Ah been fixin' to...

As they would say in Texas, where I just spent the last five (hot, humid) days, I've been fixin' to update this here blog but ...sidetracked?  Let's just say that some semblance of Summer has FINALLY crept into our lives and suddenly there is so. much. to. do.

-At work, I got a new office.  Yay!  It's the first one I've ever had all to myself and I'm really enjoying the privacy.   (And the rockin' view of the parking lot.)  I don't have much up on the walls but I'm kind of enjoying the non-cluttered feel of it. 

I need some bobble-heads a'la The Office, no?

-Over Memorial Day weekend,  the Husband and I got a much needed weekend away thanks to his kind parents who stayed with the Kiddo.  We ran, biked, ate sushi and mexican (not at the same time) and drank WAY TOO MUCH tequila.  We got a nice hotel and just really enjoyed eachother's company if you know what I mean wink wink.  It was the first time we'd both been away from Otto overnight but everything went without a hitch.  It's all to easy to become disconnected from each other during the day-to-day grind and we needed some time to remember WHY we're in this crazy boat together.  Yes?

-And as I mentioned, Otto and I just got back from Cemetery Day in Texas.  The flight out was infinitely better than 2 years ago which was the last time we went.  There was food, visiting, lizards in coffee cans (see below), cousins in kiddie pools and general merriment.  It was HOT, though.  I busted out a 10K race on Saturday morning and it was 82 degrees when the gun went off at 7am.  Ouch.  (Got 3rd in my age group though- 52:35!!  Another medal for the rack!)

It's a REAL LIZARD, Mom!

And now, we're back, facing mounds of laundry and full in-boxes.  Fortunately, we've got another week off scheduled for around July 4th.  Summer, I love you!!

Trippin'

I'm hitting the road tomorrow for work.  A 7 hour drive, a 1 hour meeting and then 7 hours back.  Best use of resources?  Probably not.  But I do know that the folks I'm going to see really appreciate someone making the effort to come out.  And as long as I don't run into snow (knock on wood), it should be a gorgeous drive.

I'm prepared with a couple books on CD from the ol' public library, water, gum, snacks, and breakfast plans with a friend along the way.  And while I'll miss my boys for the 2 days I'm gone, I've gotta say that the open road and time with my own brain sounds pretty attractive. 

The only thing that's really annoying me is that I need to leave at like 7:30am tomorrow morning.  And somehow I need to fit in a 3-mile run AND a strength workout.  So I guess I'll be up at the butt crack of dawn, sweatin' it out before I hit the road!

Bring it.

So far this new year has been fast and furious- I have a new boss at work and we are SUPER busy.  Lots of meetings, phone calls, work piling up.  BUT.  The work is challenging, engaging, and dare I say...fun in a lot of ways.  So it could be worse.  And I'm actually surprised at the amount of overtime I haven't had to put in, considering.

Also in the first week of the new year I:

1. had the toenail on my left big toe removed because it was dead and gross (from in-grown toenail surgery 2 years ago and from being a runner) and

2:  confirmed that I have hearing loss in my right ear- mostly in the higher frequencies.  The loss isn't bad enough to warrant a hearing aid (yet) but  I might need a better phone at work and to learn how to read lips a little in situations with lots of background noise (which I already do.)  This makes me feel old.  Pout.

We have, thankfully, been able to carve some time out for fun stuff.  We got the kiddo a pair of snowshoes for $18 on sale and we took him out for his first real trek last weekend.  He did so great!  We were out there for an hour and a half and there was no complaining, crying, being too tired...nothing!   I think he road in the sled up a couple of steep hills and that was it.   A good time was had by all.  Evidence:

It wasn't super cold- especially with our new wool socks we all got for Xmas.  Still, once we got back home, hot chocolate and popcorn were deemed necessary :) 

As an aside:  I LOVE living so close to National Forest areas.  This system of ski and snowshoe trails is 12 minutes from our house.  12 MINUTES!  And we have more National Forest recreation areas 30 minutes the other direction.  And there's no traffic, no crowded parking lots at the trail heads.  Heaven!

As far as other fun activities, (and this one's for you Dandelion Trail) we've had fun lately making homemade toys out of cardboard, paper sacks, toilet paper rolls etc.   A ship for Buzz Lightyear, for example:  (and yes, someone is really into Toy Story and grandparents are obliging by purchasing every related piece of apparel they can find.  But hey- free clothes are free clothes!)

Notice the dog emitting lasers from her eyes.  I'm pretty sure Otto was making her play the role of the evil emperor Zurg the other day.

Never a dull moment but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Bring it on, 2011!

Endings and Beginnings

Change is all around me now...and not the shiny, silver, clunky kind.  I'm talking massive, sweeping changes in areas of my life.  Or at least that's how it feels.

The first big change: I do believe my son is weaned.  And let me tell you, now that I've been through child-led weaning from beginning to end, it is a beautiful, amazing thing to watch.  It's been so gradual that it hasn't been traumatic or sudden for either of us, rather just a gentle progression from "baby" to "kid."   We went from multiple nursings a day when he was a baby (obviously) to fewer and fewer as he got older. And then more recently, to just a couple times a day.  Then it was only once at bedtime and if he hurt himself or got super upset.  And then only at upsets.  And now...nothing.    At bedtime we now "snuggle."  At upsets, we rock and talk and hug and listen.  He no longer asks for "milk."

Of course he still needs me.  Of course he does!  But he doesn't need to breastfeed.  And he made that decision for himself.  Which is totally awesome.  If I ever had it to do over, I would do it this way again in a heartbeat. 

But!  I won't pretend that it hasn't been a little emotional for me to realize that this marks the end of a really special time in my relationship with my son.  I know there is a lot to look forward to and more awesomeness to come but I've allowed myself to mourn just a tad the unique relationship that exists between mother and nursling.  I'm sure dropping prolactin levels also have something to do with a little bit of melancholy. 

*     *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The second big change, is in my worklife.  And while I don't want to go into too much detail here for obvious reasons, suffice to say that upheaval has been ubiquitous between having a new position, a new supervisor (who doesn't start for another 6 weeks or so) and all that comes with that.  They have also been sending me to some trainings that require overnights away from home.

This last week was the first such training and the first time ever since he's been on the planet, I slept apart from my kid.  It was weird.  But I'd being lying if I claimed not to have slept like I was dead.  The Husband, however, wasn't so lucky as he is used to Otto snuggling me at night and not him. 

There's another training scheduled next month that requires 2 nights away.  Eeek.  I know everything will be fine and that almost might be the problem.  Aren't they LOST without me?  How do they function when Mama's not home for TWO WHOLE DAYS?!?!?  Heh. 

These changes are good and I know that.  I'm fulfilled and challenged in my work in a way that I haven't been in a long time.  I have an employer who wants to invest in my career development and who sees potential in me.  That is awesome.  But there's a tiny part of me that feels sad that I'm no longer necessary for Otto's daily/nightly sustenance. 

I keep telling myself that of COURSE he still needs me.  A lot. (See above.)  And he gets a lot of me.  We still co-sleep and my evenings and weekends are spent with him.  But its a time of transition and that usually means some new feelings, some reevaluating, and allowing yourself to mourn the loss of what was even while looking forward to what comes next. 

New Beginnings

First week in my new position at work.  New co-workers, new building, new desk.  New supervisor, new duties.

On my first morning, yesterday, there was a large bouquet of fall flowers on my desk and they brought bagels and fruit for a welcome breakfast.  It made me feel really welcome.

But now I feel like by 2 pm, after being bombarded with new information for hours, my brain is officially off duty for the day.  Its all I can do to point my bleary eyes somewhere in the vicinity of my supervisor's face and at least pretend I know what the hell she is trying to tell me.

This is going to be a good change, I can tell, but right now, its a little overwhelming.

I am exhausted.

Working for the Weekend

1. Yesterday, at work, a colleague came in and asked me what the Kid would like to drink at a company picnic since she was in charge of bringing non-alcoholic drinks.  I said something like "Oh, I'll probably just bring a water bottle for him," and then this somehow segued into a tirade against HFCS and how sodas/koolaids/etc. are evil.  Sorry, co-worker.  Didn't mean to spew verbal diarrhea at you.   Obviously, I'm passionate about that subject but really- there's a time and a place and this wasn't it.  I feel bad.

2. Speaking of co-workers, I've been SO ANNOYED all week that its been hard to concentrate.  I don't want to elaborate much here but OH MY GOD.  So hard for me to just focus on my work and not develop a nervous twitch due to coughing/loud crunching/endless chit-chatting/etc.  I need a weekend.

3. In a more hopeful and less whiny vein, I might have mentioned that I interviewed for a job this week that would be a small step up income-wise, but a big step up job-satisfaction-wise.   Oh, and after some planned remodeling, this position would also get its own office.  See #2 on why this would be awesome.  I hope they let us know sooner rather than later.

And now, a little gratuitous kidpic:

The kid loves books.

Happy Friday!

And So It Goes

Here we are.

Another school year underway, and leaves are already littering the streets- a bit prematurely due to a freak hailstorm last weekend. The temps are consistently in the 70's and I can feel Fall breathing down my neck on my early morning runs.

I spend my days as a mother, a wife, an employee, a cook, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a storyteller, a coffee buyer, a reader, a pianist. I multitask at work: One side of my brain is actually working, the other side is hatching ideas for fall knitting projects, composing a shopping list of clothes Otto needs for winter, worrying about various random problems of friends and family.

The days fly by.

Fall is my favorite time of year, though. It always feels more cleansing, more renewing than Spring does. Maybe its the conditioning growing up with the new school year mentality- new pencils, new notebooks, new shoes I probably begged for for months.

Now in my adult life that sense of 'newness' has stayed with me even though I'm at the same old job and now wear the same shoes year after year until the soles wear through enough to justify a new pair. Working for a university keeps me in tune with the school year, however, so I'm still tied to the idea of new beginnings happening in the fall.

* * * * * * * * *

The little guy's 2nd birthday is this month and OMG how did this happen?? Blowing my mind.

My birthday was fine. Really good, actually. We had a quiet backyard get-together with close friends, cake, and presents. 32 doesn't feel that different from 31.

* * * * * * * * *

I'll leave you with a new musical discovery I'm loving right now:

Jiggety Jog

Made it up to the hometown and back again in one piece this weekend. Spent time with the inlaws- hiking, eating, talking, eating, watching a toddler roll around in the grass like a crazy person, and eating. The weather was cool, but not cold, cloudy but with a little bit of sun. It was a study in paradoxes.

So that's an achievement.

For Mother's Day, the husband got me $$ for a new tattoo and a very lovely card. YAY! I've already got an appointment booked and everything. I'll let it be a surprise, but its going to be classic, sailor-y, and incorporate my kid's name because I love that little turd factory SO much.

All in all, it was a nice weekend and now I'm back at the daily grind which seems grind-ier than normal because I got all used to sleeping until 7 and eating my weight in chocolate chip pancakes and stuff like that just doesn't happen during a 'work week.'

Checkin' em off.

Achievements since 6:30 am this morning:

1. Slept through alarm and missed workout. Also did not work out yesterday. Am lazy slob.

2. Noticed volcanic zit on face, one strategically placed on the center line between my nose and upper lip and fantastically painful. BONUS.

3. Remembered to dress 'nicely' for yearly worky event thingy that I have been working on for MONTHS and is finally here.

5. Somehow got screaming, willful toddler dressed, diapered and fed, no thanks to him.

6. Dropped above mentioned toddler off at daycare where he miraculously had a change of heart and was all sweetness and light and "bye-bye mama! wuv voo!".

7. Rolled eyes and may have snorted on way out of daycare.

8. Pulled off yearly worky eventy thingy that I have been working on for MONTHS. Managed to smile and thank and shake hands and not focus too much on wondering if people were staring at the now ENORMOUS zit on my face.

9. Made it back to the relative safety of my office where I will now count the minutes until happy hour.

What have you accomplished today?

Fraught with Fecundity

I don't know if its spring fever or the fact that my kid has started to finally sleep through the night (so, therefore, I have too) or the phase of the moon or what, but lately I feel like my brain is crammed full of shit I want to get done. Projects to start, books to read, recipes to try...

And this stupid thing called A Day Job keeps getting in the fucking way of my dreams.

I think that once daylight savings time hits, the days will feel longer due to the extended sunlight and that might help a little. But right now I am reading 4 books, knitting my second pair of socks (try not to look so shocked, Mackenzie ;), designing my garden in my head, and mentally decluttering my basement.

I also have grand ideas of writing more, and art projects that may be eventually destined for Etsy.

Now that I think of it, I wonder if this fire under my ass has anything to do with my steadily increasing daily caffeine intake...

By the Seat of my Pants

This month is TOTALLY KICKING MY ASS. In a big way. Its our busiest month at work. I'm interviewing for a promotion today. (EEEK) The part-time, in-home business thing is kind of taking off and our 8th wedding anniversary is on the 24th. Gah.



The sunny side of this is, of course, that some more moola may be coming our way. Which would be absotively loverly.



In other news:



Otto is growing, growing, growing and anxious to be locomoting. He gets totally frustrated when he can't get to something he wants and has taken to simply rolling around until he happens upon it. Its hilarious. I think he will be crawling, or at least army crawling any day now. He's super vocal and yells ("BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!) when he needs us to pay attention to him. He loves the animals and laughs huge belly laughs when we come home and the dog is jumping -up- and down- excited to see us.



He is still an avid nurser, showing no signs of weaning- not even of night weaning. And to tell the truth, I'm not super anxious for an end to the night feedings: They help my overall supply and provide some re-connections after our busy days apart. And as things stand right now, he only nurses maybe twice during the night anyways (around 10pm and again around 5am- not too bad.)





The weather here has been super depressing lately- cold, windy, rainy (yesterday, we actually got about a minute and a half of snow) and I find myself wondering if it will ever actually be summer. Its a little disheartening, to be honest.

So Far, So Good...

First day back at work. It is now 2pm and I've been here since 8am. So far, I'm doing alright. I've pumped twice without incident and I don't feel too heartsick. Last night, however, was another story entirely...I held and rocked Otto and bawled my eyes out for about 20 minutes and was a bitchy wreck the rest of the evening.

I actually get to leave in 10 minutes because the Husband has a meeting to go to. Which is good because I'm exhausted and I think I just leaked a little milk onto my blouse (thank goodness I had the foresight to wear a cardigan sweater!) Motherhood is SO glamorous!!