My Beautiful Laundrette

Our washing machine broke last week.  I noticed that it was filling up with water, but  not agitating, draining but not spinning.  Google suggested a broken motor, which sounds expensive, doesn't it?  Ugh.

So rather than calling a repairman and facing that music, I took the path of least resistance...to the laundromat.  Which sounds like a drag, right?  Its cold outside, hauling baskets of laundry in and out and putting quarters in and waiting and...yuck, right?

No.  Surprise of surprises.  It was decidedly NOT a drag.   Quite the opposite, really.  I can confidently report that it was one of the most relaxing evenings I've had in weeks.  It was a Tuesday night.  It was me and a couple other quiet folks, gently washing, drying, folding.  It was warm and bright and smelled of fabric softener.  The TV was on in the background, the History Channel comfortingly droning on about buried treasure or something.  Clothes tumbled rhythmically in dryers.  No one was touching me, talking to me, needing me.   Between moving clothing from washers to dryers, I sat in a comfortable seat and drank tea and read a book.  It was practically on par with a spa day.

Also, I got what would normally take an entire day to wash done in 2 hours. Granted it cost about 12 bucks but that's cheaper than a movie or happy hour and honestly,  for that particular night it was infinitely more relaxing than either.  It was a beautiful night and since we haven't made any calls on the washer, it looks like I'll have to go back.

Damn.

In Blog we Trust.

First, this is a piggy back post inspired by Jasie's vlog so if you want to go watch that for context, I'll wait.

You're back? Ok. I've written sparingly about my own feelings on religion/spirituality but Jasie's vlog post brought more thoughts up to the surface.

As you probably remember, I consider myself a recovering Catholic. I was raised in the church, attended Catholic school and my father (more than once) told people he hoped I'd become a nun. In front of me. As we all know, Catholicism was never the right fit for me and when it came time for Confirmation I realized that I didn't believe ANY of it and refused to participate. It was the first time I'd ever seen my dad cry. But now, nearly 20 years later, I stand by that decision.

I also live in a part of the country where religious ideas blend with political views almost seamlessly. To many people, being Republican or Conservative or whatever you want to call it is a direct result of their (usually fundamentalist Christian) beliefs. And while many of them profess a "live and let live" philosophy, they are often shocked or visibly disgusted when they hear about alternative belief systems and I've heard the words "atheist", "muslim" or "buddhist" spoken with disdain and disgust many times, sometimes almost as if they are insults.

As a young adult, I farted around and read extensively about other belief systems...Wicca primarily, Buddhism later on but neither stuck. Wicca was too weird and hippy dippy and pretend-y feeling for me, and Buddhism has some awesome philosophy but wasn't the right fit either. I felt lost with my pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-separation of church and state, pro-evolutionary theory views.

And then, sometime around age 26 I had the realization that I had 2 main issues that were preventing me from any sort of religious or spiritual practice: 1. Organized religion, especially in this country is a HUGE turn-off for me because of the things people do in the name of it and what I see as the blatant disregard for some of the basic tenets of the bible and 2. (the biggest obstacle) I really don't believe in divinity. At all.

So at this point in my life, I'm comfortable knowing who I am spiritually: I am a person who does not believe in God. I believe Jesus, Buddha, and other religious icons were probably very charismatic people who had some big ideas a long time ago and/or were possibly delusional. And that's it.

I find more solace in the turning of the seasons, the rising and setting of the sun and scientific principles than I do in any sort of religious text or church service. I believe in evolution. I believe that what's right is right, what's wrong is wrong and in treating the planet and other living things compassionately- Not because there is any God up there policing us or any book out there that told me to do it- but because its morally and ethically RIGHT.

I believe that we are all only given one life to live and it is up to us to live it in the way that helps us attain joy and peace in our own lives. I believe in the separation of church and state. I believe in religious freedom- even for those who I vehemently disagree with. As long as you don't try to shove your beliefs onto me, we're golden. You're right to swing your fist ends when it connects with my nose and all that.

I believe that a woman has control over her own body. I believe that two people who love each other should be able to live together and create a family if they want to.

So.

As a parent to a small child I go back and forth on how I want to handle the subject of religion with my son. On one hand I want him to be educated: I want him to recognize biblical references in art and literature and to know what people are referring to when they speak of Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and other world religions. And I want him to be educated enough to make his own decisions about this stuff.

The only problem is that I worry that if I try to do some sort of "Religions of the World" education with him, I'll find it very difficult to keep my own strong feelings and prejudices out of the conversation. I'm pretty outspoken and VERY opinionated and I just know it will be hard for me to let go and allow him to form his own opinions on things. Like right now, the idea of him being taken to a Catholic mass with his grandparents turns my blood cold. (Which is bad! I know!! He needs to make his own decisions! But....argh! I just feel so scarred by that part of my childhood...)

One idea I had was attending the Unitarian church...I have heard that they do a very balanced youth religious education program, introducing each major world religion. (Does anyone know more about this?) Or I can suck it up and tackle it myself and just decide that maybe its ok if my son knows how his mother feels about stuff- if I make it clear that he doesn't have to feel the same way, that he is free to form his own beliefs.

Its a tough one. Feel free to berate me in the comments if I'm being ridiculous about this or missing some key point. But haters and zealots will be deleted. Just FYI.

Selling out. And more diet blah blah blah

Some housekeeping: So I've been fucking around with layout and stuff and I ended up adding just a little advertising over there, to the right. Yeah, I know its hard to miss. I hope its not too disruptive but I like BlogHer and what they do for women bloggers. When I got the invite, I thought "why not?" If I get a little change for decaf mochas out of the deal what's the harm, right?

Now I just wish I could afford to go to the BlogHer conference in NYC...it sounds so fun!!

* * * * * * * *

Speaking of mochas (or lack thereof), I'm on day 2 of the No S Diet. The No Seconds thing wasn't hard. The No Snacks part was kind of tough. The No Sweets thing, however, was brutal yesterday. I didn't realize how completely hooked I have been on a little something sweet after lunch. And dinner. And in the middle of the afternoon if I happen to forget my piece of fruit that I usually snack on. Ouch.

I think I'm going to cheat a little and keep the mid-afternoon snack of either fresh fruit or veggies. I really need a blood sugar boost around 3pm to keep from going completely mental on my co-workers and/or sweet family.

And just to clarify, I'm not trying to lose weight. Not really. I could probably stand to be 10-15lbs lighter but I am right in the middle of "normal" (whatever that is) for my height. What I am trying to do is tone up and get healthy(er). I really want to be stronger. I already exercise pretty regularly (30-50 min, 4-5 times a week) but I feel like curbing my bad eating habits will help me feel better about myself and ultimately help me to really firm up.

I've actually been wishing lately that I could take some sort of martial arts or self-defense classes. There aren't a lot of options around here and the karate club that I see advertisements for around town seems intimidating...anyone know of any good DVD's /at home workouts that teach that stuff? I know that's no substitute for an in-the-flesh instructor but I'm shy. And mainly have to do any working out at 5:00am, which cuts down on my options of scheduled classes just a bit.

In a Handbasket

As you are probably aware, today is Ash Wednesday, marking the first day of Lent. As a recovering Catholic, Lent in particular is a strange time for me. I'm not sure why but the guilt, the infamous Catholic guilt always wants to poke out its slimy, blob like head and seductively whisper, " Are you SURE you want to eat meat on Fridays? Really? And are you SURE you're not giving anything up for Lent? REALLY???"

Its obvious to observe that this is most likely related to something in my childhood. My parents, especially my father, were extremely Catholic and Lent was Important- Capital "I." We attended Mass on Ash Wednesday, got our foreheads smeared with the requisite dirt (I mean really, ashes are pretty much just dirt), ate fish on Fridays (in fact, I think my parents straight up fasted on Fridays during Lent) and always sacrificed something we loved for the 40 day period. For us kids it was usually candy, soda, or a favorite TV show...you know, something that would make you SUFFER. It IS supposed to be penance. And how better to show contrition than by giving up your beloved Saved by the Bell back to back episodes on Saturday mornings???

Anyway, this time of year, even though I have been free from the church for my entire adult life ( I left when I was 15), I get this nagging feeling in my gut...like I should be observing it somehow. And really- if I put aside my resentment towards most aspects of being raised Catholic, I can grudgingly acknowledge that taking time out each year to count your blessings and perhaps work on bad habits is not a negative thing. According to wikipedia (sacred in its own right...right???): "The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). "

I get it, I really do. Its like a spiritual colon cleanse. Get rid of all the shit that is plugging up your life so you can focus on digesting the really important things- like being focused on the good things in your life and helping others. Check.

Trouble is, this is not how Lent was presented to me as a child. It was all about denying yourself because you were some how not deserving of things that gave you pleasure. If you liked candy bars or Cherry Coke or New Kids on the Block, you were supposed to feel guilty about it. And a way to please God was to give these things up for Lent...to show him that you were willing to suffer for your wicked, wicked ways. Bullshit, I say.

I know that there is a lot more to it. Really, I do. This is just one (jaded) woman's experience and opinion. If I didn't have the experiences of my childhood to look back on, I would probably see Lent as the logical, detached part of my brain wants to see it: a beautiful, interesting ritual.

As it is, there is so much baggage attached that it just pisses me off and makes me want to go eat a dozen Snickers, drink a fifth of Jager and watch What Not to Wear for two days straight.

Amen.