About Face

Yesterday was One Of Those Days.  It began slightly after midnight.  My kid woke up screaming and crying and refusing to go back to bed.  It took me 30 minutes to coax him out of whatever dream/night terror state he was in and convince him to get into bed with me.  At last he fell back asleep- but guess what?  I was wide. awake.  And just laying there, my brain swirling around in my head, digging up the dregs of old to-do's and worries.

I decided to get up and go do something else for a bit- maybe reset my brain back into sleepy time mode.  For some reason, I grabbed our little Flip video camera and decided that I would get the baby videos off of it that have been on there for, say, 3 years.  So, at 1:00am, I plug it into my computer and attempt a download.  YOU NEED AN UPDATE it says.  THIS CAN BE DONE WITH A CAMERA WITH VIDEOS ON IT, BUT IT WILL TAKE LONGER it says.  This is fine.  I have all night!

I begin the update and everything seems to be going fine.  I feel sleep creeping back up and go to bed.

Fast forward 4 hours or so and I'm up, checking on the camera.  CAMERA HAS BEEN UPDATED. Goody!  I check the camera after I (safely) remove it from the computer and...(I'm sure you can see where this is going) the videos are gone.  The thing is wiped.  Empty.  Ready to Record!  What. the. fuck. 

I have what basically amounts to a very ungraceful panic attack, searching my hard drive, the camera, for the missing baby videos.  I download and run recovery software, to no avail.  I'm crying, remembering the precious footage of Otto's first day crawling, his first steps, singing Twinkle Twinkle.   Otto's looking at me, confused.  "We're sad about baby movies, Mama?  But I'm a big boy!"

I go to work upset and sad.

Work is work, only times a MILLION because shit is hitting the fan and we're super busy and I have, like, 87 meetings scheduled and everyone is pissy and etc. etc.  And the entire time, I'm on the edge of a melt down, thinking about the fucking baby videos.

Finally, the day is over and I get home.  The Husband, bless him, has carnitas in the crock pot and a six-pack waiting for me.  It is at this point that the day begins to slowly turn back towards the light.  We have an amazing dinner, I do the (minimal) dishes and decide to call a good friend for a little venting session. 

We have a good talk about woes, parenting, books, work (love you, L!) and I hang up feeling more centered than I have all day.

At this point, I get a text from the Husband, who is downstairs with the kiddo that says, "You can't find us.  Hahahahahahahaha!- the Potzula Gang."

Laughing, I go downstairs to see that an elaborate fort has been constructed with an old quilt and two pairs of shoes are poking out, one little, one large.  Copious amounts of giggling emanate from under the fort.  "FEE FIE FO FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN"  I boom, as I thump down the stairs.  The giggling intensifies.

After playing a bit, while the Husband is doing jammies/brushing teeth/reading stories duties, I turn once more to my computer.  Sighing, I log in to check my email, resisting the urge to throw the stupid Flip camera across the room but also realizing that its not the end of the world.  While videos, pictures and keepsakes are nice, I have awesome friends, an amazing family and I get to LIVE in these moments. 

Suddenly, on my desktop, I notice a folder way down in the lower left corner that I haven't noticed before.  Flip Video Backup, it says.  I click.

And yeah, you guessed it.  The missing baby videos.  All there.  All beautiful.  All not lost.

I go to bed happy, loved, realizing that losing those little movies wasn't the end of the world.  But I'm glad I have them back.  We all sleep through the night, waking up to a new day to cherish and new memories to record.