Dear O's Two Front Teeth,
First of all, as we have not been formally introduced, please allow me to extend a heartfelt, Wyoming "Howdy" to you two gents. I am O's Mama. I wish I could say it was a pleasure to meet you. Really, I do.
As you may be aware, the two of you are kinda sorta taking just a little bit of a LONG-ASS time showing up. Currently one of you (we'll call you Righty) is just barely displaying a sharp white ridge and you, Lefty are still shyly peeking out from what can only be described as a tender, sore, swollen, painful looking little gum. While I certainly understand that you wouldn't want to rush in to anything, especially some of the things that find their way into O's mouth (yes DOGFOOD, I am talking about YOU) I also would plead the case that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Am I right?
So! While I am tickled MAGENTA to see you two fellas finally show up, let me just take a quick moment to pose a teensy weensy request:
PLEASE STOP TORTURING MY SON.
Thanks in advance.
P.S. While I am, again, excited to see you both finally make your appearances, I am (I believe, understandably) pessimistic as to what your arrival may mean for my nipples. Hopefully, there will be no need to pen another such missive to address future complaints. Hopefully.