Of Cabbages and Kings

1. I've been re-reading Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. It is indeed wonderful. All the silliness and nonsense feels good to my brain right now.

2. Also reading this book. The movie was great but the book, so far, is creepily awesome. I love it.

3. It has dawned on me recently that I have the most amazing group of IRL girlfriends ever. I'm sort of weirding out about my upcoming birthday so they've decided to throw me a party. With sushi. So sweet.

4. We still don't know WTF is up with my car. Two mechanics have looked at it now and neither one can figure it out. Their advice? "Just keep driving it and see what happens." AWESOME.

5. My kid is getting big and mouthy. But he's still super cute and pretty much my very favorite person in the known universe. First s'more:

That's it for now, I guess. Just nosing the grindstone as they say.

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. But I do like chocolate. Just for the record.

Firstly, we went camping with the in-laws last weekend and for some reason, it was not annoying or irritating...just nice. Relaxing, even. Wha? I know! Maybe I'm growing as a person!

We had a fabulous time, sleeping in a tent (it was Otto's first time), making s'mores, hiking, reading books in the sunshine next to a river. Awesome. And much needed time away from computers, TV, Internet, xbox...all that. It was delightful to just BE.

But of course, our return to civilization was inevitable and here we are again with our crazy days of daycare drop offs, long workdays, hastily prepared meals and harried work-outs. Oh and my car is in the shop for what is yet an unknown malady. The mechanic actually called me last night to say he has no earthy idea what is wrong so he 'might have to call Subaru' in the morning to figure it out. Awesome.

Secondly, I'm sure lots of parents, go through cycles where some weeks you feel like you are totally ROCKING this whole working parent thing and then other weeks, you feel like the absolute worst parent ALIVE and are completely secure in the knowledge that you are scarring your child for life?

Guess which kind of week I'm having. Yeah. Its been a tough one.

The kiddo's started hitting me when he doesn't get what he wants which I know is totally normal but OH MY GOD it pushes my buttons and it is SO HARD not to react. I am making a conscious effort to respect his feelings and understand where the frustration is coming from but there are times, oh boy howdy, such as in the grocery store when I am just trying to pay and get the fuck out of there and he is sitting in the cart hitting me and yelling "NO MAMA!" and it is SO HARD to maintain my composure. And all the understanding in the world doesn't change the fact that I have very limited time to do these sorts of errands and sometimes he just has to come with me even though that's not an almost-two-year-old's ideal way to spend a Monday night, you know?

And I don't want to be that mother who tenses up and talks in a low menacing voice with all sorts of threats but I also don't want to be the one going "Oh honey! Oh! Its OK! Mama is hurrying little bumblekins!" You know?

What do you guys do when your kids are being little shits in public? How do you get through it without doing something you'll regret or making a complete ass of yourself and your child? How do you respect your kid's emotions and integrity AND preserve your sanity? Inquiring minds want to know.

IT'S SHARK WEEK...

...and I have yet to watch any of it. My days have recently been stuffed with parties and YES I know there are worse problems to have but OMG when you have 3 days in a row of parties when you are used to maybe 1 every 6 months it is EXHAUSTING.

This morning I had the audacity to attempt a work out and my body was all "OH REALLY, BITCH? CRUNCHES? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I thought drinking beer and eating cake was the new workout...? NO? WELL FUCK YOU!!!" And I was all "OH NO YOU DIDN'T! DROP AND GIVE ME 20 YOU CAKE EATING WHORE!" True story.

Two of the party nights were totally awesome, a going away party I co-hosted and then my husband's birthday party the next day. Fun fun fun. A copious amount of alcohol was drunk and there was plenty of food and cake to go around. Good music prevailed and the summer night air felt awesome.

Sunday, however, was a COMPLETELY different story.

The husband's cousin got married and OMFG it was the WORST wedding I have EVER been to. Seriously. Horrible. The ceremony was at 4pm. It was over by 4:15pm. The reception was at 6pm in the same room in which they'd had the ceremony. Therefore, they expected everyone to "socialize" in the hotel lobby for AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES with no refreshments or seating. The poor little grandmas were feeling it. Hell, I was feeling it.

When we finally got into the reception to sit the fuck down, we were treated to the most obnoxious DJ in the known universe and some fantastic nursing home food. Think mashed potatoes, over cooked meat, white rolls and iceberg lettuce. Oh and make-out sessions between the bride and groom every 3 minutes. While we were eating. Barf. Not at all feeling guilty for leaving early.

The sad part is that these people (or their parents- I think the bride and groom were 21 and 20, respectively) probably dropped an enormous wad of cash for what was easily the shittiest Sunday afternoon I've spent in a long time. I'm wishing them happiness and all that but good lord people. Have a little freaking dignity. Classy does NOT have to be expensive. I'm no wedding expert, but I do know that there are plenty of websites/magazines/books with lots of information on throwing a great shindig on a tight budget.

Could be that I am just a snob and maybe this was their perfect, ideal, dream wedding complete with the slutty garter toss and dollar dance and drunk bridesmaids writhing around and screaming along to "Baby Got Back." But please kill me if I ever have to sit through anything like that again.

I'd rather get eaten alive by a shark.***

Which reminds me...where's the remote?


*** Of course, I'm totally kidding about rather getting eaten by a shark. Shark attacks are very serious things and I in no way mean to take them lightly. Really. I'd rather shoot myself in the face with a nail gun.****

****Nail guns are also very serious. I am in no way taking victims of nail guns' lives lightly. I'd rather get run over by a very large semi-truck carrying a huge shipment of dildos. Really.

Bottoms Up

This summer, so far, has turned out to be all about self improvement and feeling good. Not on purpose, mind you, at least not in the sense that it was premeditated. But the husband and I have just shifted somehow, into a place where it genuinely feels good to be exercising daily and eating well.

I'm now able to jog 3 miles at a reasonable pace- I won't be winning a 5K anytime soon but I'm still pretty fuckin' stoked that I can do this. My body feels leaner and stronger. I have more stamina and the occasional sleepless night that still seems to be plaguing our lives feels less onerous. I don't know if I've lost weight (I simply have not checked) but my clothes are fitting better and I don't feel as jiggly, so...probably?

Our cooking has taken a largely vegetarian, vaguely middle eastern turn- lots of tabouli, felafel, hummus, grilled boneless skinless chicken breast (which yeah, I know, NOT vegetarian, but pretty different from the constant tacos, chili, and baby back ribs of last summer)...I love summer and the charcoal grilling. No soda this summer, with the exception of the ginger ale in the Moscow Mule because HELLO? Best summer drink EVER. Beer is still in the equation as well, because a life without it is simply not worth living. All things in moderation, holmes.

And so here we are, nearly to August, my birthday month. I gotta confess, I DO feel a little bit older and wiser this year. And that's a good thing. The wiser part, anyway.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I'm kind of dreading my birthday. Not for the reasons you'd think- 32 doesn't really scare me any more than 31 did. It's just that it marks the 1 year anniversary of the day we lost McHann. It was such a horrible, sad, sad day, my birthday last year. It's going to be hard not to think of what we went through on the floor in that vet's office...holding her, speaking softly and watching the light leave her beautiful brown eyes. Afterwards, we went to a park on the edge of town, sat side by side and looked at the mountains thinking about and agonizing over what had just happened. Then we went to the Buckhorn for Jager shots.

Maybe if I flesh out all this stuff before my birthday it will not be as crappy? Worth a (Jager) shot, anyhow.

Hello! Its Tuesday Morning! (Can I PLEASE Go Back to Bed Now?)

Some observations, in no particular order or importance:

1. Microwave s'mores are sort of like nicotine gum - will satisfy a strong craving but are no where NEAR as good as the real thing.

2. I found myself looking in the mirror this morning wondering if instead of making feeble attempts to hide my dark circles with concealer, I should rather embrace them and start a whole new pale, dark-circled beauty trend. Sort of a 30-something mom meets heroin chic look?

3. WTF is up with the rule that says my hair/make-up/outfit that looks super cute in the bathroom mirror at home, looks shitty and half-assed in the mirror in the Ladies room at work? Seriously.

4. True Blood is completely, totally fucking ridiculous. And I still watch every week. "Sook-eh...Ah em Vampahr!" " Oh, Beel! Ah ken hear people's thowts! Eet sucks but ah'm so horny!" So awful, but so entertaining.

5. Why is the health care thing so contentious? Maybe I'm naive but what we have is OBVIOUSLY not working and yet people are digging their heels in, crying "socialism!" and generally being obstinate little shits about it. I don't know...I don't have any brilliant commentary...I just want Washington to work shit out so that people, ALL people have access to quality health care regardless of their financial status. My little brother having to declare bankruptcy because of his skiing accident is fucking ludicrous.

6. I can't stop listening to Bad Religion. Its the soundtrack of my summer. Especially this song.

Snippets

1. Cheney. OMG puke. The more that comes out on him, the more the fact that that creep is from my state just makes me sick. He was bad in office and he's bad out. Gag.

Phew. Glad that's off my chest.

2. My mom came to visit last week. We had a lovely time excepting that 2 days into her trip, she tore a ligament in her ankle and spent the week on crutches and in pain. She still insisted on watching my kid, however, which saved us a buttload of money that we would have normally spent on daycare. She and Otto had such an amazing time together that I was glad she still felt up to it, despite her injury. Yesterday (the first day sans Nana), Otto woke up and immediately asked for her. It broke my heart a little to remind him that we had taken her to the airport so she could ride an airplane back to her home. His response was: "Mah find Nana airport. Mah go get her." Sob.

3. Back to Mom's visit, we had a great day, Saturday, shuffling around the Denver Zoo (mom was in a wheelchair) and the kiddo loved getting to see all the animals and whatnot- so much that he didn't nap until we got back in the car around 4pm. The coolest thing we saw was a baby giraffe nursing from his mom. Otto was so fascinated! And so was I, to be honest. Talk about breastfeeding in public :-)

4. I'm getting super, royally pissed off because all winter I look so forward to riding my bike to work in the summer. This summer, they are doing so much stupid construction around my workplace that I have to ride WAY out of my way and leave my house at the mother effin' buttcrack of dawn and WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE EASY FOR ME TO SAVE GAS AND GET IN SHAPE BY RIDING MY BIKE TO WORK?!?!?!? Stupid.

5. I guess that's it for now...We just keep on keepin' on...live one day at a time, enjoy the time we have together as family and the time we have alone to our thoughts because there are way to few hours in the day and OMG I'm fucking exhausted.

Peace.

BubbububububububWha?

Haven't been posting here much because Hello! Summer! Vacation! Fun! Which is all very well and good but it makes me tired. In a pleasantly coma-riffic way.

So rest assured, that no news is good news and we are off busily building campfires in the mountains, going to the zoo, playing cowboys and generally laughing like bastards.

Carry on.