Antelope Dash

On Saturday, I ran my first ever trail race.  It was SUCH a good time, helped along, I'm sure, by the fact that several of my friends ran it with me AND the husband and the kiddo came up to cheer me on.

I got 3rd overall (womens) in the 4 mile and felt really proud of my effort.

Running buddies- (I'm number 18-note how the black capris make my white legs even whiter)

It was a gorgeous day and even though some of the hills made me feel like my heart was in my throat, there was a nice downhill coast for the last mile that gave me that coveted runner's high/on top of the world feeling.

At the finish line, I overheard one woman (who I passed at about mile 1) talking about how her "34 year old ankles just can't do this stuff anymore."  Um...I'm 33?  Heh.  So I've got a year?  *wink*

The post run spread was awesome, too- watermelon, apples, bananas, cookies, crackers, cheese, coffee, sportsdrink...I think I probably put back in whatever calories I burned.

I got a kickass huge medal and was cheered on by the cutest bystander ever:

It was a good day, except for the fact that I missed getting to see a friend in Colorado Springs because of the race.  Sorry, L!

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On an unrelated note, my husband shaved his beard off this weekend.  It's the second time I've seen his chin in the 17 years I've known him.   I kinda feel like I'm cheating on him with a stranger.  He looks that different.  But he also looks about 10 years younger and pretty effin' cute.

On the edge of 17

Confession:  I met my husband for the first time at a catholic youth organization picnic.  ( How funny is that given my current state of non-believing?)

It was August 27, 1993.  I had just turned 16 and was brand new in town, my family having just moved there from Montana.  My mom thought I could 'meet some nice people' at the gathering.  He was 17, an incoming senior and adorable in a grunge-rock 90's sort of way:  A tall, muscular redhead with shoulder length hair, combat boots, flannel shirts...a guitar player.  Neither of us were at the CYO picnic by choice.

We were attracted to eachother right away and I got grounded a couple days later for staying out super late with him after a Welcome Back to School dance.  After all, we were in a new town and I was with a boy I barely even knew.   No cell phones in those days.  I remember trying to call my parents once during the evening to let them know we were going to hang out after the dance, but I got a busy signal.  In an effort to appear cool, I shrugged it off and headed towards the city park with him, where we swayed back and forth in swings in the dark and talked the night away.  Sometime around 2am, my folks found us and the sound of rage in my father's voice is something I'll never forget.

By the way, the Husband got congratulatory high-fives from his parents for the same incident.  Double standards!

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Anyhow, here we are, 17 years later.  That is a long ass time.  Over half my life, that I've known and loved this man.   
Craziness.

Uke it Up!

Something you may not know about me is that I have recently become a HUGE fan of ukulele music.  Traditional, non-traditional, uke-punk, you name it, I pretty much love it.   (I think Amanda Palmer , for one, can be credited with really feeding this obsession.  And IZ, for another.)

Anyway, amateur musician that I am (or used to be, anyhow) I've been jonesing for a uke of my own for a while. Of course, I've never felt entitled to spend the money on something so unnecessary for myself (even though a decent beginner uke is only about $50).   I've made do, instead, with listening to lots of music, scouring you-tube and giving my poor piano some love while wishing she was someone else.  Shameful!

But my husband, bless him, took matters into his own hands and surprised me yesterday with a ukulele of my own, out of the blue!  Its not my birthday, our anniversary...anything!  (Its pretty much the same model I linked to above.)

I love it so much!  My playing is so rudimentary that its comical but you have to start somewhere, right?  So far its much easier for my relatively small hands to get around on than my acoustic guitar is.  And I love the pure, light sound a uke makes.

It has been really hard to put it down and do things like eat, brush my teeth, or sleep.  I just want to play it all the time.  Also, its the perfect Otto size so he can have some fun with it too.

Here, for your listening/viewing enjoyment, one of the best you-tube ukulele acts I've found so far:  GUGUG performing some Ramones.  Loooooooooove.

ETA:  IF and when I can play an actual song to the point of minimal embarrassment, I just might put it out here for you guys.  Maybe.  :)

Is that kind of like being a pepper?

Last night, I did something I don't do nearly often enough: I went out for dinner with a friend. And it was so fun! We met at a small, local eatery, filled up on homemade bread, wine and cheesy goodness and gossiped to our hearts' delight. After stuffing our faces, we ran across the street to a local watering hole for a drink before I had to head home for bath/bedtime with the little man. It was great to get out and have some girl time. And part of me knows that its good for the Husband, the kiddo and puppy Ruby to have some time to themselves as well.

I felt like I was proven right when I walked in the door and Otto was so happy to see me. He ran to me exclaiming, "Mama! Mama! Mama! Guess what?!?!?"

"What, honey?"

"Ruby is a dammit!"

And with that, he sprinted away.

Maybe this is why I don't go out more often. Sigh.

9 Freaking Years

Today is one of those rare days where the world seems just right. Do you know what I mean? The stars have aligned, the pieces have clicked into place and for what I'm sure is a very brief moment things are...magically copacetic. My family is sleeping well again, the weather is finally behaving itself and even though we are broke, we're broke together which can be kind of fun in a twisted, depraved sort of way.

Today is also the husband's and my 9th wedding anniversary. And fuck if that doesn't make me feel old as dirt.

We met the week after I turned 16. Love at first sight and teenage angst and first times and all that. The next few years were heady, passionate, and volatile: After being attached at the hip for a year, B. went to college, I dated someone else. I went to Europe, he dropped out of school. I came back and went to a University Far Away. B. decided to join me and moved halfway across country. It didn't work out, horribly, and we didn't speak for 2 years.

Then, somehow, we reconnected. Really, it was just both of us pulling our heads up out of our asses long enough to realize "DUH we're supposed to be together so lets stop acting like idiots." We spent one amazing summer together and by the end of it, just after I turned 22, we were engaged.

And its been a crazy ride ever since. I'd like to say its all been romance and laughter but you'd know that was bullshit. I'd like to say, rather, its been REAL. The romance and laughter have been there right along with the frustration, the heartache, and the late night heated discussions. There have been fights, making up, agony and pure joy. There have been drunken trips to the grocery store at 2am for eggs and bacon, movie marathons, camping trips, funerals, weddings, countless visits with in-laws, private jokes, loving glances, meals prepared. There's been the deaths of a best friend, a grandpa and a beloved pet. There's been an unplanned pregnancy.

There's been Saturday afternoons at the movies, whispering jokes to each other and stifling laughter in the popcorn scented darkness. There's been music- tons and tons of music- songs written, guitars built, pianos played. There's been this whole new thing where suddenly WTF? we are parents and that seems totally INSANE that someone would trust us with something like this and OMG what if we totally screw up?

Mostly? There's been us. The two of us, present in our lives, doing the best we can to be together, stay together, and have fun doing it. And I think we have succeeded. Are succeeding.

And I'm one lucky beeyotch.

He's Lucky He's So Good in Bed

Of course the joyous event of spring FINALLY arriving in this godforsaken state had to be tempered with something. I mean, you wouldn't want things to be TOTALLY awesome for any significant amount of time, right?

Hence, the arrival of the nastiest head cold I've had in quite some time. I've got sinus pain, congestion, body aches...I know- wah wah wah, boo-hoo, cry me a river- but seriously? Summer colds SUCK.

When I remarked on this fact to my husband, his astute reply was, naturally, "Well...Summer worse than others. GET IT? GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHA."

Yeah, he's an asshole. Cute, but an asshole.

Teenagers in Love

Lifted from Dooce, this meme seems oddly appropriate right now during all of this marriage-centric stuff I have going on. Wonder if I got the husband to do it how many answers would be different?

What are your middle names? Julia and Lorin. Both after grandparents.

How long have you been together? This one is hard. We have been married for 8 1/2 years, were together for a year before that, but we were high school sweethearts before any of this started.

How long did you know each other before you started dating? I met him 4 days after I turned 16 years old. And we started dating pretty much immediately.

Who asked whom out? He asked me to a pre-school year dance. At the fire hall. We might as well have grown up in Mayberry.

How old are each of you? We're only 1 year apart- I'm 31 and he's 32.

Whose siblings do you see the most? Definitely his. They are all either in Wyo. or Colorado. Mine are scattered all over the damn place. It is interesting, though, that our families are structured the same way: Two die-hard catholic parents, one daughter (the eldest in both cases) and 3 younger brothers.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Honestly? Right now, it is trying to function as working (outside the home) parents. Its kicking our respective arses. I know we will get through it, find equilibrium and possibly even our sex drives again but right now, daily life is sort of a challenge.

Did you go to the same school? We both went to the same high school for one year. Then he graduated and moved away and broke my teenage heart. Heh.


Are you from the same home town? Not really. Sort of. He grew up there, I moved there when I was 16 and moved away 2 years later. Really I was just there long enough for us to meet and for me to be introduced to recreational drug use.

Who is smarter? He is smarter about lots of things. He is very book smart, has a fantastic vocabulary and is very good with logic. I'm better with people. It evens out. Sort of.

Who is the most sensitive? I plead the fifth.


Where do you eat out most as a couple? Does our living room count? Hee hee. When we are able to get out, we rotate between 2 or 3 of the good restaurants here in town. There's a little vegetarian place we really like. We do not have a lot of choice. If we could go anywhere and eat, though, it would be sushi, no question. Its just that to get a good sushi meal around here you have to spend at least an hour in the car, one way.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Missouri. Wow that's so sad. He's not really crazy about traveling and we are always broke...

Who has the craziest exes? Me, as far as I know. But I don't really know any of his exes...

Who has the worst temper? He does. Not to say I don't have one, but he gets very angry very quickly. Mine is more of a slow burn.

Who does the cooking? We share this pretty equally. He certainly enjoys cooking but so do i.

Who is the neat-freak? I wouldn't say that either of us is a 'neat freak' per say, but I'm usually the one who cleans house on the weekends. If I want help, I have to ask for it.

Who is more stubborn? I think its a tie.

Who hogs the bed? Probably me, completely unintentionally of course.

Who wakes up earlier? I do. On weekdays I'm up at 5:45 working out. And on weekends, I usually get up with the little monster.


Where was your first date? The afore mentioned dance. Gag.


Who is more jealous? Probably him.


How long did it take to get serious? We were pretty serious right away...in the way that only teenage lovers can be. Everything was DRAMA and FOREVER and OMG WE ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER...then we broke up for like 2 years. But then we got back together again. Then we broke up for 2 years again. Then we got back together. Then we got married...Its like a mexican soap opera! Only with more punk rock and whiskey instead of tequila...

Who eats more? He does, although I gave him a run for his money during the whole preganancy/breastfeeding thing.


Who does the laundry? I do. I have a thing about someone else washing my underwear.

Who's better with the computer? Definitely him. I pretend to know what I'm doing but he actually does.

Who drives when you are together? Used to always be him, no question. Since we have the little guy though, it seems to be more me since the car seat is in my car. Honestly, he is probably the better driver although I have only ever been in one crash that was NOT my fault (knock on wood)



I'm curious to read others' answers to these questions...Feel free to post your own answers in the comments or link to your blog...

A Room of One's Own

Time. Its cliche, I know, to wax poetic about the lack of time, not enough hours in the day, blah blah blah. But really. This seems to be at the heart of issues, at least in my life, time and time again. I don't write about my marriage much here, mainly because I don't want to air dirty laundry, but things have been challenging lately. And it all boils down to : time.

Between two full-time jobs, a kid and all our other obligations, there is precious little time left for each other. And when we are finally alone, we're both so tired that tempers flare easily or we just don't have the energy to connect in the ways we need to. And while you dirty birdies might be thinking horizontal mambo, the real connection that is lacking is verbal.

We don't talk as much as we need to.

I think this week, things finally came to a head and we realized that something needs to change. Our epiphany is this: We don't get enough time to ourselves and this makes our time together feel strained. From work to home to dinner to bath time to chores etc leave precious few minutes to just be alone with your thoughts.

So, we are implementing some subtle schedule changes that will hopefully increase the alone time each of us receives, thereby making our together time a bit more pleasant.

Who knew this whole married with kids thing was going to be so much work?

Fuck it, lets go bowling.

(Isn't there just a Big Lebowski quote for EVERY situation??)

Better and WTF?? *EDITED

Things are better. A lot of that has to do with some communication that finally happened between the husband and myself, but also with a nice weekend and some badly needed down time. So yay. Also, I think that maybe last week I was a little pre-menstrual without the 'menstrual' part (I haven't had a period since December of 2006 due to pregnancy and breastfeeding. So, you see, there are perks :-)

Moving on: What do you think of the cover of the New Yorker? I suppose I can sort of see where the artist was coming from, but HOLY COW. Somehow, I don't think most people will appreciate the satire. Obama is going to have a tough enough time fighting the misconceptions of the uneducated without having to combat images like these from supposed supporters. Gah.

*ETA: I fucking KNEW that John Stewart would put this into perspective for us. Lol.

Monday, Monday

I went to the movies with a girlfriend yesterday afternoon (we saw Atonement which was beautifully shot, but wholly depressing) and the Husband amused himself by sending pix messages to my cell phone. This was my favorite.

I like that the baby is totally rocking the Johnny Cash man-in-black thing and then sitting on a pink blanket.

39 weeks...

...and no signs of impending labor. Not that I was expecting any, really. I don't even think the kid has dropped yet- I'm still carrying very much out front. I've had some low, dull mentrual-like cramps but nothing with a pattern or anything. I'm thinking it will be at least another week, if not longer. At my last appointment, I was only dialted "a fingertip." The midwife said they will "let" me go up to 41 weeks and then I'm assuming they will want to induce. I really hope to avoid that if I can...I hear nothing good about induction and don't really want to go there unless its absolutely medically necessary. But maybe I'll feel differently in two weeks if the kid hasn't shown his little face yet...

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good. Not really sleeping much, but I think that's par for the course. Trying to do alot of relaxing and de-stressing when I'm not at work: reading a good book , watching lots of movies with the Husband, taking long, hot baths, going to my knitting group, lunches with friends, etc. I'm fully aware that my time for these sorts of activities may be in short supply very soon. And something tells me that I should just be taking it easy and conserving energy. Because of my leg, I can't work out but walking has been ok'd so the dog and I have been taking nice moderate walks in the mornings and I'm still walking to and from work (only 8 blocks or so.)

In other news, we ordered a part for the Husband's car and hopefully will get it up and running sometime soon. In the meantime, we've been using my little car which (knock on wood) is still running fine and the Husband has been able to borrow a friend's van as well.

He's also getting help for his panic attacks, which I am so proud of him for doing. I think there are alot of guys who would resist talking to drs, therapists, etc. but I think he realizes that he needs help and by helping himself, he's helping me to not be so worried about him.

So, all in all, things are looking up. Next midwife appointment is this Friday. Wonder if she'll notice any signs of progress...

Updates

Baby: Had 37 weeks appointment with midwife today. Can't believe we are getting so close! I tested positive for Group B Strep which sucks, but she did her best to reassure me that it won't impede my labor too much- I'll have to have a heparin lock and get antibiotics once every 8 hours for 15 min. or so, but I should be able to pretty much move around and do whatever I need to do otherwise.

The baby's movement has decreased in the past couple of days and she couldn't really get him to squirm much so she did a non-stress test. Good news is, baby is fine. I think that between her poking and prodding him and then getting hooked up to the monitor, he woke up and realized that we were expecting him to DO stuff. heh. I was having contractions and the baby was responding great so no worries.

Midwife also gave me her cell phone number "just in case," and let me know where she would be this weekend...I wonder if that means she thinks something's happening...

Husband: Still having panic attacks but hopefully he will be getting help soon. A therapist is supposed to call him back this week. I know he can't help it and the last thing I want is to add to his stress, but it kind of worries me. What if he has one when I'm in labor and I'm left alone to deal? That freaks me out. I hope we can get this resolved or at least under control before d-day.

Car: Husband's car is still dead. We haven't really done anything about it number 1, because we are broke, and number 2 because we are just trying to get a handle on the panic attack thing. And I'm trying to avoid anything that might stress him at all and that definately includes hounding him about getting his car fixed. Sigh. Why do things have to be so stressful all the time??

At least baby is good, we are pretty much ready, except for getting the carseat installed (really must get on that) and we have eachother. But seriously. I'm just ready for things to be NORMAL again.

Ok, so THAT sucked.

Much to my bitter displeasure, I was on bed rest all last week for a freaking superficial blood clot behind my left knee. I had an ultrasound on it to determine that "oh, it is not the dangerous kind," but rather the OH MY GOD I AM IN CONSTANT EXCRUCIATING PAIN kind so not only was I pretty much confined to the couch doing moist heat compresses, but I was forced to take precious sick days that should have been used for maternity leave goddammit! (Yes, I am so put out by this that it excuses run on sentences.)

Anyway, I'm back at work today and the leg is now back to tolerable amounts of twingy pain as opposed to constant gritting my teeth and wanting to amputate pain. I think the heat and elevation has pretty much cleared the clot (there is just one tender spot) but the hard, rope like texture of the vein and general discomfort probably will not lessen until I pop this little critter out, hopefully in 3 weeks or so. I'm wearing support hose (yes, I am SEXY) and doing as much as I can to keep the clot from coming back.

To add insult to injury, The Husband's car broke down and will not start so we are down to one vehicle. I'm sure it will be 5 million dollars to fix. WHAT THE HELL. Oh -oh -AND he's been having panic attacks lately (and can you really blame him?) which means that I'm worried about him and there have been doctor visits and xanax pills taken and ugh.

A lady at work gave me the book "The Secret" and I've been trying to send positive thoughts out into the universe but jeebus. This is getting frickin' ridiculous.

Time to practice my breathing for labor. Deep breaths. Deep cleansing breaths....

We should have been sent to detention

When you were in school, remember those kids that were the troublemakers? The annoying ones who were always laughing at some secret joke in the back row and who never hesitated to sass the teacher? Well, we attended Prepared Childbirth classes this past weekend and let me tell you, we WERE those kids. The Husband had me in stitches the entire time with a running commentary about everything from our fellow classmates to ridiculous labor 'helpers'...it was fucking hilarious. I could go into details, but it was all pretty vulgar and probably only truly funny to us anyway. A "you had to be there" type thing.

In between all the barely controlled (and probably highly annoying) giggling, we did manage to learn quite a bit. I have to say that all in all, the class greatly relieved alot of the anxiety I was feeling about childbirth. We got a tour of the "Family Care Unit" of the hospital and learned alot about relaxation and breathing techniques to try during labor. And, if nothing else, I'm pretty confident that my labor support person will be able to make me laugh.

And, in another fit of 'getting ready for baby,' I finally ordered the carseat, stroller, and co-sleeper. Yay! Honestly, at this point I think we are pretty much ready. There are a few odds and ends that we could stand to get (i.e., a few more burp cloths, changing pads, and maybe another co-sleeper sheet or 2) but I keep reminding myself that getting ready for a baby is NOT like preparing for the Apocalypse...the world will keep on going even if I do have a kid and this includes grocery stores and Kmart.

Pump it up!

I've totally been stressing about getting a breast pump. They don't rent them here in this po-dunk town anymore and as I will be going back to work full time 10-12 weeks post partum, a good pump will be a necessity. There are some nay-sayers in my life who cautioned that I should 'wait until after the baby comes to make sure I can breastfeed.' These are mainly women who themselves gave up on breastfeeding right away. However, my argument is that 1) I am doing lots of reading to prepare myself for what to expect 2) I am COMMITTED to breastfeeding. Period. and 3) As my midwife so succinctly put it, it is not rocket science and with patience and the right support, pretty much everyone can do it if they are willing to put in the effort. So there you go. Plus, I think that if might be handy to have the pump right from the get go in case I need to pump to up my supply or something.

Anyway, after some research, I decided that the Medela Pump In Style double pump was my best bet. I'll most likely be pumping at least 3x a day at work and want something reliable and efficient. However, the $250 price tag on the Medela is a little daunting. Fortunately, I am married to an Ebay GENIUS and he found a brand new, unopened one for...(drumroll)...$180. That's with shipping.

Yay!

So that's one more thing taken care of. 7 weeks to go!

An Idiot, by any other name,...

So- I'm not sure if I shared this story on this blog yet...Remember how we were keeping the baby's name a secret to avoid commentary/suggestions/associations, etc? Well, the secret is out. And to tell the truth, although I am fine now, I was just a little pissed about how it all went down:

We were at a friend's house hanging out. Everyone (exept yours truly, of course) was drinking and generally making asses of themselves. And The Husband starts talking about how we should just tell everyone the name since we are decided and won't change our minds. I consider this and say something like, "yeah, well we might decide to let the secret out at some point, I guess." Then, I realized what time it was and that I had to work the next day and took off home. The Husband stayed, of course, because he would rather be tired and hung over at work than miss time making an ass of himself in front of our friends.

The next morning, I find out that he took it upon himself to share the name with everyone. After I'd left. So I didn't get to see anyone's reaction or anything. Boy, was I livid. At that point it was essentially game over and we have subsequently shared our choice with family, co-workers, and the like.

I don't really mind people knowing- lots of people decide on and share names before their kids are born. But somehow, I was enjoying having this one little secret that was just ours...everyone knew that the ultrasound showed "boy" but the name was still a mystery to everyone but us. Is that selfish?

Guess it doesn't really matter now. The Husband was very apologetic, saying that he didn't realize how I felt about it, yada yada yada. What's more, everyone we've told has loved the name or done a good job of hiding their repulsion.

And I suppose that there are plenty of questions still to be answered, lots of mysteries to be solved- who will he look like? What will his personality be? How shitty of a mother will I ultimately become?

Oh, and just so you don't feel left out, his name will be Otto.

"Alllll byyy myyy seeeeeeelf. Don't wanna be..."

Today marks day 8 that The Husband has been gone on tour with his band. Naturally, I have mixed feelings about this. Primarily, I miss him a lot. Where else am I supposed to direct my pregnancy-hormone-induced rage when he is not here? Plus, cooking for one sucks. And you know, there's all that other stuff about him being my best friend/sexy rock n' roll lover yada yada yada.

On the other hand, being home alone has a certain charm. I've gotten so much housework done, its unreal. And funnily enough, the house is staying clean with just me there picking up after just myself. I've been knitting, reading, watching movies and generally doing nothing but what I want to do when I'm not at work. And at this stage of pregnancy, I can't say that the time to myself hasn't been kind of nice.

I will, however, be ready to see him when the tour van rolls into town on Saturday. Hopefully, he won't be too put off by the beginnings of a lovely, dark pink stretch mark I discovered yesterday on my hip...man- who knew pregnancy could be so sexy?