Friday, April 24, 2009


**Warning: If you shy away from talk of lady parts, monthly cycles or anything related, DO NOT READ FURTHER. Go check out Huff post or dick around on Twitter instead. You've been warned.** kid is 19 months old and I JUST NOW got my first period since he was born. And, wonderful Auntie Flo that I (did not) miss so much is totally KICKING MY ASS. And really? I'm a little hurt. We used to be, if not bosom buddies, at least something akin to friendly work associates- in the same boat together so might as well make the most of it. Now? She's apparently out to make my life a living hell, perhaps in retaliation for being held off so long by breastfeeding.

I've been wondering wtf is wrong with me for about a week now- last Sunday night I literally felt myself spiral down into a hog wallow of depression so fast I had emotional whiplash. By Monday, I was seriously considering putting a cease and desist on all personal hygiene and spending the rest of my days eating microwave popcorn and watching TLC. By Tuesday, I was convinced that my husband was really an assassin who's sole mission in life was to irritate me to death. On Wednesday I was entertaining thoughts of self-mutilation. (I'm only half-kidding).

And then yesterday? There she was. A rose that by any other name would be called a complete fucking pain in my ass. But at least it explained the depression, the moodiness, the bloating and oily skin and murderous rage coupled with apathetic despair I'd been feeling for 4 days.

I know that I'm lucky, by comparison. Lots of mama's get their monthly visitor much sooner after giving birth- even with exclusive breastfeeding. I think I was just so used to not seeing that little red stain that I was blindsided when it appeared, 2.5 years after the last time we saw each other. But it explains a lot and I wonder if my PMS symptoms have been a little magnified because she's been gone so long? Because I've really been feeling like I was hit by an emotional Mack truck the last few days and I don't remember feeling quite like that ever before. Hopefully my hormones will even out as my cycles establish some regularity again. One can only hope.

Man, I've been out of the loop. Welcome back, Auntie Flo. Bitch.


buffy said...

Giiiiiirl, I can't believe you haven't had a period in that long, you lucky duck.

That said, I really do bet it's the fact that you haven't had one in so long that's making it so rough- all those rushing hormones and whatnot. Maybe next time it won't be quite so intense.

That said, mine are almost always really intense like that, so you could also just be a bucket of pms every time you have your period now. Having a baby can permanently change the way your body works in a lot of ways.

Wow, and my intention was to make you feel BETTER...

Anonymous said...

I remember when Aunt Flo came back after Margot. It was like getting hit by a truck. Sucks. Hope you feel better next month.


Holly M said...

Don't worry. It doesn't get better. Just wait until your five year old walks in on tampon changing and plays 20 questions about it.


VoofaVoofa said...

Holy shit. I thought I was the only one! I mean, the 19-month thing. I'm still riding this Diva-cup-free highway, thankfully.

Or am I? I, too felt myself quite literally "spiral down into a hog wallow of depression so fast I had emotional whiplash" on Sunday. It was scary. I kept showering, napping, eating (repeat), thinking I could stop my emotions/brain. It was so damn creepy. But alas, I see no Auntie yet. And I actually want to see her. Kid Number Two would be lovely sometime before A's fifth birthday!

Anyhow. I honestly feel your pain. I'm so sorry to hear she's back to visit you. Ugh.