First of all, the house is a no-go. Its just too expensive. As convincing as the realtor and lender can be, I simply cannot handle the stress of trying to force something to work that would be such a stretch for us. Especially since we know this kid is going to cost a small fortune. At this point, I think we have decided to maybe wait a year and then try again. Just get used to the kid related expenses, maybe try to save some money and pay off some debts and then re-evaluate next spring. As disappointing as this is, its probably for the best and honestly, I feel a little relieved. Going through all that financial crap and moving would be stressful right now and I kind of just want to concentrate on getting this little feller here.
And of course, as nice as it would be to have a place of our own, the rental we have right now is perfectly adequate and the kid is not going to give one monkey shit where we live as long as he is warm and dry and has easy access to a boob. So. I think we'll be just fine.
On the pregnancy related front: Oy. Things are kind of crappy right now. I'm trying to have a positive attitude but Holy Shit am I the Heaviest I've ever been in my Life and it just totally freaks me out. Plus, the midwife is worried about a varicose vein on my leg. So as if I wasn't feeling sexy enough, I am now supposed to wear TED hose. And as much as I try to curb the colorful metaphors on this blog, this majorly fucking sucks. Because- HELLO- it is summer. If it was January I don't think I'd really much care- it would just be another layer against the Wyoming wind, but now that its finally nice out, its just a cruel, cruel joke.
Now, I know things could be so. much. worse. I could be on bed rest or diabetic or losing the baby or any other number of things. I should really count my blessings that for the most part I am super healthy and the kid seems to be doing just dandy. But I think its ok to just feel like shit is crappy sometimes. And I don't think that makes me a bad person.