Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Baby: Had 37 weeks appointment with midwife today. Can't believe we are getting so close! I tested positive for Group B Strep which sucks, but she did her best to reassure me that it won't impede my labor too much- I'll have to have a heparin lock and get antibiotics once every 8 hours for 15 min. or so, but I should be able to pretty much move around and do whatever I need to do otherwise.

The baby's movement has decreased in the past couple of days and she couldn't really get him to squirm much so she did a non-stress test. Good news is, baby is fine. I think that between her poking and prodding him and then getting hooked up to the monitor, he woke up and realized that we were expecting him to DO stuff. heh. I was having contractions and the baby was responding great so no worries.

Midwife also gave me her cell phone number "just in case," and let me know where she would be this weekend...I wonder if that means she thinks something's happening...

Husband: Still having panic attacks but hopefully he will be getting help soon. A therapist is supposed to call him back this week. I know he can't help it and the last thing I want is to add to his stress, but it kind of worries me. What if he has one when I'm in labor and I'm left alone to deal? That freaks me out. I hope we can get this resolved or at least under control before d-day.

Car: Husband's car is still dead. We haven't really done anything about it number 1, because we are broke, and number 2 because we are just trying to get a handle on the panic attack thing. And I'm trying to avoid anything that might stress him at all and that definately includes hounding him about getting his car fixed. Sigh. Why do things have to be so stressful all the time??

At least baby is good, we are pretty much ready, except for getting the carseat installed (really must get on that) and we have eachother. But seriously. I'm just ready for things to be NORMAL again.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Ok, so THAT sucked.

Much to my bitter displeasure, I was on bed rest all last week for a freaking superficial blood clot behind my left knee. I had an ultrasound on it to determine that "oh, it is not the dangerous kind," but rather the OH MY GOD I AM IN CONSTANT EXCRUCIATING PAIN kind so not only was I pretty much confined to the couch doing moist heat compresses, but I was forced to take precious sick days that should have been used for maternity leave goddammit! (Yes, I am so put out by this that it excuses run on sentences.)

Anyway, I'm back at work today and the leg is now back to tolerable amounts of twingy pain as opposed to constant gritting my teeth and wanting to amputate pain. I think the heat and elevation has pretty much cleared the clot (there is just one tender spot) but the hard, rope like texture of the vein and general discomfort probably will not lessen until I pop this little critter out, hopefully in 3 weeks or so. I'm wearing support hose (yes, I am SEXY) and doing as much as I can to keep the clot from coming back.

To add insult to injury, The Husband's car broke down and will not start so we are down to one vehicle. I'm sure it will be 5 million dollars to fix. WHAT THE HELL. Oh -oh -AND he's been having panic attacks lately (and can you really blame him?) which means that I'm worried about him and there have been doctor visits and xanax pills taken and ugh.

A lady at work gave me the book "The Secret" and I've been trying to send positive thoughts out into the universe but jeebus. This is getting frickin' ridiculous.

Time to practice my breathing for labor. Deep breaths. Deep cleansing breaths....

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Attitude Adjustment

My outlook is a bit better today, but I'm still finding myself leaning towards the negative. I figured that making a list of the things I have going for me, however, can only brighten my mood. Its worth a try, anyway!

Reasons why I should not be a big ol' crybaby throwing pity parties for myself all the time:

1. I have a great marriage. Sure we have our issues (and who doesn't?) but on the whole, my 7 year young marriage is going strong. We have, what I would term, a unique relationship in that we are both pretty independent (separate cars, bank accounts, last names) but we truly are eachother's best friends. Honestly, I think this comes out in pretty much everything we do. We have similar ideas about education (yes, please!), religion (no, thanks) and lots of other stuff that will be imperative when raising a kid.

2. I have great family relationships. I'm great friends with my parents and generally on good terms with my brothers. The Husband's family treats me like a long lost daughter and is generally wonderful, so no complaints with the in-laws.

3. I have a good job working with good people and really, really good benefits.

4. We have decent place to live. Granted, its not "ours" but we could have (and have had!) a much worse rental situation. As it is, the rent isn't killing us, the location is just right and there's plenty of room for baby.

5. I am in good health. I excersise everyday, eat right, and try to have a (mostly!) positive mental outlook. I have a feeling that if I hadn't been so fit when we got knocked up, this pregnancy might have been alot harder for me.

6. We have a new baby to look forward to. Now this one is a double edged sword. I know that I'm "supposed" to be all gaga-giddy over the whole thing, but the fact is that this was unplanned and a complete surprise. Alot of days, I think I am still struggling with this. But more and more, I'm starting to look forward to who this new little person will be and the relationship we will have with eachother. Of course I have anxiety (find me an 8 mos. pregnant woman who doesn't) but once he's here and healthy I think I will be in seventh heaven. At least until he starts mouthing off. :-)

Ok, I suppose I feel a little bit better. Hopefully I can shake these blues or whatever I've got going on here in the next day or two.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Cry Me a River

You know, the proud wannabe superwoman in me hates to admit this, but the third trimester thing is really kicking my ass. Some days (like yesterday) are fine- I have enough energy to get through the day, I'm wearing clothing that at least sort of fits and I'm in a postitive mental state. Then you have days like today where I'm pooh-bear with the little black raincloud following me around everywhere I go. So, in the spirit of throwing myself a little pity party, I present to you:

Reasons why I am pissy today:
1. I woke up at 3:30 am and could not get back to sleep. At all.

2. While I was doing yoga in the basement, I killed, like, 5 MILLION bugs crawling in the carpet, on the walls, ceiling, etc. Disgusting. (Ok so that's a slight exaggeration. But I did kill quite a few, like 7 maybe)

3. While showering I noticed at LEAST 4 more stretch marks, bringing the grand total up to something like five hundred and twelve.

4. Hardly anything fits me. I'm now too huge for most of my maternity clothes. I have, like, 1 top and a couple dresses that actually fit. But I'm so cheap, I have a really hard time going out and buying something that I will wear for (hopefully) only 5 weeks or so.

5. Everything hurts/aches. Especially my hips and crochtal region. Fun. And I have a nasty varicose vein on the back of my left knee that is positively painful when I stand up after sitting or laying down for any period of time. That and its super purdy.

6. Heartburn. Can't breathe. Someone's foot is in my rib cage.

7. The Husband tells me his band may have a show on my 30th birthday. So instead of a nice birthday dinner, I'd be sitting in a nasty bar watching everyone but me get drunk. Nice.

That's it for now, I guess. Tomorrow, I'll try to post a list of positives, I swear.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

We should have been sent to detention

When you were in school, remember those kids that were the troublemakers? The annoying ones who were always laughing at some secret joke in the back row and who never hesitated to sass the teacher? Well, we attended Prepared Childbirth classes this past weekend and let me tell you, we WERE those kids. The Husband had me in stitches the entire time with a running commentary about everything from our fellow classmates to ridiculous labor 'helpers' was fucking hilarious. I could go into details, but it was all pretty vulgar and probably only truly funny to us anyway. A "you had to be there" type thing.

In between all the barely controlled (and probably highly annoying) giggling, we did manage to learn quite a bit. I have to say that all in all, the class greatly relieved alot of the anxiety I was feeling about childbirth. We got a tour of the "Family Care Unit" of the hospital and learned alot about relaxation and breathing techniques to try during labor. And, if nothing else, I'm pretty confident that my labor support person will be able to make me laugh.

And, in another fit of 'getting ready for baby,' I finally ordered the carseat, stroller, and co-sleeper. Yay! Honestly, at this point I think we are pretty much ready. There are a few odds and ends that we could stand to get (i.e., a few more burp cloths, changing pads, and maybe another co-sleeper sheet or 2) but I keep reminding myself that getting ready for a baby is NOT like preparing for the Apocalypse...the world will keep on going even if I do have a kid and this includes grocery stores and Kmart.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Cankles are the new black

Well, I wish cankles were somehow fashionable because OH MY GAWD I would be the envy of everyone in town. My feet and ankles have suddenly swollen up like giant german sausages in the last couple of days. I think one contributor might be a high sodium dinner I had thanks to the local mexican restaurant. That and I am nearly 8 mos. pregnant and its hot as shit outside.


I feel like one of those old ladies- you know who I mean? The ones that have the swollen cankles and wear really baggy pantyhose with the white orthopedic shoes? In other words, SMOKIN' HAWT.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Pump it up!

I've totally been stressing about getting a breast pump. They don't rent them here in this po-dunk town anymore and as I will be going back to work full time 10-12 weeks post partum, a good pump will be a necessity. There are some nay-sayers in my life who cautioned that I should 'wait until after the baby comes to make sure I can breastfeed.' These are mainly women who themselves gave up on breastfeeding right away. However, my argument is that 1) I am doing lots of reading to prepare myself for what to expect 2) I am COMMITTED to breastfeeding. Period. and 3) As my midwife so succinctly put it, it is not rocket science and with patience and the right support, pretty much everyone can do it if they are willing to put in the effort. So there you go. Plus, I think that if might be handy to have the pump right from the get go in case I need to pump to up my supply or something.

Anyway, after some research, I decided that the Medela Pump In Style double pump was my best bet. I'll most likely be pumping at least 3x a day at work and want something reliable and efficient. However, the $250 price tag on the Medela is a little daunting. Fortunately, I am married to an Ebay GENIUS and he found a brand new, unopened one for...(drumroll)...$180. That's with shipping.


So that's one more thing taken care of. 7 weeks to go!