warm and bright and smelled of fabric softener. The TV was on in the background, the History Channel comfortingly droning on about buried treasure or something. Clothes tumbled rhythmically in dryers. No one was touching me, talking to me, needing me. Between moving clothing from washers to dryers, I sat in a comfortable seat and drank tea and read a book. It was practically on par with a spa day.

Also, I got what would normally take an entire day to wash done in 2 hours. Granted it cost about 12 bucks but that's cheaper than a movie or happy hour and honestly, for that particular night it was infinitely more relaxing than either. It was a beautiful night and since we haven't made any calls on the washer, it looks like I'll have to go back.

Damn.

Running it all out.

2011-11-09T13:44:00.001-07:00

I seem to be finally be getting over that little bout of depression or whatever it was I've been going through the last few weeks. All I can say is...THANK GOODNESS. I was a lean, mean, bitchy machine to just about everyone. Everyone and everything was annoying me and I was pretty disinterested in things that would normally really get my juices flowing. All I wanted to do was sleep. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I've been down that road before and I recognized the feeling. I did what I could to self medicate through exercise, good food and being gentle with myself.

In hindsight, I think the little black raincloud was a combination of post-marathon blues, the weather and just feeling overwhelmed by work/volunteer stuff/personal commitments and relationships/etc., etc. It was starting to scare me, though, so I'm glad that things seem to be on the upswing.

One thing that really helped pull me out of my funk was a half-marathon in Colorado that I ran on Saturday. It was a clear, cold day and the course had a good view of snow-covered Rocky Mountains. I wasn't worried about the distance...it was only a half! I just ran all my stress, my sadness, my funkiness out- tried to leave it all on the course and I think it worked. I PR'd- 1:58:58...my first half in under 2 hours!! And it was cathartic. Afterward, I felt like a new person, scrubbed clean on the inside.

I'm just so glad I found running. 10 years ago I was on anti-depressants. Today, the road is the only antidepressant I need. I know that's not how it is for everyone, but I'm glad that's how it is for me.

Favorite Things: Cold-ass weather edition

2011-10-28T09:33:00.002-06:00

From my last post, you may have gathered that the weather is making me a bit cranky. Time for some favorite things to make me feel better!

1. Apple cider. While I usually go for tea or coffee, I've been on a cider kick lately and can't seem to go a day without at least one cup of the stuff. I like it spiced, hot, and preferably imbibed under a quilt reading something dark and amazing like...

Source

2. ... The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. While Silas and Bod and the Owenses etc. are wonderful, my very favorite character is probably Liza Hempstock. I always cry at the end. If you haven't read it, I don't even know why I'm talking to you.

3. "Night-time walks." Otto and I have been doing this thing lately where we bundle up after dinner and put our headlamps on and walk around the dark neighborhood. We imagine that we see caves, bats, tunnels, and other spoooooky stuff just outside our lights' reach. Instead of holing up inside, its like we're venturing out into the dark and cold and saying "we're not afraid of you!!!"

4. Smartwool socks. I love any sort of wool socks, really, but these are soft cushiony tubes of "everything's-gonna-be-ok." Folks that know me have learned that Smartwools are ALWAYS a good gift for me. I love them and wear a pair nearly every day.

Source

5. Downton Abbey. What's not to love? British accents, class-ism, sexism, stuff and nonsense, and Dame Maggie Smith! Love.

6. Soup, soup, soup. Tomato, Chicken Noodle, Minestrone...I don't really care, just give me soup!!

Under the weather.

2011-10-26T15:29:00.001-06:00

The kiddo on snowshoes last winter...we'll soon be digging those out of the closet.

First real big snow of the season today. In years past, I remember loving the first snow; being all excited to pull out my cute snow boots and hats and scarves and hot chocolate and etc., etc. But today, I woke up ambivalent, wanting to stay snuggled in bed with my cute husband and deeply sleeping little boy with my eyes closed pretending it was still late summer with gentle temps and dry running trails.

I did haul myself out of bed, however. I worked out, (core work, ugh) showered, then stood in front of my closet looking at my sweaters with a sad resignation. I didn't want to wear any of them...and I LOVE sweaters, usually. LOVE them. But today? No. I still want my skirts and tights and t-shirts with clogs and maybe a cardigan for chilly nights. Not long pants and sweaters and snow boots and winter coats and scraping of ice off cars. I settled on a light sweater, corduroy pants and, you guessed it, snow boots. Sigh.

And then it took me 8 minutes to scrape off my car.

I just don't feel ready for winter this year. It was such a great summer...packed with runs and picnics and vacations and backyard parties. And the fall has been short, too short. And now I'm scared we won't see the ground again until April.

I love this town for a lot of reasons but today I'm daydreaming of warmer climes.

Give me an excuse.

2011-10-19T15:58:00.003-06:00

Source: Wikipedia

Statement: This time of year is made for reading Victorian Gothic fiction. Frankenstein, Dracula, Jane Eyre, The Picture of Dorian Gray. These books just fit the shorter, colder days, the haunting clickety clack of leaves tripping down the sidewalk, wind that howls through the crack under the door while we're warm inside eating soup, bare branches providing a start contrast against a cloudless, moonlit sky.

At this time of year, I tend to revisit one or more of these old favorites and delight in their deliciously creepy prose and not-really-all-that-antiquated warnings of the corruption of technology and scientific innovation. I especially love the intensity of the emotions the characters in these novels tend to have...all-consuming passions and fears, loves and hates. My husband would scoff and call it "emo" but I love it. I love the complete and utter despair suffered by Frankenstein when his creature is lost to him. I love how intensely Jane feels for Mr. Rochester, how delightfully hateful Dracula truly is. Just love it!

And not all the great stuff from this era came out of Great Britain...there are amazing short stories from Nathaniel Hawthorne that will enchant you (for realz!), specifically Rappaccini's Daughter. (Seriously, read it.) And of course, Washington Irving's Legend of Sleepy Hollow...CLASSIC.

What this all points to is me wanting some serious quality time with a book, my couch, and a cup of tea. Can one call into work with a serious case of Need to Read?

Get back to me on that, will you?

Because 26.3 would be crazy.

2011-10-13T16:28:00.000-06:00

I'm alive! I did it! And what's better, I did it in under my goal time*. Squee!!

The whole experience started on Saturday, the day before the race. We woke up to snow, icy roads, and general weather shittiness. Thankfully the snow turned to rain around the state line, and my two running friends and I eventually made it to Denver and to the expo to pick up our packets.

At the convention center, we stood in one line to pick up packets, in another line to pick up our t-shirts, and yet another to get our swag bags. And then we were turned loose into the madness...There were SO MANY people! And free stuff! and...people! It was a nuthouse. We got free energy bars, drinks, pictures taken, and I even met Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea, authors of Run Like a Mother and the website another mother runner. (Dimity is so tall! Wow!) We saw crazy compression suits, minimalist shoes, tried gross electrolyte drinks, and laughed at weird outfits. It was fun. I'm kicking myself that I didn't actually take any expo pictures. I was too distracted!

After the expo, we checked into the hotel and walked out to grab some dinner. The hotel recommended a nice Italian restaurant that was nearby but they couldn't seat us for another 2 hours. We made do with a brewery around the corner. It was weird eating at a brewery but not ordering beer. A couple hours and some nervous giggling later, we were in bed and counting down the hours until the start.

* * * * * * * * * * *

5am. Woke up, ate, freshened and then bundled up...the temp was in the 30's but expected to warm to the mid-50's. Hard to dress for. I threw some long pants and a sweatshirt (to be checked at the last minute) over my shirt and shorts, and cut up some little girl knee socks to make disposable arm warmers and mittens.

The long pants and sweatshirt got checked right before the start.

The start line was a PARTY. At 6:30 in the morning! Music! Lights! People! SO MANY PEOPLE. (You can tell I come from a relatively unpopulated place, huh?) Fortunately, they did a lot of things right, including tons of porta-potties and clear signs directing us to our starting corrals. I was in corral 7 (determined by your estimated running time) so I said bye to my buddies and slowly jostled my way through the crowds to a spot near my pacing team.

Yes! I signed up for a pace team on a whim at the expo and I'm so glad I did! I latched onto the cute redheaded guy holding the 4:20 sign (and yes, people yelled stuff at him about getting stoned pretty much along the whole course. He responded with good humor.) After the gun went off for our corral (they staggered the starts, letting each corral go for a couple minutes before starting the next one) I made sure to keep him in sight and that really helped me to reign myself in and not rabbit out of the gate.

I had to stop and pee (naturally...sigh.) around the 5K mark, so I lost sight of the pacers for a while. About a mile later, I caught up, passed them, and then settled into my own groove. Around mile 6, things were warming up and I tossed my "mittens" aka the feet from the little girl socks.

The capitol and race crazyness.

The course was gorgeous, weaving through downtown Denver, into parks, pretty neighborhoods. There were live bands and spectators holding signs all along the course. The temperature rose into the mid 50's and the sun shone brightly. The aid stations were well run and the folks holding traffic did a great job. All we, as runners had to do was keep running!

I used the aid stations but also carried a few things with me: I had my little handheld water bottle, a couple gels (I like Hammer gels) and some sport beans. One gel went down at mile 6, and then I ate the sport beans at the half marathon mark. After that, once I got into the higher mileage, I couldn't talk myself into eating that second gel, so I started drinking the energy drink offered at the aid stations in addition to some water.

Around mile 20, my right leg started to hurt and cramp up..my hip hurt, my thigh, my butt...the whole thing. I felt myself slowing down. The pace team was catching up to me. This was a moment when I had to do some serious self talk and just hunker down and get through it. I remember repeating to myself "you're fine, you can do this, you're fine, you can do this" over and over. I didn't want to stop because I knew it would be really hard to start again. I took energy drink whenever they offered it and dug deep.

Soon, I passed the 21 mile marker, the 22, 23, 24...25. I knew we were close. I shut everything out and just concentrated on moving my feet and how good the finish was going to feel. Right before the end there was maybe the steepest hill in the entire race. Mean! It was hard. But I was going to be damned if I started walking at that part! I just ran 25 miles! I can run up a stupid hill!

When I saw the finish line and all the people and the music...it was an awesome moment. Under my breath, I told myself "You just ran a marathon." Holy Shit!!

Concentration!

Headed towards the finish!

The mister and the kiddo were snowed in and couldn't make it down but my friends were there, yelling my name. When I crossed the finish line, they gave me my medal, a shiny blanket thingy, a bottle of water and took my picture. I grabbed a bagel from a box and shakily made my way out of the finishers area and to the predetermined meeting place to wait for my friends.

I spread the shiny blanket thingy on the ground and sat in the sun, breathing, drinking water and just taking everything in. At that moment, I felt so damn proud. Proud of the months of training. The lost toenails, getting up at the buttcrack of dawn, weekend mornings spent away from my family, exhaustion...at this moment it was all worth it.**

* Official finishing time 4:17:40...way under my goal of 4:30:00. !!!
**When I got up to walk the mile back to the hotel, however, it was another story. Ouch!

Getting PUMPED

2011-10-06T10:01:00.001-06:00

3 days until the marathon! Eeeeek!

Ran my last pre-race run this morning, a mere 2 miles. I've got my clothes picked out, including some Hello Kitty little girl knee socks cut at the ankles to make disposable arm warmers and mittens to keep warm before the start (6:55am!). Sometimes I'm so smart I surprise even myself. Heh. They were $2, so I plan on just chucking them when I get warm enough. The race has indicated that any clothing thrown off will be donated, but I seriously doubt anyone will want knee socks that have essentially been cut in half...

I've got my fueling/hydration plan down (2 gels, some sport beans, handheld water + aid stations) and even what I'll have for breakfast that morning (a powerbar + banana + starbucks double shot seems to be my magic combo.)

I've decided to run without my ipod, as there will be live music all along the course, and I like to be able to hear in races. Am I forgetting anything? If its sunny, I'll do sunglasses but right now, they're predicting a nice cloudy, 56 degree day with a 20% chance of showers so I might do a running hat instead. I've found that I don't really mind running in rain as long as its not going straight in my face.

Now. It's time to GET PUMPED UP and try not to go stir crazy while waiting for Sunday. My favorite way to do that is to listen to a ridiculous playlist full of songs that get my juices flowin'. The funny part is that music I listen to while running or getting ready to run in NO WAY resembles music that I listen to for pleasure, to relax, or at any other time really. Anyone else have this sickness?

For your viewing/listening pleasure, I've listed some of my choice picks below. *EXTREME CHEESE ALERT* You've been warned. Also, recommendations for more will be accepted. I love a good cheeseball-getting-pumped-song.

and, of course, my favorite running song of all time...

The 5 best.

2011-09-29T09:24:00.004-06:00

I am a huge fan of Karen Walrond at Chookooloonks. Huge. She's warm, intelligent, creative and inspiring. I'm pretty sure that if I ever met her in person (or even better, together with The Bloggess), I'd probably drool all over myself and do something stupid like just stand there grinning and going "uh huh uh huh."

On her blog today, she discusses the top 5 best decisions of her adult life. In addition to her own list, she publishes the lists of others, solicited on Twitter. Everyone's top 5's are different and amazing and interesting.

And truly, what a fantastic list to sit and think about and make. (You know I LOVE lists!) Personally, I feel like I spend a sizable amount of energy (and I'm probably not alone in this) bemoaning decisions I think I made in error. The stupid shit. Shit I regret, wish I'd done differently, etc., etc. It's rarely, if ever, that I reflect on what I've done right in my life.

So here it is, my 5:

1. Spend the pivotal summer of my 22nd year in the Tetons,
2. Get back together with the Mister and get married,
3. Move to my current town,
4. Have my little boy,
5. Take care of my body and mind by running and eating well.

What are the top 5 best decisions of your adult life? Leave a comment or go to Karen's blog and chime in!

Book Report

2011-09-28T09:03:00.001-06:00

Every month, there's a balancing act between books that are in my private "to read" stack and the book that we've picked for book club. I always have the best of intentions towards the book club pick. They are usually intellectual! interesting! well reviewed! But secretly, I really want to be reading the stuff in my private stash- which usually consists of guilty pleasure type reading- (think Sookie Stackhouse novels, etc...)

This month has been hard. For book club, we picked The Brothers K. Looks great, right? A sweeping narrative, etc. etc. I should really want to read this book. Book club is next week. I am currently 15% into the book (in Kindle speak). This is not good.

Instead, I've been deeply mired in the world created by George R. R. Martin who I'm fairly sure spent a good portion of time in his parents' basement reading comics and thinking of "cool stuff"* like a young, hot teenage girl breastfeeding a pair of newborn dragons.

I know! Its ridiculous. And I've read 3 of the books in the series.

I need help.

*Not that there's anything wrong with that.

4 years

2011-09-23T14:39:00.002-06:00

Hello, world!-Age 1 Day

Age 1 year...loving those blueberries.

2 year old goofball

3 years old and very grown up

almost 4 and um, what? when did this happen?

As of 11:30 or so tomorrow night, my kid will be 4 years old. Four.

This blows my mind.

He took treats to daycare today and we're planning a friendly little BBQ with close friends for tomorrow. He's requested a skeleton cake (whatever that is) so the Mister will be baking a yellow cake with chocolate frosting and then drawing a white skeleton on it.

All wrapped up for him are a Darth Vader costume and a play cash register with fake money and EVERYTHING just like he asked for. He will also be receiving some new sweatpants, a sweatshirt and new shoes for the fall. The Mister has also picked out some sort of (supposedly) amazing Star Wars spaceship of some kind.

And, in not unrelated news, we discussed maybe trying to get pregnant a year from now. I will officially be of "advanced maternal age" but its what feels right for us. Let the money savings begin!

Love.

2011-09-16T11:23:00.000-06:00

This picture makes my heart feel like its going to bust right out of my chest.

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Moooove over

2011-09-13T11:10:00.001-06:00

Bits and Pieces;

Image Source

- I ran 18 miles this weekend. Farthest. Run. Ever. Pretty proud of myself. On this same run, however, my friend Beth and I were CHASED BY A HUGE, BELLOWING COW at about mile 9. We sprinted, our heart rates soaring, with the huge black mama gaining on us until I turned around, grabbed some rocks, and started throwing them at her feet. She bellowed once and then turned around. We felt stupid for being so scared but...it was scary! I'm not sure if she was mad (there were a couple calves there...maybe she felt threatened?), curious, or thought we were going to feed her...?

-A couple weekends ago, we went on a trip to South Dakota....Spearfish, specifically. We had an amazing time! The Mister KILLED it in a 50 mile mountain bike race, and Otto had a blast in the Strider World Cup.

"They're gonna put my face up there too, Mom."

-My little boy turns 4 in two weeks. How have I been a mother for 4 years?

Fall Cooking-Minestrone Time!

2011-09-08T09:17:00.001-06:00

Image source here

Aaaaaaaaaand......just like that, Fall is here. It's like the occurence of Labor Day signaled some shift and what was warm and summery is now cool, crisp and swathed in morning fog.

This slight nip in the air, accompanied by a steady, cold drizzle yesterday drove us indoors and into the kitchen.

Otto and I decided to make Minestrone- a great soup to make with kids and, let's face it, fucking delicious to boot.

Minestrone (Adapted and changed a little from Mollie Katzen's Moosewood Cookbook)

2 tbs Olive Oil
A big onion, chopped
Lots of garlic (5 cloves or so), minced
Some sea salt...maybe 1 1/2 tsp.
One or two celery stalks, diced
One or two carrots, diced
One chopped bell pepper, any color (we chose orange, but red and green are great too)
One zucchini squash, diced
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp basil
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
A well rinsed and drained can of Garbanzo Beans
Some dry pasta- (any shape-we like penne) , 3/4 to 1 cup, give or take
15 oz. can of tomato puree or sauce
3 tbs. or so of dry, drinkable red wine (optional)
4 cups of organic chicken broth (or water or veggie stock, if you wanna go vegetarian like Mollie)
2 ripe, fresh tomatoes, diced
Parmesan cheese
Fresh parsley, chopped

First, chop all the choppables and set them aside, ready to be dumped in the soup pot when the time comes. Then heat the oil in a big ol' soup pot, and add the onion, garlic and salt. Stir and cook and smell for about 5 minutes. Next, add the carrots, celery, oregano, basil, and black pepper. Stir and cook and smell again until it's all mixed up. Put a lid on it, reduce heat to low and cook for about 10 minutes.

"Onions hurt my eyes but they smell good, Mom."

Pop the lid off, throw in your bell pepper, your zucchini, the chicken stock (or water) and tomato puree and wine if you've got it. Stir it up, bring to a simmer and cover and cook for about 15 minutes. Throw in the chick peas. Cook another 5 minutes.

Bring the soup to a gentle boil, throw in your pasta and cook until its done.

Don't you feel comforted and warmed just looking at that?

Inhale deeply.

At the last minute, once your pasta is nice and edible, toss in the diced tomato and stir. Serve with parsley and Parmesan and maybe some crusty bread and butter on the side.

Oh, and pour yourself a glass of that wine.

And stuff.

2011-09-01T10:18:00.003-06:00

What's up with me:

For obvious reasons, I don't want to say much about my job here. There are folks out there who get canned for writing about their jobs on their blogs and NO THANKS. However, work is presenting some challenges lately that are not entirely pleasant. Ugh. Its nothing big or earth shattering, rather a thousand tiny little annoyances that add up to one unhappy, bored, listless me. I'm SO MUCH MORE fulfilled by my home life and volunteer work that it leaves me wondering if there truly is something wrong with my current situation or if I'm just the personality type that will never be content.

Home is OK... not getting enough time with the Mister (if you know what I mean, wink, wink) but having been married 11+ years, I know that these things ebb and flow. We're both training for endurance events, working full-time and being parents. So yeah, nookie will take a back seat from time to time. But still...I'm starting to look forward to curling up on winter nights and canoodling while the snow falls.

In a similar vein, I'm looking forward to cooler weather and the domesticity that tends to come with it. I'm itching for minestrone, green chili, and other cool weather comfort foods that just don't seem right when temps are 80+ degrees. And hot drinks. And wearing scarves.

The little guy is in a new classroom at preschool and seems to be thriving, even with the reduction of nap time down from 2 hours a day to 1 hour a day. I've noticed a little grumpiness in the evenings but overall he's handling the transition much better than I'd anticipated. And HOLY SHIT he's going to be 4 this month.

...And I'm thinking about having another one more and more. Eeeep. The Mister is on board, I think, with considering attempting a pregnancy a year from now. I'll be 35, officially "advanced maternal age." Not sure how I feel about that...

Anyway. The end of summer is clipping right along and this long season of intense training has an end in sight. (I'm going to wait and see how I feel after before saying if I'll attempt a marathon again, heh.) I love it that we have such beautiful late summer here. The weather is pitch perfect and you can see folks visably trying to soak it up, because in a month and a half there will be snow. Probably.

Pass the Pickles

2011-08-25T10:50:00.000-06:00

Right now, I feel consumed by my training. It's not all together a bad thing. Its a special kind of awesome to devote yourself to an endurance goal and work, work, work to meet it. I feel focused, centered. motivated....tired.

It occurred to me last night, however, that I've felt like this before but for a very different reason. I now present:

2 lists

List the first: Ways in which marathon training is uncannily like the 2nd trimester of pregnancy:

1. I am hungry ALL. THE. TIME. I will eat anything and everything put in front of me...

2. ...except for things I won't. Such as cilantro (GROSS), and cheesecake (GAG) and super heavy, fatty things the night before a run.

3. I can't drink (much). While I technically can drink more than I would allow myself in pregnancy, any more than one or 2 beers WILL be felt in the next morning's run. And not in a good way.

4. I am tired ALL. THE. TIME. I can and will sleep anytime, anywhere. If only I got more opportunities. Stupid work.

5. I mostly feel really mentally energetic and motivated and don't really have the time or brainspace to devote to feeling sorry for myself, except for...

5. ...the mood swings. Exhaustion/hunger/burned-out-ed-ness manifests itself in some crankypants. Occasionally.

6. People who have done something similar or know someone who has tend to react to my "condition" with advice or horror stories about their brother's wife's cousin's daughter who had some totally fucked up thing happen. People who have never been there just give me strange looks that imply that I'm probably not right in the head.

List the second: Ways in which marathon training is definitely different from 2nd trimester pregnancy:

1. I am losing weight, rather than gaining it.

2. I'm not spending crazy amounts of money and time shopping for nursery items/clothes/toys/slings/carseats/etc. Although I am replacing my running shoes more often.

3. My "due date" will not involve medical bills. Hopefully.

4. My husband does not have that constant look of abject terror in his eyes. Mostly he just rolls them and tells me to make sure I get enough rest so that he and my son can stand to be in the same house with me.

Birthday Blues

2011-08-22T15:06:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, I turn 34. I tend to get cranky and weird around my birthday. Which is strange, I know, but I very rarely have great birthdays. At best they are OK, at worst, they are really bad (like having to put my dog to sleep. On my birthday. Oy.)

This year, however, has promise. I'm in the best shape of my life and feeling really good. My kid is amazing. My husband is kind and sweet and cute as hell. And despite the occasional setback, we're all healthy and enjoying life.

We're planning a picnic dinner in the park with fancy sandwiches, fizzy drinks and strawberry pie.

Here's to another year.

(I didn't hit all my 34 before 34's but I made a fair dent in them.)

Yep, I'm Terrified. With a capital T.

2011-08-16T10:36:00.001-06:00

Ho-lee-shit. The coverage of the Iowa straw poll makes me want to gouge my own eyes out with a spoon. All the candidates literally scare the ever loving shit out of me.

Exhibit A: This woman.

Picture from here

There are no words.

Exhibit B: And this man.

Photo credit here

Abject terror. *Shudder*

Thank the universe, we have Rachel Maddow to remind us that the straw poll is a total racket.

I loves her.

And now, before my head explodes, I'm going to brew some green tea, hug my knees to myself and watch a Woody Allen movie, repeating the mantra "its going to be ok. It's going to be ok."

Isn't it?

Oh, its ON

2011-08-09T10:22:00.001-06:00

This post coming to you from smack dab in the middle of marathon training. And...ZOMG. Consider my ass thoroughly kicked. I can't seem to get enough food/sleep/hugs, my knees are starting to complain and its getting harder and harder to push through some of the longer runs. This is supposed be fun...right?

It occurred to me recently, that if I'm feeling this burnt out this early, the training plan I chose may well be a bit ambitious. This week, I made the decision to scale back to the Novice 1 plan which is a bit gentler. We'll see if that helps the motivation and squeaky knees.

(I also gave myself an extra rest day last week. Shhhh.)

Race-wise, I've got a half marathon coming up in 2 weeks (through a wild horse refuge!!) and an 8-mile trail race the week after that and then that's it until October 9th's marathon.

Butterflies.

I'm trying to remind myself that I'm doing this for ME- not to beat any time records or anything. And that I run because I love it.

But, truth be told, right now I'm looking forward to October 10th. :) At which point I'll probably look a lot like these folks:

Realizations.

2011-08-08T08:24:00.001-06:00

1. If I had one of those "I'd rather be..." bumper stickers on my ass today, it would say "I'd rather be thrift shopping." I'm starting to compile my fall wishlist and on it so far:

-Minnetonka Moccasins:

(Delightfully Tacky totally inspires me...)

-Some pinstripe pants and a cute cardigan a'la Maggie Gyllenhal in Stranger than Fiction:

Image from powet.tv

-An infinity or circle scarf...I love this masculine print:

Remixed by Jacki's whole shop is totally dope.

Good thing my birthday is coming up!

2. I think one of the reasons I've got fall on the brain is that I work at a university and the students move back in a week. A week!! At that point, the population of our town will swell, there will be more traffic, lines at restaurants (the good ones, anyway) and the whole feel of the place will just...change. Going to enjoy this last week of true summer!

3. I should really own some Belle and Sebastian. There is no excuse.

Weekend Update

2011-07-19T10:12:00.001-06:00

Last weekend, we took advantage of a friend's timeshare and went with 4 others to Solvista Resort for a whirlwind couple of days. It was amazingly fun EXCEPT for my Sunday morning 8 miler taken after a night of beer, lasagne, more beer, and very little sleep. Beer/heavy food/tiredness + high altitude distance running = PAIN. Lesson learned. The hard way.

Other than that, we checked out a free music festival, went swimming, took advantage of the hot tub in the condo, hung out on the deck and enjoyed each other's company.

Some besties and I checked out a hippie music festival in Winter Park-beer! sun! hairy armpits!

The only black mark on the trip was a dead body on the side of the road between Winter Park and Granby- There was a cop car with blinking lights, a motorcycle on its side and a body with a sheet over it. Couldn't help but think about all the lives that were just drastically altered in a split second... Scary. And we were seeing motorcycles zip up and down that stretch all weekend, weaving in and out of the traffic at high speeds...Those things scare me anyway, even without a such a somber reminder. Wear helmets, folks.

Ask a policeman if you can tase someone!

2011-07-15T09:33:00.000-06:00

Having been a devoted reader for years at this point, I can safely say that I love this woman.

Here's to being furiously happy. And the zombie apocalypse.

My Favorite Things: Summer

2011-07-12T08:50:00.000-06:00

The things that stop my heart, bring tears to my eyes, a smile to my face or just feel damn good right now:

1. Ice cream. So good after a long walk/run/car ride/sleep...YES, PLEASE.

Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone has the BEST ice cream.

2. Finishing my 2nd half marathon. Even though I was sick with sinus/ear problems, I busted out a 2:02:30 in my hometown's July 4th race. It was a breathtakingly beautiful morning and the course took us over rolling hills through farmland and valleys with amazing mountain views. Love.

Main Street, Lander, WY

3. My better half. He is my favorite person ever.

Sunset at the Madison river junction in Yellowstone

4. Watching my son enjoy the same things I did when I was little. Like throwing rocks in a river with cousins and yelling so loud your own voice echoes off the mountains.

Love.

5. Adding to my summertimelove soundtrack. How is it that I JUST discovered the Wailin' Jennys????? Beauty.

What's making your summer?

Playing hard.

2011-06-21T08:35:00.000-06:00

My Monday morning Facebook posts have had a similar theme so far this summer...something along the lines of "I need a weekend to recover from my weekend." This weekend was no different and while it was fun as all get out, I'm now gritty eyed and pretty sure I still smell faintly of charcoal smoke and bug spray.

On Saturday, I did something completely reckless in that I attempted an 11-mile trail run up at Happy Jack BY MYSELF. Every other time I've done a long run up there, its been with a girlfriend and those who know me know that I don't have the best sense of direction and find it nearly impossible to keep the image of a map in my head. (What is this? Lack of spatial memory?) But the night before my run, the Husband and I sat down with a printed out map of the trails and a magic marker and carefully mapped out a route.

I was slower than I would have been on the road, having to stop at junctions and make sure I was turning 20 yards PAST the huge rock that looks like a foot etc. but I totally rocked that shit and made it back to the parking lot just in time to meet the Husband to do kiddo-swap so he could get his mountain biking miles in.

Otto brought his biking stuff and for my cool down I walked beside him as he mountain biked on his Strider on a short trail. He did a muddy water crossing all by himself! It was a day of firsts.

Here I am, post run, so very proud of myself for not getting lost:


Basking in my own glory: I'll check for ticks later.


Word.

That night, after we'd showered and packed our car completely full of gear to spend JUST ONE NIGHT ON THE GROUND (!?) we headed back up for some good old fashioned car camping.

All the campgrounds were full though, so we ended up kicking it old school in the middle of nowhere. (Read: no toilets.) It was fun, even if the spot we found was full of broken glass and shotgun shells. Oh, and I found half a dead elk when I was peeing behind a rock. This IS Wyoming.

It'll do.

Waiting on dinner. Which took forever.

Nice butte.

Gorgeous views.

The Kiddo and the dog slept awesome and the Husband and I laid awake trying not to breathe too loud or move too much and dreaming of the day we can afford one of these to eliminate the need for a tent.

The next day, we rocked out some bacon, eggs, bagels and cowboy coffee on the ol' Coleman stove before heading back into town.

All in all, it was an amazing weekend and pretty typical of summer weekends for us. But holy shit, I'm tired.

Self Talk

2011-06-15T08:24:00.000-06:00

I do a lot of this kind of self talk and visualization lately. Whether I'm in a shitty-ass work meeting, parenting my sweet, yet independent minded, three year old, navigating life decisions with my husband or running...I'm having to coach myself along. "You can do this." "This will all work out." "DON'T SCREW THIS UP."

It's exhausting.

Lately, I'm also trying some preemptive visualization/meditation: I spend a couple minutes before the meeting, seeing myself in my mind making thoughtful, intelligent contributions...Envision a night of peaceful cooperation and fun with my kid before I pick him up from daycare...see in my head my Husband and myself making good financial decisions (we just cancelled our cable- FINALLY)...visualize myself busting out a 40 minute 5 miler...This kind of visualization does seem to increase the likelihood of success. If nothing else, it provides a few moments of calm purpose to my otherwise chaotic day.

Now, if I could just visualize myself blogging more, that might actually happen too.

**This quote was emailed to me via Taro Gold's Daily Wisdom. The picture is trusty ol' clip art.

Ah been fixin' to...

2011-06-09T09:40:00.001-06:00

As they would say in Texas, where I just spent the last five (hot, humid) days, I've been fixin' to update this here blog but ...sidetracked? Let's just say that some semblance of Summer has FINALLY crept into our lives and suddenly there is so. much. to. do.

-At work, I got a new office. Yay! It's the first one I've ever had all to myself and I'm really enjoying the privacy. (And the rockin' view of the parking lot.) I don't have much up on the walls but I'm kind of enjoying the non-cluttered feel of it.

I need some bobble-heads a'la The Office, no?

-Over Memorial Day weekend, the Husband and I got a much needed weekend away thanks to his kind parents who stayed with the Kiddo. We ran, biked, ate sushi and mexican (not at the same time) and drank WAY TOO MUCH tequila. We got a nice hotel and just really enjoyed eachother's company if you know what I mean wink wink. It was the first time we'd both been away from Otto overnight but everything went without a hitch. It's all to easy to become disconnected from each other during the day-to-day grind and we needed some time to remember WHY we're in this crazy boat together. Yes?

-And as I mentioned, Otto and I just got back from Cemetery Day in Texas. The flight out was infinitely better than 2 years ago which was the last time we went. There was food, visiting, lizards in coffee cans (see below), cousins in kiddie pools and general merriment. It was HOT, though. I busted out a 10K race on Saturday morning and it was 82 degrees when the gun went off at 7am. Ouch. (Got 3rd in my age group though- 52:35!! Another medal for the rack!)

It's a REAL LIZARD, Mom!

And now, we're back, facing mounds of laundry and full in-boxes. Fortunately, we've got another week off scheduled for around July 4th. Summer, I love you!!

...and part of every day.

2011-05-13T11:24:00.001-06:00

Stuff that's happening right now:

1. I'm getting ready to have my very own office for the first time ever at work. I've always been in a cubicle but we're remodeling/expanding and I'm getting a room with a window...and a door!! I'm gonna need some pictures of something for the wall! Who's got fun office decor ideas??

2. Ruby's hair is slowly coming back from her yearly shaving. I forget how incredibly skinny she is with no hair. She's still my faithful running buddy and we're liking the increasing number of nice days.

3. Speaking of, we've had some nice-ish days, but lots of snow lately which makes me old before my time. I know its the same story every year but oy veh. It wears on me. Today, however, looks pretty so...yay! I think the weekend is supposed to stay above 60 and sunny so maybe we can get outside.

4. My son's favorite band is KISS. I'm not sure how it happened but we're all enjoying it. Rock and roll all night!

Both

2011-05-09T08:33:00.000-06:00

We have the same hair, the same eyes.
We cry at the end of disney movies.
Blue is our favorite color.
We both have weaknesses for anything chocolate, thrift stores and cute animals.
We run.
We play piano.
We'd rather get some dirt and seed than a bouquet of already grown flowers.
We love hummingbirds.
We love our children.

We are both mothers. And damn awesome ones, at that.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

Awfully Awesome

2011-04-27T09:27:00.000-06:00

So this is a TERRIBLE picture but its also the ONLY picture from my first half. And so I am ridiculously and inexplicably proud of it.

This was at the finish and I was giving it my all...but somehow in the photo I look like a speedwalker. Heh.

My friend and I did our first track workout this morning. I ran to her house and then we ran together to the high school track. First time I've been on a track since high school and BOY HOWDY did it bring back painful memories. We eeked out 6 x 400's and holy OUCH. My legs were hamburger at the end and I still had to run 1.75 miles back home.

I think we'll plan on doing these every week to every other week over the summer and hopefully it will translate into a speedier race time! I'd really like to break 2 hours in my July 4 half.

Right now, I'm day dreaming about trail running on Saturday...if the stupid snow would just QUIT already. Fuck.

Trippin'

2011-04-20T13:45:00.000-06:00

I'm hitting the road tomorrow for work. A 7 hour drive, a 1 hour meeting and then 7 hours back. Best use of resources? Probably not. But I do know that the folks I'm going to see really appreciate someone making the effort to come out. And as long as I don't run into snow (knock on wood), it should be a gorgeous drive.

I'm prepared with a couple books on CD from the ol' public library, water, gum, snacks, and breakfast plans with a friend along the way. And while I'll miss my boys for the 2 days I'm gone, I've gotta say that the open road and time with my own brain sounds pretty attractive.

The only thing that's really annoying me is that I need to leave at like 7:30am tomorrow morning. And somehow I need to fit in a 3-mile run AND a strength workout. So I guess I'll be up at the butt crack of dawn, sweatin' it out before I hit the road!

2:03:30

2011-04-18T09:12:00.001-06:00

I did it! My first half-marathon went down yesterday and I not only survived it, but beat my (very conservative) goal time by 27 minutes. Ha ha!

Training for this race went wonderfully and aside from a nasty cold about 3 weeks before that waylaid me for a couple days, I was injury free and just enjoying the ride.

I was so lucky to have a great training partner towards the end...a good girlfriend who's completed marathons (and even an Ironman!) ran my last 3 long runs with me leading up to the race. It was so helpful to be able to pick the brain of an experienced distance runner. She was supportive and encouraging, convincing me that I have what it takes to run a half and even a full marathon.

Yesterday, race day, I woke up with butterflies but managed to choke down a Clif bar and a banana- a breakfast that's been proven (for me) to stay down and not cause any 'gut-bomb' feelings. Oh, and coffee, of course. My friend and I rode down together (the Husband and Kiddo were planning to leave later and meet us at the finish line). It was good to have company and conversation to distract from the nervous energy I was feeling.

After sunscreening up, deciding on how much/how little clothing to start out with (it was in the 50's but sunny so I opted for a tank and shorts, leaving my arm warmers in the car at the last minute) and peeing (yay for lots of porta potties!!) we were ready to go.

There were a shit ton of people at the start...I read later that nearly 1500 people finished the race. By far the biggest race I've done! My buddy moved ahead in the pack, knowing that she wanted a faster start. I hung back, knowing that the first 2 miles of the race were straight uphill, my strategy was to go easy and then pick it up later when the course flattened out again.

And suddenly, we were off! People clapped and cheered and photographers took pictures and we all started the (torturous) climb up the first "bitch" (I learned over the course of the race that the 4 hills are commonly referred to as the 4 bitches. Heh.)

The breakdown:

Miles 1-2: My plan to start easy and make my way up the first and biggest of the hills really paid off- after the first two hills, I was feeling strong and seeing many folks who had bolted ahead of me starting to flag and we weren't even at mile 3!

Miles 3-4: Uh oh- even though we peed 20 minutes before the start, I kinda need to again. I spend the next 20 minutes or so thinking "Should I stop? Should I hold it? "

Mile 5: The 2nd aid station and a porta potty with no line- I make a split second decision to stop. Best 30 second investment I could have made! I can now run comfortably and think about something other than my bladder.

Miles 5-8: We roll along over a couple more hills, along a reservoir, and through green farmland (complete with manure smells). At one point we pass a pen with Shetland ponies and I nearly cry out "Look, its Little Sebastian!" But quickly check myself realizing that 1) no one will probably know what the hell I'm talking about and 2) people with think I'm "off" either way.

Mile 8.5: The course at this point leaves the road and goes onto a bike path- I power chew a GU Chomp at this point and gulp down some water.

Mile 9-11: These are the hardest miles for me. The bike path leads through an open, exposed field with a quarry or construction site of some sort on one side. The scenery is boring and the cement path is starting to feel hard on my joints. I manage to keep my pace but am constantly looking ahead for some hint of trees or something more interesting.

Mile 11.5: Another chew and some more water. We're in the home stretch now! I concentrate on keeping my pace up and maintaining my form even though I'm getting tired.

Mile 13.1: Somehow, I charge the finish line, digging deep and ending strong. I look for the husband and Otto but after waiting a while, they pick that exact moment to be crouched down putting on sunscreen :( They didn't see my triumphant finish or get to snap my picture (sad!) but are proud of me just the same. I collect my finisher medal, my free beer glass and water. My friend (who finished 8 minutes before me) and I listen to live music as we sit in the grass and rehash the course. Otto asks, "Did you win, Mama?"

After the race, we forgo the heavy BBQ post-race lunch (just the smell turns my stomach) and opt to leave and go for light, fresh Mexican instead.

Today, my legs are tired and a little sore but I'm still riding the high of finishing my first half. So proud of myself and already looking forward to the next one!

Chucky Jesus

2011-04-04T15:42:00.000-06:00

On weekend mornings, its become habit for us to allow the kiddo to watch an hour or so of PBS. Mostly so that we can sleep in. An hour of Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers is less harmful than a cranky, under-rested parent for an entire Saturday. Or so we tell ourselves.

Anyway, even though PBS doesn't air commercials, all the shows have sponsors that have announcements and Otto pays as much attention to these as he does the actual shows. Consequently, for weeks and weeks now, he has been singing the praises of Chucky Cheese's - When pressed to explain what, exactly, Chucky Cheese's is, all we got was "Its where a kid can be a kid, Mom!!" So otherwise, he had no idea WTF the place is. All he knew was that its COOL. This was simultaneously adorable and completely annoying.

On Saturday, due to some kid swapping as a result of run/biking schedules, after a 10 mile trail run, I ended up alone with Otto in the big city for a bit. We went thrift shopping and then I nonchalantly suggested we get some lunch. Against every instinct in my body, I made a decision based solely on the desire to gobsmack my child- and it worked. As we pulled into the parking lot and he saw that huge weird cartoon mouse staring down from the sign, the sheer joy and surprise on his face was priceless and totally worth the 2 hours of beeping and booping and robotronic animal singing and screaming children I was about to live through.

"HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!!" he said from the back seat.

What followed can only be described as an orgy of shitty pizza (he ate 3 slices and honestly, after my run I was so hungry, it even tasted good to me), video games, and excited exclamations of 3 year old ecstasy. The place was way cleaner and better run than I had expected and honestly, although we won't be going back any time soon, it was super fun just to watch my kid be that. fucking. happy.

At the altar of cheesy, noisy, crazy 3 year old joy

That said, its gonna be a loooooong time before we go back. One can only handle so many surprise cheesy, noisy pilgrimages in a lifetime. Heh.

The One in Which a Good Run Equals a Temporary Lapse in Judgement

2011-03-23T16:56:00.000-06:00

So I did something mildly rash two days ago. I registered myself for a half-marathon. In less than a month.

Let's all pause for a moment to ask, "WHAT THE EFFING EFF WAS I THINKING?"

Ok. Let's continue.

My original plan was to very sloooooowly ramp up my mileage (dutifully following the 10% rule) and run my first half in July. I went on a trail run this weekend, planning on completely 6 or 7 miles and somehow ended up running almost 11. What can I say? It was a beautiful day, it was the first dry trail I'd seen in months and I was running with some new running buddies and the conversation was good.

Anyhow, one of them clued me in to this great half-marathon taking place next month only an hour a way. Its a gorgeous course, at a gorgeous time of year. And dudes, the finish line for the thing is at the New Belgium Brewery.

So here's my plan: I'm going to (as gently as possible) ramp up my mileage in the next 3 weeks while cross and strength training and doing my darndest to avoid an overuse injury. Good nutrition, rest, etc. and I should be ok right? What are rules if not to be broken?

My boys (both the husband sized one and the 3 year old sized one) are being incredibly supportive although they may be secretly laughing at me behind my back. They're tolerating the long weekend runs and my general complaints about soreness, tiredness etc.

The kiddo is insistent that when he's big, he'll run a race with me and win. We'll see, little boy. We'll see.

Book Report (plus Hair)

2011-03-15T08:49:00.003-06:00

Though Otto still loves picture books and will sit and read as many as we are willing to commit to, I recently made the decision (after reading somewhere on the internets that this was a good age) to begin reading some chapter books aloud at bedtime. Typically, I lay in bed beside him and we whip through 3 or 4 story books before lights out/snuggle. Starting chapter books was going to be an experiment to see if one story (with little or no pictures, no less) could hold his attention for about the same amount of time.

And holy crow, I had NO IDEA how well this would go over. The kid's attention span is EPIC.

So far, we've read three chapter books recommended for preschoolers that I was able to get for next to nothing used on Amazon: Mercy Watson to the Rescue, Moongobble and Me: The Dragon of Doom, and Three Tales of My Father's Dragon.

Three Tales of My Father's Dragon is by far our favorite (even though the others are quite good). Written in the 40's by Ruth Stiles Gannet, this little book is highly enjoyable and right at Otto's 3 year old level. My Father's Dragon is about a little boy named Elmer Elevator (the narrator's father, natch) who hears of a baby dragon who's trapped on an island of ruthless, wild animals. In the first story (about 13 chapters), he travels to the island and has a series of adventures while trying to rescue the dragon. He meets all sorts of animals and comes up with all kinds of clever tricks to escape their clutches and eventually attempt a rescue of the dragon. The writing is simple yet descriptive and its fun to imagine all of the creatures he encounters.

It does have some minimal, black and white pictures but for the most part we're getting to use our imaginations to picture the story and Otto LOVES it. Every night its "one more chapter? Pleeeeeeeeease??"

Since these books have gone over so well, I can't wait to start on some others. Anyone have more suggestions of good read-aloud chapter books for this age? I think he's still a bit too young for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and The Hobbit which are two that I'm really looking forward to reading.

* * * * * * * *

On the adult side of things, I've read several great books lately. My favorites have been Shadow of the Wind and the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I also (finally) read The Book Thief. So I've had a bit of a WWII (and aftermath) sort of month.

Now, for bookclub, we're reading Devil in the White City which, quite honestly, is proving difficult for me to get through. In a nutshell, this book juxtaposes two semi-related storylines: one of the designers and developers of the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago and one of H. H. Holmes, a serial killer in the city at that time. So far, I'm finding the stuff about the architects and developers exceedingly dull and for as much tolerance and even enjoyment I get out of some horror, I've never been able to read/watch stuff about serial killers. I think its because while zombies, monsters, devils, etc. don't REALLY exist, serial killers are very real. And just...ew.

But I'll give it my best effort or at least read enough of it so I can bullshit my way through bookclub in a couple weeks :)

* * * * * * * *

As an unrelated post-script of sorts, I DID cut my hair BUT I only went for the shoulder length. Figured I could always go shorter, but its hard to go back if you cut too much off. Here is a shitty picture taken in my car, but you get the general idea. I had her make the ends super choppy which helps with the bulkiness and I can either air dry (a la below) or straighten depending on the time and effort I'm willing to invest on any given morning. Long story short (uhHAHAHA), I loves it.

Hairmergency

2011-03-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

The picture above is a (crappy) example of what my hair looks like right now. Longish. Relatively lifeless. Weird layers. I pretty much only ever wear it down or in a pony tail for workouts. Sometimes I do braids but not very often. I've never been talented at updos and all that business. And maybe its spring fever but I can't stop fantasizing about cutting it.

Here are some examples of where my imagination has been taking me lately:

Option 1: A mid-length bob:

Really, I wouldn't be losing a ton of length with this but it would clean it up, add some choppiness to the ends which could be cute. And I'm not saying I look at all like the lovely Gwenyth but I do think that our face shapes are sort of similar.

Option 2: A chin-length bob:

This one just makes me salivate...the feeling of getting all that hair off my neck and shoulders? Cute ear-tucking length...sigh. The only drawback would be not being able to ponytail it for workouts. I also wonder how long this would take me to style in the morning...although I doubt it would take much longer than the looooooong time I take blow drying and straightening now.

Option 3: Leave the length alone, maybe even continue to grow it but try to clean up the layers? Even add some color maybe?

This one is the safest option and will keep me from haircut remorse. But it won't be all new and bright and shiny feeling either.

Thoughts? Let's do a poll!

Complaining in Run-on Sentences.

2011-02-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

Otto and I were sick all weekend - him with a fever and and complaining of a tummy ache and just generally wearing his toddler cranky pants and me with sinus pain and congestion and headache and even bigger, mom-sized cranky pants. That said, somehow all the chores managed to get done because one thing I have learned is that when you are a mom THERE ARE NO SICK DAYS. Sorry to break it to you, aspiring mothers, but better you should find out now.

And then this morning, I slept through my workout in an attempt to kick the crud and was dreaming all night about softening the blow of a sick Monday morning with a bowl of cereal with blueberries and cashews but then when I went to make said bowl of cereal, the cashews had MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED but I suspect a CERTAIN SOMEONE who was drinking beer and watching the Oscars last night. Ahem.

And so, this week is 0 for 2 and but at least we still had green tea and honey and today is payday so we can finally afford to really go grocery shopping.

Bring it.

Running Update

2011-02-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. My daily mile tracker (see it over there? on the right?) says I've gone over 500 miles since I started tracking. Wowza.

Its been a challenge, frankly, to keep up the running in recent weeks. We've had several cold snaps that dropped temps to well below zero (think -45 with windchill) and that's too cold, even for me. I've decided that I draw the line at zero. And so does Ruby, the poor dear.

So, I've been doing more workout DVD's in the basement and in spite of cultivating a minor case of cabin fever,I've gotta say...my guns are looking pretty rockin' at the moment. Maybe I can keep it up until temps are actually warm enough for bare arms...you know, like July.

The slight reduction in mileage, while not good for my mental health, has been advantageous for my pesky right knee, I think. It's feeling better (knock on wood) and I've done the past 2 five milers without my knee strap.

As the weather warms (gradually...very gradually) I'm looking forward to beginning to train in earnest for some spring and summer races. There's a 10K I have my eye on in the spring and then a half-marathon in July. Better get runnin'!

At any rate, at least I'm keeping up some semblance of an exercise schedule...because we keep doing silly things like going to Fort Collins on day trips and eating at Smashburger. Yum.


Der Burger!

Things I Love Right Now

2011-01-31T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am firmly in the doldrums of winter, I think. Tired, cranky, all I want is bad-for-me carbs and sweets and the motivation to exercise is dwindling. (But don't worry- I'm still working out 6 days a week- logging about 20 miles and 2 sessions of strength training- I just resent it! Ha!)

We're doing our best to stay on the straight and narrow but I find myself trying to rationalize calling in sick, one more biscuit with butter, another chai...

And so, in my grand tradition of trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps and remember the good shit, here's a list of (healthy) stuff I'm loving right now:

1. Classical music. I listen to our local NPR station's classical frequency at work and I find that it gives a nice sophisticated calm to my day. They play really great stuff. Lately I've been pairing it with

2. Green tea with local honey. Nom. I feel much better when I have a big thermos of this in the morning...its scary but I think coffee and I may have broken up for now...

3. Avocados and blueberries. These have both been on good sales at the supermarket lately and the nutrients and antioxidants really do give me a boost.

I've been putting avocado in pretty much anything and everything or just eating them on their own, scored and salted then drizzled with lime juice. Their (good) fat content satisfies my cravings for fatty fatty goodness. (For the most part :) )

The blueberries have a place in my cereal bowl every morning and go after that sweet craving I've got going on right now.

4. Books, blankets and rice bags. Nearly my favorite part of every day is when I finally get to curl up under my down comforter, crack open a book (or turn one on, if I'm using my e-reader, heh) and snuggle in with a warm rice bag on my aching, stress-harboring shoulders. Heaven.

5. Soup. I've been making this veggie-packed Minestrone (from my favorite cookbook) and it is nourishing and filling and healthy- onions, garlic, celery, carrots, zucchini, tomatoes, chick peas, pasta...the only think I really do differently is use chicken stock or broth instead of water. We've had this at least once a week for the past month or so and we're all addicted.

6. Of course, my kiddo is a bright spot of color in this monochromatic landscape of winter. I'm so lucky to be his mama. We've been taking advantage of any sunny days that come our way by going outside for as long as possible, which seems to pay off in lifted moods. I lurves him.

And hey! Its almost February. And we have a fat tax return headed our direction, which is always heartening. See? It's all going to be ok.

Bring it.

2011-01-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

So far this new year has been fast and furious- I have a new boss at work and we are SUPER busy. Lots of meetings, phone calls, work piling up. BUT. The work is challenging, engaging, and dare I say...fun in a lot of ways. So it could be worse. And I'm actually surprised at the amount of overtime I haven't had to put in, considering.

Also in the first week of the new year I:

1. had the toenail on my left big toe removed because it was dead and gross (from in-grown toenail surgery 2 years ago and from being a runner) and

2: confirmed that I have hearing loss in my right ear- mostly in the higher frequencies. The loss isn't bad enough to warrant a hearing aid (yet) but I might need a better phone at work and to learn how to read lips a little in situations with lots of background noise (which I already do.) This makes me feel old. Pout.

We have, thankfully, been able to carve some time out for fun stuff. We got the kiddo a pair of snowshoes for $18 on sale and we took him out for his first real trek last weekend. He did so great! We were out there for an hour and a half and there was no complaining, crying, being too tired...nothing! I think he road in the sled up a couple of steep hills and that was it. A good time was had by all. Evidence:

It wasn't super cold- especially with our new wool socks we all got for Xmas. Still, once we got back home, hot chocolate and popcorn were deemed necessary :)

As an aside: I LOVE living so close to National Forest areas. This system of ski and snowshoe trails is 12 minutes from our house. 12 MINUTES! And we have more National Forest recreation areas 30 minutes the other direction. And there's no traffic, no crowded parking lots at the trail heads. Heaven!

As far as other fun activities, (and this one's for you Dandelion Trail) we've had fun lately making homemade toys out of cardboard, paper sacks, toilet paper rolls etc. A ship for Buzz Lightyear, for example: (and yes, someone is really into Toy Story and grandparents are obliging by purchasing every related piece of apparel they can find. But hey- free clothes are free clothes!)

Notice the dog emitting lasers from her eyes. I'm pretty sure Otto was making her play the role of the evil emperor Zurg the other day.

Never a dull moment but I wouldn't have it any other way. Bring it on, 2011!

About Face

2011-01-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was One Of Those Days. It began slightly after midnight. My kid woke up screaming and crying and refusing to go back to bed. It took me 30 minutes to coax him out of whatever dream/night terror state he was in and convince him to get into bed with me. At last he fell back asleep- but guess what? I was wide. awake. And just laying there, my brain swirling around in my head, digging up the dregs of old to-do's and worries.

I decided to get up and go do something else for a bit- maybe reset my brain back into sleepy time mode. For some reason, I grabbed our little Flip video camera and decided that I would get the baby videos off of it that have been on there for, say, 3 years. So, at 1:00am, I plug it into my computer and attempt a download. YOU NEED AN UPDATE it says. THIS CAN BE DONE WITH A CAMERA WITH VIDEOS ON IT, BUT IT WILL TAKE LONGER it says. This is fine. I have all night!

I begin the update and everything seems to be going fine. I feel sleep creeping back up and go to bed.

Fast forward 4 hours or so and I'm up, checking on the camera. CAMERA HAS BEEN UPDATED. Goody! I check the camera after I (safely) remove it from the computer and...(I'm sure you can see where this is going) the videos are gone. The thing is wiped. Empty. Ready to Record! What. the. fuck.

I have what basically amounts to a very ungraceful panic attack, searching my hard drive, the camera, for the missing baby videos. I download and run recovery software, to no avail. I'm crying, remembering the precious footage of Otto's first day crawling, his first steps, singing Twinkle Twinkle. Otto's looking at me, confused. "We're sad about baby movies, Mama? But I'm a big boy!"

I go to work upset and sad.

Work is work, only times a MILLION because shit is hitting the fan and we're super busy and I have, like, 87 meetings scheduled and everyone is pissy and etc. etc. And the entire time, I'm on the edge of a melt down, thinking about the fucking baby videos.

Finally, the day is over and I get home. The Husband, bless him, has carnitas in the crock pot and a six-pack waiting for me. It is at this point that the day begins to slowly turn back towards the light. We have an amazing dinner, I do the (minimal) dishes and decide to call a good friend for a little venting session.

We have a good talk about woes, parenting, books, work (love you, L!) and I hang up feeling more centered than I have all day.

At this point, I get a text from the Husband, who is downstairs with the kiddo that says, "You can't find us. Hahahahahahahaha!- the Potzula Gang."

Laughing, I go downstairs to see that an elaborate fort has been constructed with an old quilt and two pairs of shoes are poking out, one little, one large. Copious amounts of giggling emanate from under the fort. "FEE FIE FO FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN" I boom, as I thump down the stairs. The giggling intensifies.

After playing a bit, while the Husband is doing jammies/brushing teeth/reading stories duties, I turn once more to my computer. Sighing, I log in to check my email, resisting the urge to throw the stupid Flip camera across the room but also realizing that its not the end of the world. While videos, pictures and keepsakes are nice, I have awesome friends, an amazing family and I get to LIVE in these moments.

Suddenly, on my desktop, I notice a folder way down in the lower left corner that I haven't noticed before. Flip Video Backup, it says. I click.

And yeah, you guessed it. The missing baby videos. All there. All beautiful. All not lost.

I go to bed happy, loved, realizing that losing those little movies wasn't the end of the world. But I'm glad I have them back. We all sleep through the night, waking up to a new day to cherish and new memories to record.

New beginning

2011-01-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

Every time we come back from an extended break, like over the holidays, the first day is killer. I actually cried in the car this morning after dropping my kid off at daycare. I miss him.

To distract myself from this gross intrusion of 'real life', I'm thinking about my goals for 2011. A new year. A chance to start over in some ways. Or, alternately, just a good excuse to thinking about habits we'd either like to change or to cultivate.

Here's what I've got so far:

Do less:

-Consuming: I'm going to "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Or at least do my best. I'm going to continue to reuse whatever can be reused and buy pre-owned whenever possible. We're blessed here with several used/second hand stores and while I already take advantage, I'm going to kick it up a notch.

- TV watching: This isn't a huge problem for me, but I think I could do better. My default at the end of a shitty day is to veg in front of the tube with a libation. And even if its just a half hour, my time would be better spent (and probably more relaxing) if I read, knitted, listened to music or did something that didn't completely shut my brain down.

Do more:

-Snuggling, listening, playing with my kid: I feel like we do a lot of this, but there's always room for improvement, right? My goal is to give him more of my UNDIVIDED attention.

- "Snuggle" with my husband: Yeah, um, sometimes the husband and I get distracted by everything that's going on and neglect to make time for eachother. Ahem.

- Yoga: Its SO GOOD for me and I know that but for some reason, I do it like twice a month right now. But after a good yoga session, I'm noticeably less stressed, more at peace and I even see improvements in my running. Yoga = good.

What goals do you have for this new year?

2011

2010-12-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

A few hours, now, until a new year.

Do I have any resolutions? Eh. Goals? Sure. Wishes? Aplenty.

Here's wishing you and yours a happy, happy beginning to a happy, happy year.

Love,
Ruby

(and Birdie :) )

Not so very frightful

2010-12-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

Work has been KILLING me lately so it was an extra wonderful thing to be officially closed at 1pm today due to...SNOW!!! It's been falling and falling and everything is blanketed in lovely white and I'm home with my boys making chex mix and listening to holiday music. And tomorrow (our last day before the 11-day Winter Break) may well be a snow day too, at the rate its falling. Insert contented sigh here.

And from last night...a blurry cell phone picture of our tree and Frosty the Snowman on TV. LOVE.

Hope all you folks out in the internets are warm and cozy and celebrating (or not) in the way that suits you best. Merry Merry!

8 DAYS AND COUNTING

2010-12-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

One of the (many) perks of working where I work is that we get a paid break over Xmas. We don't have to use vacation time, even. The entire place shuts down and we all get 11 straight days off. And did I mention its paid?

11 DAYS.

Three of those days will be spent at the in-laws for the actual holiday but the rest are ALL MINE. I can't wait to get to see my little boy every day, all day, for that long. As a momma who works outside the home and places her son in the care of another, this gift of TIME means more than any bonus check or holiday party would. (It will be nice to see the Husband, too. Wink.)

I have so many plans: sledding, snowshoeing, crafts, swimming, movies, snuggles...

I'm just...giddy with excitement. Can't wait!

2010-12-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

Just popping in to say WHEW THIS TIME OF YEAR IS INSANITY.

The good news: We are shopping local this year, getting almost all (very modest-its the thought, right?) holiday gifts from local small businesses. Fuck Walmart, man. I think I bought one thing there- something on my child's letter to Santa that couldn't be got anywhere else in town. ( I live in a SMALL town, dudes.)

So we're done- just need to get our holiday cards and we can ship boxes off to friends and family. We have to ship just about everything because our families are so spread out, hence the early shopping. Feeling victorious!

In other news:

1. Otto had to have a very small filling put into a very small cavity. He did SO AWESOME at the dentist. The filling was tiny enough that they didn't have to numb him or anything and the actual procedure was lightening fast. I love our dentist. And my kid is a rockstar.

2. Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies are awesome.

3. So is chai.

4. We are headed up to the mountains to get our tree this weekend. This is my single favorite holiday activity. Yay!!

5. I love you all. :) Carry on.

How to Run in the Early Morning in Winter-A Step by Step Guide if You're Me

2010-11-23T10:10:00.001-07:00

1. Set your alarm for 5:15 AM or whatever time you want to drag your sorry ass out of bed. Double check that you have indeed set it for AM at least twice because you don't trust your sleep-deprived, toddler-parenting brain. And being wakened by your 3 year old at 7 when you need to leave the house at 7:35 does not bode well for the rest of the day.

2. Wear as much of your running attire to bed as possible. Typically this is (thick, knee-high) socks, running tights, and tee. Your husband will of course appreciate the sheer sexiness of this ensemble. After your alarm successfully goes off, put sweats over tights (because it WILL be fucking cold.) Squeeze yourself into a sportsbra and throw on a sweatshirt or fleece. Put a waterproof layer on top in the event of snow or sleet. Put on shoes and tie them. With a double knot. Because ice provides enough challenges for those of us who are clumsily inclined. (THIS MEANS YOU.)

3. Protect your extremeties: This means a hat that you don't mind sweating in, and some sort of gloves that still allow you to open up one of those little dog poop bags and pick up shit when your dog takes the inevitable pit stop in the middle of the street at which time you will also see the only car ALL MORNING headed right towards your shitting dog.

4. Be able to see and be seen. This means remember your headlamp, dummy. Some reflective gear of some sort also does not go amiss. This will prevent the car from hitting you while your dog shits and prevent you from hitting black ice at full tilt. Usually.

5. Last, put your RoadID, NikeSportBand and Ipod in proper locations on your body. Wonder briefly why you have so many electronic crutches to run. Then decide you don't really care.

6. Take a deep breath and try not to recoil when that first blast of icy air hits your face. Tell yourself, "This is going to be fun!" Almost believe it.

7. Get in a good warm up while you wait for your dog to pee. Do some lunges, some side-to-sides, high kicks and whatever else feels good. Briefly hope that no one is watching you as you probably look like a total dork.

8. Start running. Spend the first couple minutes hating this, wishing you were still in your warm bed snuggled up to your kid. But then notice how your ipod is picking great songs. As your body gets warm and approaches 'cruising altitude,' (meaning that you don't have to purposefully tell your legs to move forward anymore), start to think about shit that went down yesterday/last night/last year/when you were 7. Take this time to process what's been bugging you. Think about the future. Think about your husband, your kid, that book you're reading for book club, whether there will be enough snow for snowshoeing this weekend, what you're going to make for dinner.

Feel how strongly your heart beats in your chest, how your legs carry you over snow and ice, how warm your core is while your cheeks and nose feel delightfully cold in comparison. Notice how bright the moon is. Start to wonder how you got so lucky that this is your life.

9. After an hour or so, approach the end of your run and feel a little sad that its almost over. Walk to cool down. Stretch. Shovel the walk if it needs it. Take some deep breaths of the cold, clear air, noticing how great it feels now that you're hot and sweating. Pet the dog and tell her "good run."

Open the door and go inside feeling exhilarated, centered, excited for a hot shower and ready to kickass all. effing. day.

10. Be thankful. Look forward to doing it all again tomorrow.

My mama said there'd be days like this

2010-11-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday was just ill-fated from the beginning**. After a kind of shitty night's sleep, I really wanted to run. So after a bowl of oatmeal and some snuggle time with the kid, Ruby and I headed a ways out of town. I wanted to run this road that goes past the old cement factory and turns into a wildlife refuge. Supposedly great views of our surrounding mountain ranges and all that. Unfortunately, while in town it had seemed relatively calm, if cold, out on the high plains there were hurricane force winds whipping snow and tumleweeds around willy-nilly.

But, being the stubborn idiot I can be sometimes, we set out anyway. It was awful. A facebook friend commented that my particular locale is known for its "free microdermabrasions" and holy shit she's not kidding. 3 miles and 30 horrible minutes later, I had grit in my eyes, nose, and mouth and was half wondering if there was any skin left on my face.

We finally made it back to town, and I decided to drive through for a pumpkin pie latte as a consolation prize. As we pulled into the coffee hut, Ruby puked all over the passenger seat of my husband's car. Sigh. I thought puppies grew out of car sickness...?

Finally, we made it home and as I pulled into the driveway, I saw the husband and the kiddo standing on the stoop.

The kid's face looked like this:

He'd lept off the coffee table and directly into a wooden cabinet. This picture was the day of. You should see it now- he looks like a prize fighter with lots of purple and blue around that pretty eye.

Thank goodness this is a 2-day week for me with a 5-day holiday weekend because fuck.

**There was ONE fun thing on Saturday- I caught a showing of that one big movie about the boy wizard that night with friends. Loved it. RIP Dobby the Elf!!

My Favorite Things: Simply

2010-11-10T14:19:00.002-07:00

Here we are again, somehow. Poised on the brink of the Season of Excess. The Season of Want. The Season of Shopping and Presents and Wishlists and Letters to Santa etc. etc.

I've been thinking about how I fall into these traps of wanting this or that, convincing myself I "need" that this or the other thing. Convincing myself that I need a new coat or boots or that Otto needs this or that toy, that the dog needs such and such obedience class. And you know what? It's not true. (Well, maybe that last one might be true.)

The point is, I have everything I need to be happy. I, no...WE are already perfect.

And in that spirit, a list of my favorite SIMPLE things right now. Things that I am grateful for, things that brighten my day, things that keep me centered. "Things" that can't be bought.

1. My kid's laugh. Especially if its a result of something I did. I love it. That sound is like crack.

Also, his chubby cheeks don't go amiss.

2. A dark, clean house on a winter's evening with lit candles and a steaming hot cup of tea. Ok, well I guess technically those things can be bought, but what I really mean is the delicious sort of homebody tendency I feel after day light savings time ends and the darkness descends so early. I just kind of embrace it and cocoon up in my little house with my little family, a good book, and some chamomile. My interpretation of AskMoxie's Candletime.

The Danes have a verb for this sort of thing, "at hygge sig" which we don't really have an equivalent for in English. The closest translation would be "to cozy oneself." Too cute.

3. A long, sweaty run in the cold. I know this is weird but there's something about running in cold weather that makes it even more satisfying. I pretend I'm in Rocky IV, you know where he's training in Russia and running in the snow? Yeah. I come home feeling even more badass than usual, high on endorphins. EYE OF THE TIGER.

4. And finally, a hot bath on a cold night. Preferably with a good book and glass of wine or bottle of hard cider. Yes?

What are your favorite, simple pleasures?

Endings and Beginnings

2010-11-03T11:49:00.000-06:00

Change is all around me now...and not the shiny, silver, clunky kind. I'm talking massive, sweeping changes in areas of my life. Or at least that's how it feels.

The first big change: I do believe my son is weaned. And let me tell you, now that I've been through child-led weaning from beginning to end, it is a beautiful, amazing thing to watch. It's been so gradual that it hasn't been traumatic or sudden for either of us, rather just a gentle progression from "baby" to "kid." We went from multiple nursings a day when he was a baby (obviously) to fewer and fewer as he got older. And then more recently, to just a couple times a day. Then it was only once at bedtime and if he hurt himself or got super upset. And then only at upsets. And now...nothing. At bedtime we now "snuggle." At upsets, we rock and talk and hug and listen. He no longer asks for "milk."

Of course he still needs me. Of course he does! But he doesn't need to breastfeed. And he made that decision for himself. Which is totally awesome. If I ever had it to do over, I would do it this way again in a heartbeat.

But! I won't pretend that it hasn't been a little emotional for me to realize that this marks the end of a really special time in my relationship with my son. I know there is a lot to look forward to and more awesomeness to come but I've allowed myself to mourn just a tad the unique relationship that exists between mother and nursling. I'm sure dropping prolactin levels also have something to do with a little bit of melancholy.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The second big change, is in my worklife. And while I don't want to go into too much detail here for obvious reasons, suffice to say that upheaval has been ubiquitous between having a new position, a new supervisor (who doesn't start for another 6 weeks or so) and all that comes with that. They have also been sending me to some trainings that require overnights away from home.

This last week was the first such training and the first time ever since he's been on the planet, I slept apart from my kid. It was weird. But I'd being lying if I claimed not to have slept like I was dead. The Husband, however, wasn't so lucky as he is used to Otto snuggling me at night and not him.

There's another training scheduled next month that requires 2 nights away. Eeek. I know everything will be fine and that almost might be the problem. Aren't they LOST without me? How do they function when Mama's not home for TWO WHOLE DAYS?!?!? Heh.

These changes are good and I know that. I'm fulfilled and challenged in my work in a way that I haven't been in a long time. I have an employer who wants to invest in my career development and who sees potential in me. That is awesome. But there's a tiny part of me that feels sad that I'm no longer necessary for Otto's daily/nightly sustenance.

I keep telling myself that of COURSE he still needs me. A lot. (See above.) And he gets a lot of me. We still co-sleep and my evenings and weekends are spent with him. But its a time of transition and that usually means some new feelings, some reevaluating, and allowing yourself to mourn the loss of what was even while looking forward to what comes next.

Halloweener

2010-10-26T08:51:00.002-06:00

Even though I'm not a super ginormous fan of dressing in costume anymore, I still love Halloween. I love the spookiness of the season: The increasing darkness, the dimming pallet of oranges, browns, golds and the thinning of sunlight all add to the overall eeriness of this time of year.

I also love Halloween goodies and decorations. Here are some Etsy finds I'm positively ghouling over. Heh.

1. A spooky painting:

Bat Tree Original Painting by jellybeans

2. And more bats:

Halloween Bat Paper Garland by houseofclouds

3. Mmmmm, pie:

You are my Pumpkin Pie Card by friendsagain

4. Zombie Bunnies love treats:

Zombie Buns Attack Snack Plate by barbaradonovan

5. A vintage collage. Adorbs.

Halloween Time Vintage-style Original Collage by summerroad

6. And a super cute boogie-ing Batman, if I DO say so myself.

Happy Halloween!!

Take care of yourself

2010-10-20T08:09:00.001-06:00

I love this message. Its simple, direct and meaningful. I can hear and see the mother in her coming out just a bit and I like it. Although I'm *just* a straight ally, my guess is that for young people it doesn't always take sweeping policy changes (those will come) or big promises or protests or rallies (necessary but sometimes overwhelming) .

Sometimes, maybe, you just need someone to tell you that you matter and to have hope that things will get better.

Thank you, Ms. Secretary of State. You have your moments and this is one of them.

Making Hay

2010-10-18T08:51:00.002-06:00

On what could very well be the last pretty weekend of fall before the snow hits (its forecast for this week), a friend and I took our dogs on an epic trail run on Saturday. We set out to do maybe 7 or 8 miles up at Happy Jack...and ended up doing somewhere between 10 and 11 (my NikeSportBand, which I think tends to be high, said 11 and her GPS phone said 10.6...).

Here I am at mile 8 or so, stopping to enjoy the view. I definitely look like I've been running for a while. Heh.

It was beautiful day. Brisk enough that I never felt overheated but warm enough to run in a tank and capris. The dogs had a great time, too:

We couldn't believe that 8 miles in, they still had the energy for these kind of shenanigans. Although later that night, Ruby was dead. to. the. world. and I physically had to pry her off the couch and make her go outside to pee before bed.

To tell the truth, I was pretty tired myself. But in a good, feeling like a total badass kind of way. :)

* * * * * * * * * *

AND!! Omg! I just saw that the freaking Coen brothers are remaking one of my favorite movies from when I was young. My husband it excited because this one doesn't have John Wayne in it. (He HATES John Wayne. I sort of totally love him. Opposites attract, I guess.)

So. Excited. Take a look:

Holy shit

2010-10-15T09:10:00.001-06:00

1. Look over there => ...My DailyMile counter says 250 miles, baby!! That's how far I've run since I started logging mileage. Pretty impressive. To these eyes, anyhow.

My knee is feeling better (knock on wood) thanks due, I think, to reducing my mileage, running on gravel/dirt for a bit and wearing a knee strap like this one. Let's hope the trend continues and I can knock out some amazing runs before the snow flies.

2. Work...OMG, y'all. My new job is kind of monopolizing things right now. Definitely don't want to go into too much detail here but suffice to say that things are crazy but hopefully will be settling down in the next few weeks. Just gotta keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. And drink lots of coffee.

3. My son is such a joy right now. He's going to be Batman for Halloween and we've been learning all about the letter "B" lately ("its like a man with a big belly, mama!") so its fun to see him connecting all the words that start with B in his head, including Batman. He's growing at a ridiculous rate- I've noticed recently that most of his jeans are nearly too short for him, although he's constantly pulling them up because he has a skinny little butt and they keep slipping down. (Anyone know a good brand that might fit a skinny butted, long legged kid?)

He's also doing a lot of pre-reading things like becoming OBSESSED with puzzles and asking what signs/papers/labels say. He's always liked puzzles but now he'll knock out several before dinner and want more after. Aside from writing his own name (which he's done for a while now), he can also recognize the names of each child in his class, and some other basic words. I don't think its quite reading yet, more like just recognizing certain letters but I don't think it will be long! It's so amazing to see that little brain figuring it all out.

4. The fall here has been one of the prettier ones in recent memory. I've made it up to the mountain for several runs which is SO good for my mental health and spirit in general. The weather seems like it will hold for at least a few more days so I have plans for another run with a friend this weekend. We're all wondering when the first snow will hit...its usually before Halloween. We'll see...

Ozark Otto Awesomeness

2010-10-06T16:39:00.000-06:00

We just got back into town after visiting my folks in the Ozarks for several days. We drove, we flew, rented a car and drove some more. We saw a civil war battlefield, Bass Pro Shop (OMG, the red-neck-i-ness of it all), a cave, ate AMAZING BBQ , recreated near flowing rivers and deep, woodsy forests aand generally enjoyed ourselves. It became apparent pretty quickly that we were starved for family together time without the distractions of home.

One thing that really stood out on the trip was Otto. He was awesome. Great in the car, great on the plane, agreeable, easily entertained and overall just pleasant. He had maybe two small meltdowns the entire trip but I don't think you can blame him- his schedule was completely thrown out the window and there was A LOT of driving and sightseeing even for me. And I'm 30 years older than him. Each little meltdown was resolved with relative ease.

He really loved the bus that took us from the airport to our car. "Mom! Mom! We're riding a bus!" (He's doing this thing right now where every other sentence requires a nearly shouted "MOM!" Just to make sure I'm still listening, I guess. And even if I immediately answer, he'll sometimes do it multiple times as if vamping until his thought is formulated enough to say out loud. "MOM!" "Yes?" "Mom!" "Yes?" "MOM!" "YES???????" (pause) "We're on a BUS!!!" I try to be patient with this but its so annoying, sometimes I find myself saying "Whaaaaaaaaat?!?" in an exasperated tone. Hopefully he grows out of it soon.)

His other favorite thing was throwing rocks in the river by my folks house. He (and really all the boys, including my dad) could have done that for hours on end. A wonderful time was had and we got lots of pictures...but of course they're still on my camera. Haven't quite had time to sit down and upload them all yet.

Oh! And no potty accidents at all. So proud of him.

We got back late on Monday and then yesterday, Otto and I took the day off to regroup, pay the rent, get groceries, unpack, do laundry, etc. He kept saying "Mom! We have the DAY OFF!!!" We got all our shit done with some time left over to play and make cabbage buns for dinner.

After getting to see him all day, everyday for so many days in a row, I was a little teary-eyed when leaving him at daycare this morning. I miss his little silly butt.

I Need to Vent About This...

2010-09-21T09:00:00.000-06:00

So I'm having an issue with my right knee.

Ever since I started running seriously, my right knee has been a little wonky. I've had runner's knee and general soreness come and go but never anything more than just an annoying ache that would go away after a while.

But now I'm kinda scared that I've done something to really damage it and it has me sad and kinda worried.

I did an 8 miler about a week and a half ago, then a 6 miler two days later. Then two days after that, I went for what was going to be an easy 5 and had to completely stop at about 4 miles because my knee was just...done. Not just sore- it was a sharp, arresting pain just below my knee cap that literally stopped me in my tracks.

I took 4 days off (from running- I cross-trained), then ran 3.5 miles this Monday- my knee still hurt, but I was able to modify my stride to keep it from doing the sharp-totally-shutting-me-down pain that it had done the run before. I can feel that its still injured- it hurts to go up stairs and if I even step wrong while walking, I get that sharp pain- like there's no cushioning in there at all.

This has got me so, so down. You wouldn't think that a little thing like having a hurt knee would really affect your mood, but its keeping me from having good runs which are KEY to my mental well-being. Also, I was planning on running a 10K in two weeks in Missouri when we go to visit my folks. Frankly, I can't see that happening now, if I can barely limp through 4 miles.

I've been icing, taking anti-inflammatories and I'll go get a knee brace to immobilize it for a few days. I just want to feel better so I can get my road therapy in. I really hope that works and I don't need a doctor's visit.

/venting session.

Fleeting

2010-09-20T09:09:00.001-06:00

On Friday, my boy turns 3.

* * * * * * * * * *

Its well known in these parts, that when fall hits, there is ONE, maybe two weekends to see the aspens. The nights turn colder and suddenly their leaves catch fire and shimmer in the wind like a million shiny gold coins and then POOF. They're gone.

This weekend was THE weekend and we went up on Saturday to marvel at the fleeting brilliance. One bright moment in time that can't truly be captured or saved. All you can really do is be present and immerse yourself in the beauty of now...because tomorrow may be it's own version of beautiful but it will never be This again.

New Beginnings

2010-09-14T14:03:00.000-06:00

First week in my new position at work. New co-workers, new building, new desk. New supervisor, new duties.

On my first morning, yesterday, there was a large bouquet of fall flowers on my desk and they brought bagels and fruit for a welcome breakfast. It made me feel really welcome.

But now I feel like by 2 pm, after being bombarded with new information for hours, my brain is officially off duty for the day. Its all I can do to point my bleary eyes somewhere in the vicinity of my supervisor's face and at least pretend I know what the hell she is trying to tell me.

This is going to be a good change, I can tell, but right now, its a little overwhelming.

I am exhausted.

34 before 34

2010-09-09T09:36:00.004-06:00

I think I mentioned that my 33rd (otherwise known as "Jesus") birthday was a couple weeks ago. Since then, I've been thinking about what my goals are for the coming year...what things do I want to complete before 34? Some of these are Big Ones...some are small, but most are doable. There are a few that might be a stretch but sometimes just saying/writing things down plants a seed that eventually grows up into awesome.

1. ~~Run a half-marathon.~~ My goal is the July 4th half in my hometown next summer. Done! Ran the Horsetooth Half-Marathon in Fort Collins, CO in April 2011. 2:03!!
2. Journal (more) regularly with an actual paper and pen.
3. Organize family photos. Ugh. Bane of my existence. I am so NOT a scrapbooker. Its all I can do to make sure everything is uploaded to a photo site and prints dumped in a shoebox.
4. ~~Try mountain biking.~~ Done! 2 girlfriends took me up with the Husband's old bike last night. We did 6 miles of rocky trails at twilight. It was brutal but awesome. My wrists and ass are freakin' sore.
5. ~~Run a 10K~~ - Registered for one at the end of the month in MO with my dad. Done! But not in MO- did it in hot, humid TX instead. 52:35!!
6. ~~Organize Otto's artwork by age~~. I got an accordion folder and labled sections "Age 1, Age 2," etc. It will work for now and it forces me to do some triage and only keep the really awesome stuff.
7. ~~Get a new job.~~ Done! I start my new position on Monday. A promotion/transfer that has me both nervous and excited.
8. Start knitting again. I need socks! And there's a felted slipper pattern that has my eye...
9. Learn at least 5 new songs on the ukulele.
10. Take a road trip to visit a friend.
11. ~~Snowshoe at least once this winter.~~ Went snowshoeing a handful of times and even tried back country skiing. (Not my deal, but at least I tried it!)

12. Brush the dog at least once a week. Poor thing, she gets so matted. We're doing pretty well on this front. We got her shaved in April and so far, so good!
13. Get a massage.
14. Go on more dates with the Husband...once a week seems hard but maybe once a month? We're really trying to take more time for eachother and we took our first weekend away from the kiddo over Memorial Day. It was glorious!
15. Purchase and learn new piano music.
16. Learn how to (really) swim. I can tread water and dog paddle but I want to learn how to really swim so that maybe I can
17. Try a Triathlon. Seems a little out there right now (given #16) but a sprint tri might be doable...just putting the idea out there for myself.
18. Buy hard copies of the Hunger Games trilogy to save for when Otto is old enough to read them.
19. Watch Dr. Zhivago again because my mother insists that I should love it.
20. Keep moving towards eating homemade/ local foods. We're doing well so far: local farm eggs, local honey, making our own bread...
21. Run the Warrior Dash. How fun does that look!?!
22. Buy a small deep freezer. (Probably used.) For storing local beef/bison!
23. Start a charity giving family tradition at Holidays time. I want to start doing something yearly with our family where we together choose a charity and together shop/find items.
24. Actually prepare and cook a whole chicken. I know! I've actually never done this...we always just get boneless/skinless chicken breast. But I want to learn the art of a simple roast chicken and explore all the things you can do with it.
25. Attend more yoga classes. I do yoga at home fairly regularly but the classes provide benefits beyond what I can do at home. And they are fun!
26. Organize my kitchen cupboards. Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh.
27. Meditate for at least 5 minutes a day.
28. Take Otto to the children's museum and the zoo in Denver.
29. Visit my little brother and soon to be born niece/nephew in Hawaii. Hey, a girl can dream!
30. Start Otto on beginning piano lessons. Taught by me!
31. ~~Have a garage sale.~~ Might be too late for this year, but next spring I know we'll be ready to unload some "treasures." Just slid in under the wire!
32. Go to a major league baseball game. I'm not a huge fan, but Otto and the Husband would have a wonderful time.
33. Try Zumba! This scares me but I want to give it a shot...if only to do something outside my comfort zone.
34. ~~Sleep more~~. Goal is 7-8 hrs. a night. I'm actually doing pretty good with this one. One day (night) at a time.

Antelope Dash

2010-08-30T11:59:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, I ran my first ever trail race. It was SUCH a good time, helped along, I'm sure, by the fact that several of my friends ran it with me AND the husband and the kiddo came up to cheer me on.

I got 3rd overall (womens) in the 4 mile and felt really proud of my effort.


Running buddies- (I'm number 18-note how the black capris make my white legs even whiter)

It was a gorgeous day and even though some of the hills made me feel like my heart was in my throat, there was a nice downhill coast for the last mile that gave me that coveted runner's high/on top of the world feeling.

At the finish line, I overheard one woman (who I passed at about mile 1) talking about how her "34 year old ankles just can't do this stuff anymore." Um...I'm 33? Heh. So I've got a year? *wink*

The post run spread was awesome, too- watermelon, apples, bananas, cookies, crackers, cheese, coffee, sportsdrink...I think I probably put back in whatever calories I burned.

I got a kickass huge medal and was cheered on by the cutest bystander ever:

It was a good day, except for the fact that I missed getting to see a friend in Colorado Springs because of the race. Sorry, L!

* * * * * * * * *

On an unrelated note, my husband shaved his beard off this weekend. It's the second time I've seen his chin in the 17 years I've known him. I kinda feel like I'm cheating on him with a stranger. He looks that different. But he also looks about 10 years younger and pretty effin' cute.

On the edge of 17

2010-08-27T09:35:00.000-06:00

Confession: I met my husband for the first time at a catholic youth organization picnic. ( How funny is that given my current state of non-believing?)

It was August 27, 1993. I had just turned 16 and was brand new in town, my family having just moved there from Montana. My mom thought I could 'meet some nice people' at the gathering. He was 17, an incoming senior and adorable in a grunge-rock 90's sort of way: A tall, muscular redhead with shoulder length hair, combat boots, flannel shirts...a guitar player. Neither of us were at the CYO picnic by choice.

We were attracted to eachother right away and I got grounded a couple days later for staying out super late with him after a Welcome Back to School dance. After all, we were in a new town and I was with a boy I barely even knew. No cell phones in those days. I remember trying to call my parents once during the evening to let them know we were going to hang out after the dance, but I got a busy signal. In an effort to appear cool, I shrugged it off and headed towards the city park with him, where we swayed back and forth in swings in the dark and talked the night away. Sometime around 2am, my folks found us and the sound of rage in my father's voice is something I'll never forget.

By the way, the Husband got congratulatory high-fives from his parents for the same incident. Double standards!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyhow, here we are, 17 years later. That is a long ass time. Over half my life, that I've known and loved this man.
Craziness.

Gifts

2010-08-24T16:51:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a good day. I took the kiddo to daycare (his first day in a new classroom- he was so. excited.) and then grabbed the dog and headed up to the mountains for a long trail run. No ipod or cars to distract me. Just my breath... my heart beating in my now 33 year old chest...my footfalls hitting the dirt trail in a rhythmic, hypnotizing beat.

I also got a lot of gifts. From the Husband, a Nike Sportband, something I'd asked for and will use almost daily. From parents and parents-in-law, money for clothes. I've gone down almost 3 sizes since this whole running nonsense started and none of my fall/winter clothes really fit well anymore, especially pants.

The most touching gift, however, was one from a person I barely even know. In my volunteer job see this woman, we'll call her Shannon, from time to time- a single mother who works two jobs to support herself and an infant son. I've been privileged enough to share information with her a few times and I feel like I've helped her have a successful breastfeeding experience so far. She also sells farm-fresh (delicious) eggs to help make ends meet (which I am SO GLAD we buy- no salmonella worries for us!).

Anyway, we don't know each other too well but Shannon noticed on facebook that it was my birthday. While most friends, and frankly even close family were content with a "Happy Birthday!" on my wall, I got a text from her yesterday saying simply "I have a present for you! I'll bring it by tomorrow."

Today, she came by my day job with her baby (soooo cute) and presented me with a card. Inside of it was $6 in cash. "It's not much," she said. "But I wanted to get you something and I know you said you were asking for money from your parents for clothes."

Honey, you just gave me Everything.

I hugged her. Told her how sweet it was, realizing that this small amount could very well represent almost an hour of work for her. I never thought about refusing it...that seems insulting after she went to so much effort. As she drove away, I teared up a little, wondering if I will ever bring myself to spend this hard earned, selflessly given $6.

I'm still not sure.

(Some of the) Things that make me Weird

2010-08-17T08:55:00.002-06:00

For some reason, I've been getting a lot of (half-joking...I think) "you're so WEIRD's" in the past few days from friends and family alike. Usually, its as a reaction to my warped sense of humor or my random quoting of movie lines that gets this reaction. But then I start thinking...maybe I am really weird?

1. I love voting. I don't know...is that weird? Primary elections are happening here today and I hit the polls before work and savored every little bubble I got to color in.

2. In the same vein, I also love filling out forms. Of any sort really. The doctor's office, tax forms, whatever. I see a clipboard coming my way, I get all anticipatory and start rubbing my palms together like a comic book villain. I loved playing school/secretary as a child and would gleefully design and then fill out my own forms.

3. I really, really, REALLY hate to have the bottom of my feet touched, especially the arches. I'm super ticklish and it makes me feel all violated and ooky. Consequently, I am not a person who enjoys foot massages. I know! Weird.

4. I love Neil Diamond. Dudes. Sweet Caroline is the SHIZ.

5. I hate Tom Cruise. Although, maybe that's not that weird.

And just for fun, here's a picture I took this weekend that was supposed to be of the fog rolling over the mountains as I drove up over the summit, but just turned out to be a picture of my dirty car window. You're welcome.

Working for the Weekend

2010-08-13T11:55:00.000-06:00

1. Yesterday, at work, a colleague came in and asked me what the Kid would like to drink at a company picnic since she was in charge of bringing non-alcoholic drinks. I said something like "Oh, I'll probably just bring a water bottle for him," and then this somehow segued into a tirade against HFCS and how sodas/koolaids/etc. are evil. Sorry, co-worker. Didn't mean to spew verbal diarrhea at you. Obviously, I'm passionate about that subject but really- there's a time and a place and this wasn't it. I feel bad.

2. Speaking of co-workers, I've been SO ANNOYED all week that its been hard to concentrate. I don't want to elaborate much here but OH MY GOD. So hard for me to just focus on my work and not develop a nervous twitch due to coughing/loud crunching/endless chit-chatting/etc. I need a weekend.

3. In a more hopeful and less whiny vein, I might have mentioned that I interviewed for a job this week that would be a small step up income-wise, but a big step up job-satisfaction-wise. Oh, and after some planned remodeling, this position would also get its own office. See #2 on why this would be awesome. I hope they let us know sooner rather than later.

And now, a little gratuitous kidpic:

The kid loves books.

Happy Friday!

Nothing Much

2010-08-11T16:23:00.001-06:00

I've thought about posting something here several times in the past few days but I just can't seem to get my shit together to formulate any sort of coherent thought. And so, without further adieu, a completely random posting of nothingness. You're welcome!

We have a lot going on- some of it completely awesome. The husband has been participating in a series of mountain bike races and really enjoying it. Its so fun to see him digging something so much. Also, at last night's race he won a prize in the raffle of 5 free yoga classes...and guess who has a wifey who likes yoga! Whee! The Kid and I grabbed some portable dinner and drove up the mountain to watch him race and had a blast.

The Kid is entering that age 3-ish place and we're definitely noticing an increase in asserting of individuality, arguing and tantrums. It's all completely developmentally appropriate but that doesn't make it any less frustrating when you're trying to get out the door in the morning/ do the grocery shopping/ insert any adult-initiated activity here. We're brainstorming ideas for his birthday next month and having fun window shopping for strider bikes and roller skates, both things we know he'd love.

He's making huge intellectual strides right now and its so much fun to see him comprehending more and more on a daily basis. His favorite book to read right now is A Frog Prince which is super wordy without a ton of pictures...he will sit through the entire thing multiple times if his reader is ~~a sucker~~ game.

As for me, I have some job stuff hopefully coming up (fingers crossed) and lots of volunteer work stuff happening as well. Also, I'm making plans for how to continue running when the snow and ice hits. I've been scouring craigslist and other classifieds for a good used treadmill and asking everyone for cold weather running stuff for my birthday later this month. I figure I can get out there as long as the ice isn't too bad, and in that event I'll hopefully be safe and warm and sweating on a treadmill.

I've got some races coming up- a 5K this weekend and a 4-mile trail run later in the month. Then in October, my dad and I plan on running a 10K together in Missouri (hooray for low altitude!) Imma gonna kill it.

Realizations

2010-08-04T10:35:00.000-06:00

1. I need to start writing in a journal again. Blog/facebook/twitter do not take the place of pen and paper for purging my brain of clogging thoughts and feelings. I'm feeling mentally constipated and need to get that shit out. I've been feeling that way for a couple weeks and only just now realized the solution was just to sit and write. Now to carve out some time, another problem entirely. :-)

2. I want more tattoos. I have 6 or so tattoos but I want more! I want something on my foot that has to do with running (a recent idea) and I want a forearm tattoo of a key (an idea I've had for ages.) As far as the running tattoo, I've been thinking of a pronghorn. I see these gorgeous creatures almost daily on my runs and their wiki article contains a quote calling them "the true marathoners of the American West." They are super beautiful and such graceful, amazing runners. The only problem is that I don't want a 'western' tattoo and I'm worried that without the right artist, that might be exactly what I'd get. Thoughts?

3. I need to change up my skincare routine. I've been breaking out a lot more lately and the only thing I can think to attribute it to is the increased sweating from working out and the warm weather. To be honest, I can't afford pricey cleansers/lotions etc. so for almost my entire adult life I've used Dove soap in the evening and a gentle facial cleanser (like Olay) in the am. I love Say Yes to Carrots face lotion , both their day and night versions. Not sure where to go from here...anyone have affordable all or mostly natural products that they love? I'm thinking I might need to switch to something made for 'normal-oily' as opposed to 'normal'?

4. Louis CK is a genius. If you haven't already, check out his show Louie on Hulu. Its the most hilarious thing ever. I heart him big time.

What the WHAT, now?

2010-08-02T09:51:00.000-06:00

I hit the pavement this morning at 5-fucking-in-the-am (ouch) and like always, the first few minutes felt stiff, awkward, disjointed. I was hobbling down the dark street, my way lit only by streetlamps and the moon, half-asleep and half-hungover, the 1/3 Tiger's Milk bar and glass of water sloshing noisily in my stomach and the dog trotting a long behind me and not moving much faster than I was.

But at about the first mile, I started to find my rhythm. Justin Timberlake started to convince me that I really WAS bringing sexy back even after copious amounts of homemade grilled pizza and beer consumed last night in honor of the husband's birthday. My legs started to feel warm and beads of sweat formed on my upper lip as my heart and breathing found a steady, comfortable beat.

Its at this point in the run, usually, is where my body begins to remember how to do this whole pacing thing. The music starts to motivate me and the run turns from torture into catharsis. My brain gets freed up from just making myself GO, and can move on to rehashing the day before, going over my to-do list, and daydreaming a little about future happenings.

So what did I daydream about today, in my woozy, still kinda beer-loopy state at approximately mile 4? Having another kid.

Yeah, I don't know either.

And Possibly Beer.

2010-07-30T08:50:00.000-06:00

Ha Ha! Its Friday and I've only had to work 2 and a half days this week. Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP?

Short work weeks are awesome.

Tonight, we're biking down to the farmer's market for some peaches and cherries and whatever else catches our eyes. There's a dude there who sells hot tamales and I'll be lobbying hard for a few of those (pork!) plus some fresh fruit to make up an easy dinner.

(Note: I kind of hate you all who have daily or even weekly farmers markets year round. You know who you are. Here, our market is once a week for 4 hours from July-September and honestly there's not a ton of stuff to choose from...whatever farmers in northern Colorado can grow. The upside to this is that Farmer's Market Day is an Event at which they block off two city blocks downtown and pretty much the entire town shows up to mill around in the sunshine.)

Sunday, then, is the Husband's birthday. He still hasn't decided what he wants to do. I have no plans for a cake or anything because I've asked him repeatedly what he would like and he hems and haws and rolls his eyes and basically ignores me. So! We very well may be putting candles into scrambled eggs or something.

As for me, I'm feeling raw and ragged from coming off our vacation and jumping straight back into work. I just need some catch-up time at home...laundry, cleaning, reading my book, and maybe a long run and some yoga to center myself again. And possibly beer.

Oh, and I suppose I'll hang with my son. That kid is alright.

Birdie Was Here

2010-07-29T09:05:00.000-06:00

Woods Landing, WY. Population: 94.

This week, my folks drove out from Missouri and rented a cabin in Woods Landing, by the river. No cell phone signal, no internet...just us and the quiet beauty of the Snowy Range. My dad and I went on a couple amazing runs that had my thighs begging for mercy due to extreme mountainous terrain. We literally ran 2.5 miles UP A MOUNTAIN towards an observatory and then back down again. At sunrise. It was awesome and breathtaking and some of the hardest running I've ever done.

We played in the water and hiked a bit and had a campfire complete with s'mores. We picnicked out-of-doors and generally made merry. Otto collected rocks and bird feathers and pine cones and drank what might have been his first soda ever: a cold, sweating can of Sprite purchased at the little country store. He held it gingerly with both hands, sipping at it reverently as though it were some rare, expensive single malt scotch.

And now we're home, with a pile of dirty clothes reeking of sunscreen and bug spray and woodsmoke and sore legs and light sunburns. Otto had such a wonderful time, playing baseball with my dad, running through the woods in the sunshine, reading books with my mom, and being the center of attention for days on end.

This morning, in fact, when it was time to say good-bye and go back to our lives, even though we'd talked (a lot) about how this morning we'd have to get up and say bye to Nana and Doodah and go back to school he was completely inconsolable. Wailing for his Nana and sobbing in this totally heartbreaking way. It was fucking brutal. I felt like a child abuser leaving him at school, he was so upset.

Now we just gotta get through a partial workweek and piece some normalcy back together. I love summer and I love vacations, but I also love my daily routine.

But man, we had a wonderful time.

Let's Begin at the Beginning...a Very Good Place to Start

2010-07-21T08:37:00.000-06:00

This last weekend, I ran my first 5K race since high school.

I had two goals going into it: Run the Whole Way and Don't Be Last. I also wanted to be under 30 minutes but the first two goals were the most important. I was nervous.

So, I showed up for registration at 7:15 or so (start time was 8:00) and immediately regretted riding my bike as that meant I had no place to lock up my wallet or sweats. Good thing the husband and Otto were scheduled to come down before the start- I would be able to stash stuff in the bike trailer. I got my bib number and t-shirt (another thing that needed to be stored somewhere) and commenced to pin my number onto my tank top with mildly shaking hands about 47 different times until I was satisfied that it was straight and not going to bug me while I was running.

I also felt like I had to pee every five minutes. Yeah, nervous.

Fortunately, the running gods smiled on me and I spotted a bookclub friend in the registration line. I clung to her like a life preserver until the race start, the poor dear. After she got set up, we ran a few blocks together as a warm up and chatted which was great for keeping my mind off of the "what if's." We did some stretching and then the husband and the kiddo showed up and provided some more entertainment. And a place to put my stuff.

Before long, it was time to line up. The 10K runners left 5 minutes before us 5K-ers and we cheered them on as they thundered past. They looked fast. And skinny.

I lined up near the back of the back of the pack, figuring it was better to start slow and pass others than the other way around. I was so right. The gun went off and my friend and I stayed together for maybe 20 yards and then I shouted at her to "Have Fun!" and got inside my own head and tried to find my pace.

It was relatively cool and cloudy, so heat wasn't a concern. The race course was near my neighborhood, on streets I've run many times so finding my footing wasn't an issue. I was able to just let go and RUN. And it felt good. I was passing people. A LOT of people. I wasn't near the front, by any means, but I was doing it. I was DOING IT! And it felt good! It was fun!

The husband and Otto biked up to the half-way point aid station and cheered me as I grabbed a paper cup full of water and commenced to get it just about everywhere except in my mouth. Running is bouncy.

It was about here that the side stitch started. For some reason, my right side is prone to this and it happens often. I tried the tricks I've read about- shallow, quick breathing for a couple minutes and then deep, slower breaths for a couple minutes after that. The only thing that seemed to work, though, was shoving my fingers into my abdomen and cursing under my breath. That helped.

Since a 5K is only 3.1 miles, however, and I've been running almost double that on my long runs, it went by really fast and pretty much before I knew it, I was nearing the finish line. I could see the big clock! And people were lined up on the sides cheering...for me! I picked up my pace. This could be addicting.

I crossed the finish line with a time of 26:50:4...well under my 30 minute goal. People patted me on the back and brought me water and fruit and the husband said how proud he was and Otto reached up to kiss my neck.

We hung out for a while and then at the awards ceremony, I was surprised and frankly shocked when I heard my name called as 1st place for my age group. I got 18th overall out of 70 runners. WTF? This seemed crazy. And like it was probably a mistake. But I looked at the listed times and...yeah. There I was! 18th overall and 1st for women 30-40 yrs. Holy shit.

Gold medal!

I've signed up for another 5K in a month and am seriously considering an 8 mile trail race set for two weeks after that.

I'm just getting started.

My Favorite Things- Let's Go (Window) Shopping

2010-07-13T08:58:00.000-06:00

I know its kind of a silly, frivolous pastime, but one of my favorite things to do is window shop (and really shop) online. (Its still window shopping online- hello...Windows.) Some of these things, I have actually purchased and some of them are just plain eye-candy-wishful-thinking...

1. V-neck tee shirts. I'm finding that with all the strength work I've been doing, I now have some definition in my shoulders and my collar bone. (Yay!) However, the boobies are showing the effects of weight loss and pregnancy/breastfeeding. (Boo.) These cheap little shirts are flattering in that they highlight the collar-boned-ness while (paired with a nice little padded bra) creating the illusion that I still have boobs. (Its not a trick, Michael! Its an ILLUSION)

They come in lots of colors, but of course all mine tend to be gray, black, or something in between. I'm so predictable.

2. This online store. OMG THE CUTE. I think that ever since my stint in Denmark, I've had an attraction to Scandinavian design. In some alternate dream universe in which money is no object, I totally live in a beautiful, spacious home full of light and hardwood floors and pale smooth lines broken up only by whimsical textiles and creative light fixtures.

I mean, really:

3. My Asics running shoes. I know they are pricey. Oh lordy, are they pricey. But my dad sprung for them and I've always felt more comfortable spending his money than my own. Haha. Anyway, they are cushy and wonderful and pretty much the minute I started running in them, I noticed a significant decrease in my knee pain and overall achy-jointed ness. They rock.

I went to an actual running store to get fitted for these- they made me run and walk a bit for them and it was determined that I 1) don't pronate at all and 2) have high arches. These are what's known as a neutral, cushioned shoe and they are heaven to run on.

When this pair is shot, now that I know what I like, I'll fish around online for a good deal. Although, I recently discovered that if I join our local running club, I get 15% off at the running store. So when the time comes, I'll weigh my options and do whatever is cheapest. I do think it was important and worth a slightly higher price in the beginning to have a knowledgeable sales person help me find the right shoe for me.

4. This shop Etsy and their cute arm warmers. Here at high altitude, even though the days are warm, the early mornings and late evenings are very cool. A pair of these with your t-shirt and jeans can feel just right, especially when driving to work at 7am when the steering wheel is coooooold.

And OMG they're cute.

5. And for the same reasons, I'm loving lighter, summer scarves. They are just right when the chill comes off the mountain but you want to keep sitting outside, watching the citronella candle burn and trading insults with your friends over some PBR's. Ahem.

(Found here and here )

* Of course, I'm not getting paid for any of this. Just shoppers love/lust!

Born to Run

2010-07-07T09:04:00.000-06:00

You know, I'm honestly and pleasantly surprised at how much I'm getting into running. And not just because its exercise or something to do or meditation or sanity-saving or adrenaline producing or any of those other things that running is starting to be to me. I'm also getting into it as a Sport.

This is weird for me on so many levels, but mainly because I've never really 'gotten into' a sport. In fact, I've generally been pretty "anti:" I hate American football more than anything. I'd rather have a root canal than have to sit through a football game. Basketball is dumb and I really can't stand watching men play especially because every time they go up for a shot or a rebound all you see is huge pastures of armpit hair. Baseball is almost as boring as golf which is slightly less exciting than watching grass grow.

That leaves hockey and soccer, which I can tolerate and sometimes even enjoy if its something exciting (like the Stanley or World Cup) or its happening live right in front of me. But I would never say I was "into" either of them.

But running. Its something different all together. Its tough. Its about mental and physical endurance and tenacity and individual strength and determination. I found a pile of back issues of Runner's World at a garage sale a few weeks ago for a quarter a piece and snatched them up. Once home, I poured over them, reading each of them cover to cover and then flipping back through. I couldn't stop! The more I learn, the more I "get into" it, the more Runners inspire me.

Take Katherine Switzer, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon as a numbered entry. She entered the famous race in 1967 using her intials of K.V. Switzer, 5 years before women would be officially allowed to compete. Once she received her number and began running, and it was clear that she was female, a race official forcibly tried to remove her from the race. She literally ran away from him (with some help from her boyfriend who was running with her) and completed the 26.2 miles in 4 hours and 20 minutes. She later went on to win the New York City Marathon in 1974 with a time of 3:07:29.

Then there's Deena Kastor, an Olympian Marathoner, U.S. record holder and all around bad ass. She's 5'4", 104 lbs. and one of the best distance runners in the world. She's come back after injuries to run her heart out achieve personal bests and set U.S. record times. She's one tough little cookie.

I watched this movie the other day, which features these women, and many other runners and realized that I'm hooked. I got all misty at several points in the film, thinking about all the hard work and determination that each runner must have to finish such a long distance. Running long distances is hard and its lonely. Its grueling and not especially glamourous. It takes time and energy and a willpower that I just don't think everyone has.

But its also rewarding. Running is inspiring, fortifying, spiritual.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When I was in High School, I ran cross-country. It was easy for me. 3.2 miles is nothing and as a 16 year old, I had great times. I won female athlete of the year once. But then I discovered Boys. And Indie Rock. And Tom Robbins. And smoking and drinking and joy riding and all those other things young people do. And I left running behind and didn't look back.

My dad, on the other hand, has always been a runner. Always. Rain, shine, snow, wind...it never mattered to him. He was out there, running. When I was running, we would sometimes run together, him pushing me to be stronger, faster.

Then I Went Away. Europe, college, marriage, baby...these were in the foreground. Running was not.

This week, my dad came to visit. I casually asked him if he'd like to go for a run. His eyes shone. We left at 6am, striding together through the early morning fog, discussing shoes and foot placement and proper form and how to build speed. It felt like I was 16 again, running along side the first man who ever loved me, the first man who saw what I could truly be.

It was good to be back.

Old Glory

2010-07-06T08:31:00.000-06:00

Just dragged ourselves back into town after 4 days spent in the absolute WAR ZONE that is Lander, Wyoming on July 4th. Fireworks are encouraged. Open container laws are lifted. In short, it is a huge, drunken free-for-all involving fire and explosions. What's not to like?

Even though our "real" purpose was to be at the party for mom-in-law's 60th birthday (which was fun), we managed to squeeze in the parade and the husband and I even got out for a bluegrass show and a lawn party during which drunken 20-somethings were shooting off roman candles...at eachother. The mother in me kinda wanted to call their parents. But instead, I just grabbed another beer and got the hell out of their way.

Also, my dad was in town to run the half-marathon that takes place every year. He lives in Missouri, so the altitude bothered him a bit. But as you can see, he finished way strong. He is my hero and he is awesome. Maybe next year I'll be there with him...

And really, how cute is that little downtown? This is the town in which I spent my last years of high school and where I met my husband. So its always fun to go back and see how it hasn't changed at all. Well, at least not in the ways that matter.

And now, I'm sitting here trying to get my head around an overflowing inbox.

Viva la USA!!! And Viva la Vacation!!

One Question: Why is his "Childhood Friend" an Ampliphier?

2010-06-30T09:27:00.001-06:00

Just a quick word to confirm that I'm not, in fact, dead but rather working my ass off both at work and at home due to some weird cosmic convergence of Crazy Sucky Busy Time. (Hey! I think I'll trademark that phrase and put it on a tee shirt.)

On the upside, the weather is awesome, my kid is a rock star and my husband has his moments. Heh.

In my free time, (HAHAHAHAHAHALOL HILARIOUS) I've been enjoying some hits from the early 80's. Because rockin' saxaphone is awesome.

Who can it be now??

Just Keep Swimming

2010-06-22T16:03:00.000-06:00

In between morning rushes, bedtime stories, bug-collecting, ow-ies, bandaids, being superheroes, couch forts, snuggles, potty-ing and dinner times, I look at my son and can see that the tiny baby who was nearly an extension of me at first, nearly always attached to me in some way, mute, and helpless, is now (not so suddenly, but still astoundingly) A Person. With a Self. A Self who is independent of me on many levels, and becoming more so every day. And this is a good thing, something to be celebrated.

Now that he is walking, talking, running, discovering, arguing, negotiating, making friends, imagining, philosophizing about life, even...everyday, you can SEE that Self in there more clearly. It's breathtaking and awe inspiring and just...you know. He's breaking out of the cocoon of babyness and butterflying his way out.

It reminds me of turtles. You know, the sea turtles? The ones that hatch on the beach and somehow, someway have to make it all the way down to the ocean, their new, fragile little flippers dragging them through the sand, rife with predators and inclement weather and god knows what-all.

My son's sense of Who He Is, and how he feels about himself is a baby turtle. Cautiously venturing out from the safety of the egg, tentatively making his way out into the big ocean all full of multitudes of different, amazing, potentially harmful creatures. Many of whom would love a nice baby turtle appetizer and won't think twice about taking it.

Of course, I love the Self that is emerging. And I encourage it. I want to hold it in my hand and admire its beauty, its intricacy, its perfect design. I work hard to reflect back to him what I want him to see within- a worthwhile person, with amazing, smart ideas, a wonderful imagination, valid feelings, strength and sensitivity. I want him to know that he is worth seeing, worth listening to, worth loving. Worthy of pursuing desire, of pleasure, of peace.

And while I would like to just hold an umbrella over him as he navigates his way to the ocean, aiming a shotgun at any hungries who happen to come by, I know that's impractical. And ultimately, unhealthy for both of us. I can't protect him from every heartbreak, from those who would tell him he's somehow inferior, from disappointment. All I can do is give him the best start possible, and a safe place to come back to when the seas get rough.

But I might sleep with a harpoon under my pillow and carry a trident behind my back.
You know, just in case.

OMG, Y'all- Book Review.

2010-06-17T08:49:00.000-06:00

First. If you have not read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND READ THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW. You'll thank me. **

I actually just finished the second book in the trilogy and can't believe that the third one doesn't come out until August. August! I die!

This was a book club selection (I have the coolest book club! Love!) and probably not something I would have picked up on my own....maybe, but probably not. I hate to say it but the cover art kind of reminded me of some sort of Patriot Games adult man spy fantasy fiction. But. THESE ARE NOT THAT.

They are, however, young adult books but don't let that sway you- in my opinion, some of the best literature comes out of the 'young adult' genre.

I would like to provide a brief synopsis here but everytime I try to explain the first book to someone, I do such a terrible job, they look at me like a boob just sprouted on my forehead. Let's just say that The Hunger Games is thought-provoking, gripping, and features an incredible young female protagonist.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Second. Cecily of Uppercase Woman linked to a project involving bloggers writing letters to their 20 year old selves. This idea intrigues me and sounds really awesome. Truly. But every time I sit down to think about what I would write, I get all gummed up...like there's some shit that went down back then that I've never really taken the time to process. I try to picture my 20 year old self and I'm awash in images of confusion, heartache, recklessness, and hard-headed, almost willful self-destruction. Is that unusual? Or is that just what being 20 IS to most people?

I still may try to write the letter, but right now the idea of it feels like wading through quicksand. That can't be healthy.

** FULL DISCLOSURE: This is not a paid review. I just loved the book. However, if you buy the book from Amazon through my site, I DO get a little kickback. Just keeping shit real.

Questions

2010-06-14T11:13:00.000-06:00

1. Who's genius idea was it to have 'round table staff meetings' at 9 AM on MONDAYS? KILL.

2. How is my heater clicking on in the middle of motherloving JUNE supposed to keep me from wallowing in dank hole of self-pity and depression because? It feels like IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE SUMMER.

3. How much caffeine will it actually take for me to feel like a human today? 1 cup of coffee? 2? 37?

4. How are you?

So good...so good...I got you!

2010-06-09T09:25:00.000-06:00

I started counting calories and upping my daily workouts a bit in the beginning of April. I didn't really have a specific goal in mind, weight or size-wise, I just want to be...fit. I wanted to feel good and be able to do stuff. Like run a 5k. And hike. And do push-ups.

And here, for the first time, are some stats. Please don't think that I'm bragging or bemoaning or anything like that. I'm just stating what's going on with my body and certainly not passing judgement on anyone else's. Health certainly doesn't correspond with size! I just wanted to document what's up here because 1. I suck at keeping a journal...this blog is pretty much it most weeks, and 2. it's motivating to put this stuff out here for you guys...keeps me honest :-)

At 5ft, 8 in. tall, my starting weight, back in April was 160 lbs. and I was pretty consistently wearing a size 12.    I was already excersising moderately 4-5 times a week (ususally alternating days of 30-60 min. of cardio or strength training). I don't feel like I was out of shape, really, but I wasn't watching what I was eating (or drinking)...at all and I wasn't pushing myself in my workouts. I could only do 2-3 push-ups before I was cheating and going down on my knees.

Since April, (I think I've mentioned this before, heh) I've been journaling every. single. thing. I put in my mouth here which might sound a bit obsessive but its actually kind of fun. And addicting. After a few days of doing this, I learned (duh) that I could eat more of stuff that was better for me, i.e., fruits and veggies and non-fat dairy as opposed to cookies, breads, fatty delicious Tillamook cheese, etc.

For example, a huge salad, complete with spinach, avacado, baby carrots, tomato, cucumber, 2% monterey jack and salsa and even a little bit of light sour cream for lunch was under 300 calories! And filling! And super delicious! Add a couple of homemade masa corn tortillas and I'm stuffed and in at about 400 calories. Compare that to a lunch I might have had pre-calorie obsession of turkey sandwich with the before mentioned delicious full-fat cheese, mayo, and much smaller serving of veggies and maybe some chips and a piece of fruit and there is a HUGE difference, calorie wise. And overall feeling-wise. I've discovered that I just plain feel better when I eat the salad... the turkey sandwich/chips lunch would tend to make me kind of heavy and bloated or something. I just don't need that much food.   But I would eat it because it was there. And because that's what my 230 lb. 6'2" husband was eating. See if you can spot the error.

As of this weekend, I'm at 148 lbs. and fitting into 8-10's, depending on brand. (We went to Old Navy, Target, and Macy's over the weekend to get the husband some shorts and I tried on pants just for shits and gigs.)

More importantly, I have achieved my bigger goal of feeling good. I can now comfortably run 4 miles. I can do this grueling workout with relative ease.   I can do "real" pushups (not a lot, but even 10-15 push-ups off my knees is better than where I started!)   I have energy and a certain clarity of mind that I feel is directly related to increasing the intensity and duration of my work-outs.

My shoulders and arms look...dare I say...muscular. Ish. And my legs are firmer.   My collar bone stands out a bit. I'll probably never lose the little "I've had a baby paunch" around my middle, but that doesn't bother me because HELLO I created a person out of thin air and housed and fed him there for 9 months. My little tummy is a fucking badge of honor and honestly, I want to keep a little roundness there to remind me of how connected we once were and of the amazing shit a woman's body, MY body is capable of.

Most of this shit may be totally obvious to you and you very well might be sick of reading about it. But. This journey so far has been a huge adjustment for me and kind of all-encompassing. I've had to change the way I see exercise (fun! and challenging! and stress relieving instead of a boring chore that has to be completed) and how I see food (fresh, delicious fuel to be savored as opposed to whatever crap is there to shove into my pie-hole.)   I'm now planning on running a 5k in 2 weeks. And I'm totally excited. I'm also going to walk a half-marathon on July 4th. Because I can do it. And because its in a beautiful place and will be fun.

I feel good, you guys.

Keep on the Sunny Side

2010-06-04T08:20:00.000-06:00

You know that kind of sick that makes you feel like you're slightly high? Or drunk? That's what I have right now. A doozy of a summer cold complete with sinus pain, congestion, googly eyes and foul temper. Although that last symptom might just be a personality trait.

I've been sucking it up and going to work anyway because its our busiest time of year and my desk is awash in a sea of white paper and post-it notes. That, and I was cursed with this stupid thing called a 'work ethic' and actually feel guilty calling in sick when I know that I have a shit-ton to do. Go figure.

In other news, we're totally potty-learned (taught?...I dunno...I just don't like the word "trained") with only a few (pee) accidents here and there when he gets distracted. It was a MUCH less arduous process than I thought it would be and all I can think is that we just caught the right little developmental window and he was ready.

Now to work on weaning. Or not. I have conflicting feelings about it, but mostly feel like I'll be ready very soon. The little dude really only nurses now once a day (at bedtime) but asks to nurse if he wakes up in the middle of the night, hurts himself or is sick. So its not like I'm whipping 'em out constantly or anything. I'm sure that it will evolve like everything else and I should just enjoy these last nursings because Otto is probably going to be an only child. Right? Right. And now that I think about it, with me being all nasty-sick, he's getting my antibodies so if he gets it, it should be a much milder illness. So...upside.

The weather here has finally turned the corner into something resembling spring/summer with highs hovering around 70 degrees and leaves/blossoms popping out on trees. We've got cherry tomatoes, daisies, bell peppers, and lettuce (that we started indoors from seed) now in containers outside on our front stoop. We'll see how they get on, as the nights are still a little chilly.

We also started sunflowers and I planted them on the south facing side of the house, so hopefully they'll take off and give us some nice tall flowers later on this summer. Growing up in Kansas, I always loved watching how the sunflowers took pains to turn their faces toward the sun throughout the day. Isn't funny how nature kind of knows what's up if you just pay attention?

Weekend Redux

2010-06-01T08:38:00.000-06:00

We were SO overdue for a weekend like this: sunny, warm(ish), 3 WHOLE DAYS LONG...sigh. It was awesome. We hiked, we biked, we grilled, we socialized, we cleaned...I even went to the movies.

On Saturday, we hiked and it was probably Ruby's best day in her entire 10 month life. We let her off the leash and you could tell at first she didn't really believe it. She stayed very close and kept looking at her leash in my hand, like "This has to be a trick, right? Well I'm not falling for it!" After a while, though, she got more comfortable and by the end of the 3 miles, we were whistling for her every few minutes to come back in sight.

At the end of the trail, there's a little creek with a waterfall and we all stopped there for a snack and Otto and I even stuck our bare feet in the icy mountain water. Bracing. Ruby went nuts, especially when another family with another doodle joined us. It was the dog version of Clash of the Titans as the two dorks played and wrestled in the creek and then up on the dusty hillside.

We were so glad Ruby's been recently shaved because the other doodle? Who still had all its crazy hair? A huge mess. HUGE. Once Ruby was dry, I was able to brush her out to where she looked pretty much clean.
Right after the Epic Doodle Battle:

Other than that, we got a lot of chores done (washed both cars, and all our bikes, cleaned, did some planting), grilled some delicious food , (I know that recipe says to broil the chicken, but it was SO GOOD grilled.) and just generally enjoyed eachother's company.

As always, though, I didn't have enough time to do EVERYTHING I was hoping to get done (so sorry, picnic table that still needs to be sanded and sealed) but we did a pretty good job cramming a shit-ton of activities into three days.

ETA: Oh! Oh! I forgot the Breaking News from this weekend...my son now poops in the potty!!! You're welcome.

Yep.

2010-05-27T07:46:00.000-06:00

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

— Rudyard Kipling

Progress, Not Perfection

2010-05-24T08:28:00.000-06:00

Accomplished this weekend:

1. Progress on potty learning: Boy is consistently wearing undies/peeing in the potty. He asks for a diaper to go no.2, which is totally fine with me. Just that he's A, realizing that he needs to go and B, making arrangements to do it comfortably is awesome. If you think about it, potty learning is a HUGE new skill for a child who has been diapered. Not only is he learning to pay attention to his body's cues for the first time, his brain now has to learn to be two places at once: on the task at hand (playing, drawing, walking, whatever) but also paying attention to his bladder/bowels. Kind a huge step.

2. Kitchen was taken apart, cleaned, sanded, painted, and then put back together again. It was a big project but finished in less than a day, thanks to the...

3. In-Laws. Who stayed with us all weekend. They were so sweet to drive here and help us paint and buy us dinner and take the boy/dog for walks and etc. etc. I am so petty that I always end up being annoyed by little things when they are here (treating bathtime like a spectator sport, eating noisily, asking mildly invasive questions), but I'm also able to see the big picture: we have folks who adore us, support us, and just generally help us out with anything.

4. ~~Sleep.~~ Yeah, not so much.

EXACTLY.

2010-05-21T14:42:00.001-06:00

On Bettering Myself and My Surroundings- An Itemized List

2010-05-21T13:13:00.000-06:00

Item #1: I ran 5K in less than 30 minutes today! A personal best, if you don't count when I was running cross-country in high school. Because let's face it- anything pre-baby doesn't really count, especially when I was 16. I felt really good the whole time, and was able to keep my pace up without feeling like things were getting to crazy. And I just realized that the 'under 30 minutes' time includes a short break so the dog could take a shit. Go me!

     Item #2: I met with an adviser for a master's degree program today. We talked, specifically, about me applying for said program. This is scary and cool and weird and exciting all at once. She was super chill, gave me a tour of the whole department and was generally supportive and encouraging. I don't know for sure if I'll apply but its something I've been thinking about for a long time and its nice to have a more 3-D image in my brain of how it would be. In the (ok, somewhat unlikely) event that I did apply and then did get accepted, I wouldn't begin attendance until a year from now, so there is plenty of time to soul-search and hash out the pros (furthering my career, feeding my need to LEARN, a better life for us as a family) and cons (no money, would have to keep full-time job plus go to school, would take a long time, I would be SO BUSY). But dudes. School.

     Item #3: The in-laws are in town this weekend to help us paint our kitchen. When we moved into our rental 5 years ago, it had NOT been recently painted and we had the idea that a little fresh paint and sprucing up might take the sting out of not being able to buy a house for a few more years. And so, after agonizing over paint colors (with our landlady's blessing, of course), we're ready to begin the first room. We're going with a nice sage-y green color in the kitchen- "like a sushi restaurant" was the husband's request. While we're at it, I'll either sew or purchase some new cafe curtains and Oila! A little face-lift on the room in which we probably spend the most time.

     Once the kitchen's done, I plan to move on to the upstairs (main) bathroom (which is currently this weird pink-white color- gross.) and then the basement. Its fun to have a summer project. I'm looking forward to a weekend spent wearing old clothes, working with people I love, ordering take out and just generally not thinking about much other than the task at hand.

Item #4: Otto and I started some seeds indoors a while back and it looks like we might finally be able to begin thinking about getting them in the actual ground. We have sunflowers, daisies, cherry tomatoes, peppers, and lettuce. I also started some herbs in my kitchen window that are coming a long nicely. Bring on the mojitos!

One Small Step for a Toddler...

2010-05-17T08:12:00.000-06:00

...a Giant Step for Mama...

Suddenly, we're potty learning. Well, maybe not suddenly...the little guy has been using the potty before baths and at other random times since he was 18 months or so, but now? We're full on: Rockin' some mean Buzz Lightyear underwear, peeing standing up, kicking ass and taking names.

It seems kind of random, but I just had a hunch this weekend that it might be time. I can tell he's going through something developmentally (crazy verbal/hyper all weekend, huge leaps in vocabulary, sleeping really hard, eating a ton) and it seemed like a window of opportunity. He's had little bouts of underwear-wearing here and there (a few hours at a time) but yesterday we rocked it all. day. long. Except for nap. But! He was dry when he woke up. Rock star!

He was so excited to wear underwear to school this morning, too. I think he peed in the potty 4 times before we left the house. "Just in case, Mama," he said.

I just hope it goes well and that everyone is positive and encouraging to him. I know that he's at a great place and they potty train A LOT of kiddos so they know what they are doing. And there really is something to be said for peer pressure. He was the most excited to show his best friend in his class (who's been potty trained for a couple months) his undies.

I really love his teacher and I know that she will be supportive and patient with him but I still have this little knot of anxiety about it. I'm going to have to stop myself from calling once an hour today, probably.

I know its just the first of many achievements I'll be nervous for him about. Ok, it's 8:11 am. I might have to call them now. Heh.

Takin' it to the Limit

2010-05-14T09:32:00.000-06:00

So I got a wild hair the other day when I read somewhere that rollerskating burns like 800 calories an hour. I remembered how much I used to love skating and decided to post on our community's Freecycle message board to see if anyone had some skates to give away. In the fortuitous way that freecycling can sometimes be, about 20 minutes later I got an email from a person, not 8 blocks from my house saying Yes! They had some old skates collecting dust, exactly my size. I love them so much and am guessing they are maybe about as old as I am :-)...

And so last night found me clumsily rolling back and forth in front of my house, using my son as a balancing tool. It was the most fun I've had in days.

Happy weekend, y'all.

Mother's Day

2010-05-11T13:57:00.000-06:00

We had such a fun Mother's Day weekend, I'm sad now that its over. The holiday kind of snuck up on me this year. In all honesty, Mother's Day wasn't even on my radar until embarrassingly close to the actual day and then it was just me panicking about getting something to our moms...

Fortunately, a couple weekends back, the husband took the boy to our university's art museum for a "Mother's Day Art Project" and they made a gift for his mom (and for me, although I didn't realize it.) So that was covered. For my mom, I had Otto paint a sweet picture and then write his name on it (I know! He's writing his name! Squee.). I framed that and sent it off with a homemade card.

For me, however, the boys really went above and beyond. On Saturday, we drove down to Denver to the Butterfly Pavillion. It wasn't as impressive as say, the Zoo or the Downtown Aquarium but for the money, it was a wonderful thing to do together. They had a room with live exhibits of tarantulas, cockroaches, millipedes, centipedes and other bugs from all over the world. It was equally gross and fascinating for me. Otto, of course, loved it. He was especially intrigued by a tarantula named Rosie that an employee was holding in her hand and allowing (older) kids and parents to touch.

The butterfly rain forest was one of the most peaceful indoor spaces I've ever been in. So many beautiful butterflies and flowers and water features.

They also had a big, open play area with a special section just for kids under 5. There were coloring activities and things to climb on and more cool bug/worm/spider exhibits. Otto pretty much ran around willy-nilly like he was on crack and/or copious amounts of sugar.

After that, it was lunch out and then some shopping at Whole Foods where we carefully chose sea bass steaks to grill that night. Of course, when we got back up to Wyoming, the weather was too shitty to grill (i.e., cold, windy, and generally disgusting) so the husband improvised and pan seared the sea bass. It was, of course, awesome.

Oh, and he bought me flowers. Aw.

Sunday morning, I slept in, woke up to an empty house and discovered that the husband and the boy had taken the grocery list and the shopping bags and were doing the weekly trip. Yipee! I lay around like a woman of leisure, sipping coffee (that was already made and waiting for me) and reading the paper.

Later that morning, we had a trip to the park, a picnic in the front yard (because the weather decided to cooperate for a couple of hours), a gift of a painted flower pot from Otto (from the before mentioned Art Museum Day), a family nap, and another amazing dinner cooked by my man (pork satay, jasmine rice, and salad).

Oh! And we also went to Otto's first peer birthday party. A little girl in his class at daycare invited him and a couple others on Sunday and it was really fun! I wasn't sure what to expect and I was really worried I might have to make small talk with other parents (oh the horror!) but the Husband went with me. The theme and trinkets were little over the top for my tastes (Disney themed complete with Mickey Mouse ears, balloons, games, favors, cupcakes, pinata, buffet...etc.) but the gathering itself was super enjoyable and surprisingly relaxed considering it was a bunch of 2-3 year olds and their parents. It helped that two of our friends are related to the little girl and were there to take the pressure off having to talk to strangers (scary!!).

And that, in a (very large) nutshell, was Mother's Day. I do realize that I'm so lucky to have the family I do. I know that Mother's Day is hard for many women for many different reasons. And also lucky, I realize, to have such a good relationship with my Mom and that she's here. (She lost her own mom to stomach cancer when she was pregnant with me). We may not live physically close but we talk at least once a week and she's always there for me.

They come and go....they come and go-oh-oh-oh

2010-05-05T08:52:00.000-06:00

A shameless plug:

My (not so little anymore) brother wrote a children's book!! If you have time, please click the link to check it out. You can preview the entire book online. He is an amazing photographer and the pictures are just stunning. I just ordered little O his very own copy. Super proud big sis, here.

P.S., I am also the one who suggested the name for his chameleon. . Boy George 4EVR!!

Digging Myself Out

2010-05-04T10:15:00.000-06:00

I did it. Somehow, I made it through last week's Insane Work Craziness and came out the other side relatively unscathed. There might be some delayed decompressing but right now I feel pretty fucking amazing. I accomplished a lot, had many meetings, threw one enormous event (about 600 attendees) and am still almost not crazy. You know what I mean.

Here are a few of the things that are helping me dig myself out of the stress-trench I've been trapped in the last 10 days or so. I'm stoked that I have time to read books, play with my kid, cook, and surf the net again. Life is...well...better.

1. Donkeys. OMG how I love looking at pictures of sweet little donkeys. I've always loved them- they have such personality! My grandma used to love to tell this story about a little Family Circus moment I had when I was young: She and I were driving in the Kansas farm-country when we saw a sweet pasture of little gray donkeys. "Those donkeys remind me of Jesus!" I declared. Obviously, I was very young and smack in the middle of Catholic Ed. but even now...Donkeys kind of remind me of Jesus. But in a good way.

2. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a fucking fantastic book. I loved Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride Predjudice and Zombies, as well. Just totally awesome.
I especially love how he weaves the source material with the monsters so seamlessly...I'm simultaneously really interested in story while laughing my ever loving ass off. Leave it to me to discuss Jesus, Abraham Lincoln and Vampires in the same post.

3. This recipe for Black Bean Burgers with Mango Salsa. We've made it once a week for probably the last month. And none of us are sick of it yet. Otto absolutely loves it. Its wonderful "we wish it was summer" food. (And no, it is not yet summer here. Cold, windy, high temps in the 30's and 40's. To paraphrase Steve Zissou, "Sonofabitch I'm sick of this weather." )

But seriously, you should make this dish because it is awesome. The only thing we do differently from the recipe is we cook the burgers on our big ol' non-stick griddle instead of baking them- we like the crustiness the griddle provides and it seemed like baking them just kind of dried them out and made them fall apart a little bit.

4. Hangin' with my homies aka my family. They are awesome. Otto is super into cutting pretty much anything with his little green scissors these days so I put him to work on some coupons. Heh. And yes, that ad for tampons features a busty lady in a sports bra.

"I'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might have to turn your head..."

2010-04-22T09:55:00.000-06:00

I got to see Ani Difranco perform last night and it was amazing. I knew it would be.

I'm so glad I decided to just go, even though I have so much work shit to do right now it makes my head spin. At first, I had the same reaction to her that I had 10+ years ago: That it is so moving to have such a big, opinionated, BRAVE sound eminating from such a petite person. She is full of energy, honesty, charisma and I needed to see that. Of course, I love her recorded stuff (esp. the albums from the late 90's) but as with most artists, seeing her live is a horse of a different color.

And as I sat in the dark auditorium watching her, however, I realized that in the time since I last saw her perform we've both gone through major changes as women- married, become mothers, seen a new dawn for democracy in this country. It was evident that these events influenced her in her more recent songs, and evident that they influenced me in how I reacted to her music and lyrics. It was a moment of kinship with someone I have never met, but whose music has kept me company for 15+ years.

Love.

Aw, Nerds!

2010-04-19T09:46:00.000-06:00

Oh my holy balls. Work shit is totally rocking my sanity right now and its pretty much all I can do not to yell continuously 'FOR THE LOVE OF GRAVY YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST PERSON ALIVE.' to MULTIPLE individuals.

Saving graces (only barely though) include: My "know when to fold'em, know when to hold'em" husband (hello! dozen roses out of the blue last Friday. He could totally tell I was about to encapsulate myself in a bell jar.) , my kid when he's not yelling "NO!!!!" at me or arguing with every thing I ask him to do (so...maybe an hour a day of actual enjoyable little kidness?) , exercise, playing music and sleep. (Sweet, sweet sleep. I want to go to there.)

Please note that beer is not on that list. I'm TRYING, y'all.

Yeah. So if my little tiny corner of the interwebs is a tad quiet this week, you'll know why. I'm just out there in the work a day world, kicking ass, taking names, and occasionally channeling Liz Lemon.

To-Do List

2010-04-13T11:55:00.000-06:00

I always have a large, running to-do list but here are the items in the forefront of my brain right now:

*Clean out my closets and organize my clothes. Seriously. My closets are in a HORRID state. Piles of sweaters and t-shirts that haven't been worn in years. YEARS. Shit that doesn't fit. Underwear with holes in it. (Sorry...TMI?) Anyway, it usually seems to be in disarray at the end of winter but its probably the worst its ever been.

* Run a 5K this summer. I'm doing really well but need to keep it up and stay motivated, especially when my job goes to a 7:30am-4:30pm schedule for the summer (as opposed to 8-5 like it is right now.) 5:30am is MIGHTY EARLY to be pounding the pavement. I also want to make it to a running store to have my stride or step or whatever you call it evaluated because I don't think the shoes I have are quite right for me. (I'm having minor knee pain.)

* Plant herbs for my kitchen windowsill: Last year I had Basil, Mint and Chamomile, I think. I think I'll keep the Basil but maybe try parsley as well...hrm...I'm taking suggestions but please don't say 'cilantro' because it is GROSS. (And I am not alone in feeling this way!)

*Take Otto swimming more often. We were on a good streak of going every couple weeks or so there for a while but have fallen out of it. I recently bought a book with basic lessons for little ones and I'm excited to get back in and start helping him feel confident in the water. Plus the weather's getting warmer and I sort of feel like shaving my legs again. Heh.

*Finish the book we're reading for bookclub in two-weeks, before our next meeting. So far, it's a really interesting book but I'm having a hard time finding large chunks of reading time lately. I am also the one responsible for putting together a short list (4-5 books) for everyone to choose from next month. Suggestions?

Looking Up

2010-04-09T12:00:00.000-06:00

Not that things have been shitty or anything, but the last few days have just been...well...good. Some reasons:

First, the Husband and I are both working out regularly and eating well. It's nice to be on this journey together and exercising seems to help us both get rid of stress and crap feelings. I've always known this about myself and have worked out pretty regularly throughout my adult life, but the husband is just now getting into it and the difference in his mood marked. We are both sleeping well (except for when the little dude wakes us up, which is minimal.)

Speaking of, Otto is happy and growing and sweet (you know, apart from occasional two-year-old stubbornness, which is to be expected). He's really into singing right now. His favorites are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the theme song from the 1960's Spiderman cartoon. He serenades me regularly and emphatically. He still nurses once or twice a day which we are both okay with right now. I'm really looking forward to summertime and weekend days in the park and swimming and hiking and camping and all that stuff.

As for the other 'baby,' Ruby is maturing and losing some of the obnoxious puppy behavior. Her coat is a total mess, however, matted beyond repair even though I've been good about brushing her. I've done some research lately and from what the internets say, its her puppy coat coming out and creating fluffy matted messes. Or something. From what I can tell, it will get better. Anyway, we have an appointment for the groomers early next month to shear her like a sheep. Heh.

Overall, things are looking up from the depths of winter. The weather is (slowly) coming around to spring. I saw a robin the other day and the snow is almost totally gone- just a few dirty patches in shady places remain.

Loveliness.

Uke it Up!

2010-04-07T10:28:00.000-06:00

Something you may not know about me is that I have recently become a HUGE fan of ukulele music. Traditional, non-traditional, uke-punk, you name it, I pretty much love it. (I think Amanda Palmer , for one, can be credited with really feeding this obsession. And IZ, for another.)

Anyway, amateur musician that I am (or used to be, anyhow) I've been jonesing for a uke of my own for a while. Of course, I've never felt entitled to spend the money on something so unnecessary for myself (even though a decent beginner uke is only about $50). I've made do, instead, with listening to lots of music, scouring you-tube and giving my poor piano some love while wishing she was someone else. Shameful!

But my husband, bless him, took matters into his own hands and surprised me yesterday with a ukulele of my own, out of the blue! Its not my birthday, our anniversary...anything! (Its pretty much the same model I linked to above.)

I love it so much! My playing is so rudimentary that its comical but you have to start somewhere, right? So far its much easier for my relatively small hands to get around on than my acoustic guitar is. And I love the pure, light sound a uke makes.

It has been really hard to put it down and do things like eat, brush my teeth, or sleep. I just want to play it all the time. Also, its the perfect Otto size so he can have some fun with it too.

Here, for your listening/viewing enjoyment, one of the best you-tube ukulele acts I've found so far: GUGUG performing some Ramones. Loooooooooove.

ETA: IF and when I can play an actual song to the point of minimal embarrassment, I just might put it out here for you guys. Maybe. :)