Mah Heaaaaaarts On Fire for Elvira

I am a moderate fan of the White Stripes and this sort of makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry.

Thoughts?

I AM bringing sexy back.

Time for some pimpin', my friends. We all know I love lists and I figure its time for another My Favorite Things. I go through phases, like I'm sure most of us do...(except for my husband who has such fierce brand loyalty that it borders on some form of OCD) but right now, these are the things that are rocking my world, putting a bounce in my step (and hair) and keeping me slightly saner. Enjoy!**

1. Lush Ultimate Shine Solid Shampoo. I was dubious, at first, at the idea of a solid shampoo. I was addicted to my little coconut scented puddle of goop. But. I bit the bullet, found some of this stuff on Ebay (discounted, but new of course) and I don't think I'll ever look back. This shit IS the shit. Easy, lasts forever, no wasteful packaging, smells nice and my hair seems to lurve it big time. Win. Next, I think I want to try their solid Jungle Conditioner. I know! I'm so adventurous.

2. Puffs Plus Lotion with Vicks. OMFG, y'all. How can one of my favorite things be freaking tissues you ask? Because I've had a seriously heinous cold followed by hay fever these past weeks and THESE THINGS HAVE SAVED MY LIFE. They are so soft and something about the mentholish scent is so comforting...ahhhhh.

3. Tenacious D. Because of the awesomeness.

4. My Ipod Shuffle. Don't get me wrong. I love my Zune (I have an older version of the 120): its great for audio books, long car rides and was my VERY BEST FRIEND when I was pumping milk twice a day, but for running, and just throw-in-the-purse-ability, the shuffle is rockin' my world right now. In addition to the copious amounts of D (see #3), I'm also rockin' to: the new Green Day, the Hives, Screeching Weasel, and strangely enough, JT's Sexyback. SHUT UP! I JUST LIKE THAT SONG OKAY? ITS FUN TO RUN TO! I DON'T HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF TO YOU! *blushes and clears throat.*

I'm looking for more high tempo, motivating guilty pleasure music to add, so if you have suggestions...I don't care how dorky it is, if its fun and good to work out to at 5:15 in the am.

5. The MayaWrap Sling We had kind of taken a break from babywearing much there for a while...the little dude is SO independent- he had been wanting to walk rather than be worn or carried, so I had gradually phased out even packing the sling on most short trips. We never seemed to use it. Recently, however, the good ol' sling has had a bit of a renaissance and we're both back into it for short trips to the store, walks to the park, etc. He doesn't stay in it the whole time, but asks for it often enough that its worked its way back into the mix. This is good as we are going to fly to TX in a week and it will be nice to wear him at the airport. Its so handy to just throw him in it and go, as opposed to having a bulky, unwieldy stroller with buckles etc. Viva la babysling!!

6. Warm weather and charcoal grilling. The in-laws gifted us with a new charcoal grill as an early anniversary present and when it hasn't been raining (and even when it has) we've been having a blast cooking good food and spending time out of doors. Yay summer. Finally.

How 'bout you? Any "stuff" rockin' it for you right now??

**I don't get paid for pimping any of this stuff. God, I'm a sucker.

In which I (probably) bore you to tears

Don't really feel like I have a whole heckuva lot to say today other than a probably very dry report on our long weekend. So if you fall asleep and/or need to hop off to check huff post or whatever, I completely understand.**

You've been warned.

Saturday was Tattoo Day! The husband got me a tattoo for Mother's Day. My appointment was on Saturday afternoon in a town about an hour away, so a girlfriend and myself drove down and turned it into a little girl's day out complete with greasy pizza and beer. It was great fun and I LOVE my new art. Love it. A+ to the hubs for a great Mother's Day gift.

Sunday was spent wishing we could go outside but being stuck indoors because of rain and cold. Not done: yard work, gardening, washing of automobiles...We did, however, accomplish some housework that sorely needed to be done so I suppose that's ok. Still, I would have loved to be outside, with my hands in the dirt.

Yesterday, Mem Day, was again cold and rainy. We had an engagement with friends involving BBQ, which proved to be a challenge and required a umbrella placed strategically above the grill to keep the coals alive. It all turned out OK and instead of a backyard garden party, we hung out inside eating burgers, drinking beer and listening to Devo. I can think of worse ways to spend a legal holiday.

And now, here we are again in the middle of a work week, the only consolation being that it is a short one. Plus, I'm still riding the new tattoo high and keep looking at my arm when the new ink catches my eye. Love that.



**Really my weekend was not boring- new tattoo, crazy rainy day party...I think its more that I am feeling a bit shellshocked and worn out today and am therefore sucking it at the whole writing thing.

Plus...PLUS, I'm really PISSED OFF at the California Supreme Court right now, which I'm sure is clouding my mind. Douchebags.

Coherently Incomprehensible

1. I've been up since 3:30am. I am totally NOT responsible for the subsequent content of this post.

2. That said, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY please, Universe, PUH-LEASE let my child sleep tonight. My sanity and marriage depend on this.

3. Moving on: Am I the only one who not only doesn't care about who won American Idol, but am also sick of hearing about it?

4. Also: Orange flavored toothpaste- Yea or Nay? The husband swears by it but I can't get past my suspicion that it is probably completely disgusting.

5. Lastly, I hope everyone has a nice holiday weekend and asgkl;efjasion awv;ionawlkvad.m*

*Apologies. That was my forehead colliding with my keyboard. Probably because I am SO FUCKING TIRED. Weep for me.

He's Lucky He's So Good in Bed

Of course the joyous event of spring FINALLY arriving in this godforsaken state had to be tempered with something. I mean, you wouldn't want things to be TOTALLY awesome for any significant amount of time, right?

Hence, the arrival of the nastiest head cold I've had in quite some time. I've got sinus pain, congestion, body aches...I know- wah wah wah, boo-hoo, cry me a river- but seriously? Summer colds SUCK.

When I remarked on this fact to my husband, his astute reply was, naturally, "Well...Summer worse than others. GET IT? GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHA."

Yeah, he's an asshole. Cute, but an asshole.

Shut, er, Shush Up

Things I say far too often, based on the frequency at which my child is repeating them:

"Dammit"

"Ready, Honey?"

"Shit"

"Holy Shit"

"Holy Smokes"

"Cool!"

"Rock n' Roll!"

"Cookies!"

"Fuck"

"Nooooooooooo!"


Alright, I think that last one, at least, is more due to toddler-ness than me, but still...it comes out of his mouth amazingly often. Right now, when he repeats a swear, our strategy is to not pay any special attention to it, act like it is just another word and then mentally flog ourselves for being such sailors.

And, since I'm so very into lists today, a short one of the things I hope to accomplish this weekend:

1. Sleep
2. Cleaning
3. Sleep
4. Gardening
5. Sleep

Wish me luck.

Jiggety Jog

Made it up to the hometown and back again in one piece this weekend. Spent time with the inlaws- hiking, eating, talking, eating, watching a toddler roll around in the grass like a crazy person, and eating. The weather was cool, but not cold, cloudy but with a little bit of sun. It was a study in paradoxes.

So that's an achievement.

For Mother's Day, the husband got me $$ for a new tattoo and a very lovely card. YAY! I've already got an appointment booked and everything. I'll let it be a surprise, but its going to be classic, sailor-y, and incorporate my kid's name because I love that little turd factory SO much.

All in all, it was a nice weekend and now I'm back at the daily grind which seems grind-ier than normal because I got all used to sleeping until 7 and eating my weight in chocolate chip pancakes and stuff like that just doesn't happen during a 'work week.'

"It Would Be So Funny If He Drove a Miata..."

*In annoying sing-songy voice:*

ITS MY FRIDAY. OH YEAH. ITS MY FRIDAY.

For reals. We are taking a 4 day weekend and driving to our hometown to visit the husband's parents for the weekend. I'm actually looking forward to the mini-road trip and the change of scenery for a couple of days.

But.

Since it is my Friday, here's a humorous treat. JUST FOR YOU.

And warning: its a teensy bit racy so it might not be safe for work, unless you work in a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Like I do.

Enjoy.

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

When It Rains, It Pukes

Good fucking grief.

The weekend started out awesome: Saturday was rainy and we had fun cleaning the house and doing some painting with the kid. (He always starts out wanting to use a brush but 'finger painting' inevitably ensues...its a blast). Saturday night, important works of art set to dry on every conceivable surface in our kitchen, I went out for a drink with friends. Sunday I had La Leche League business to attend to which was a good excuse to girl-talk-it for 2 hours.

Sunday night is when it all turned to hell. It started innocently enough: The husband made homemade Alfredo sauce and served it over some fresh pasta purchased from the grocery store. We also had some bagged salad that was on a good sale.

At precisely 11:16 pm, I woke up with THE WORST sickness I have ever had. EVER. There was diarrhea. There was puking. There was BOTH AT THE SAME TIME FOR 5 STRAIGHT HOURS. The husband was in the same boat. After 9 years of marriage, you wonder how to reconnect? Just get violent food poisoning at the same time. A cheap, easy bonding exercise. You're welcome.

Our only saving grace was that while World War III was being waged in our innards, the kid was sound asleep, dreaming peacefully in his crib all night. Thank jeebus he didn't touch any of his dinner. I finally passed out on the couch around 4 am. I think the poor husband was up all night.

So yesterday, we both called in sick and spent the day daintily sipping ginger ale, nibbling saltines and watching movies while Otto played his little, non-food-poisoned heart out at daycare.

Thank the Powers That Be for daycare.

And now, on the other side of this horrific episode, a few observations: I feel suprisingly clean...last night I washed all our bedding (no one puked on it or anything but you know...I just wanted it clean), took the longest, hottest shower of my life and slept like I was dead for 10 hours. This morning, my pants fit a little looser and my head is strangely clear.

So food poisoning? Marital bonding technique AND effective detox. And you can take that free advice all the way to the toilet.

With their flapping heads and beady eyes....

...oh wait, that's Canadians.

So my husband IM's me this morning with this:

why is so much of our country so vile and disgusting?

and then links me here.

Good fucking question, I say. Oh, and it just furthers my hypothesis that conservative talk radio hosts are demon spawn from hell.